I didn't see Christian all day. Not that I expected to see him any more than necessary, but I didn't see him at all. But perhaps I did see, but didn't realise I had seen him. After all, that's what I had learnt to do so well for the last 2 years, to drain everyone out, and to not take notice of anyone or anything except school work.
But something was different now, wasn't it? Christian and I kissed, like full on made out kissed. Obviously something was there. So why didn't he go out of his way to see me today then? Maybe I was thinking too much into it though.
So most of the day passed by as normally as any other day until lunch rolled around. I walked into the cafeteria and got some fries, an apple and a bottle of water. Walking with my tray out the side door to head to the back block, I was stopped by a pretty girl with deep black hair.
'Hey, you're Dylan right?' she asked me smiling.
She was beautiful. Her light pearly skin contrasted richly against her pitch black hair, that was straight as an arrow, long, and had a thick fringe in the front stopping just below her eyebrow line. She was small and petite, and around my height. She has the most delicate features I have ever seen, like she was a living piece of art.
I stared at her for a second, then merely just nodded that my name was in fact Dylan. She giggled slightly and then swung me around and pulled me by my arm through the crowds of people in the cafeteria towards a table with 4 others sitting around.
'Uh, um, what are you?' I tried.
'Christian is in gym packing the gear away. He said to make sure you didn't leave' she replied, giggling a little.
'Why? I whispered to myself.
The girl shrugged her shoulders, then stole a few of my fries. I couldn't help but look around at the others sitting around the table. To my left was a dark skinned boy, though of which ethnic group he is I did not know. He had an exotic look to him, and he was very good looking. When he spoke, I melted.
I practically whimpered, and my mouth hit the table. I quickly picked it up and tried to mumble a reply, but fail miserably. The girl who had brought me to the table came to my rescue.
'Im Eden. that' addressing the hot exotic god, 'Is Sasha'
Dylan and Sasha. Sasha and Dylan? Hmm, to dream!
'That's Dakota' a pretty blonde girl with blue eyes, 'and her boyfriend Eli' equally as blonde, but even more blue eyed, 'And this dweeb is my bro, Leon'.
'And im Christian!'.
I looked over and saw Christian wiggling in between Eden and said brother Leon. He was smiling as he pushed Leon further apart for his sister and then winked at me. I immediately looked around the table to make sure they didn't notice his wink, which they seemed to not have.
When I brought my gaze back to Christian, he frowned at first, but managed a smile.
'Hi' I managed to let escape.
'Hey, so what did I miss?' he asked looking at me, then turning to Eden.
'Nothing much, just introductions. We just sat down because he was going out back when I found him' she said.
'Oh, lucky' he said looking back at me.
'Yeah' I nodded.
'Well are you going to eat those fries or come I have them?' Eden asked, turning to me.
I looked down at them. I hadn't even touched my food. When I looked around the table, everyone was well into their eating, except for Dakota and Eli who were engaged in their own little conversation. I then looked at Eden with a questioning look on my face.
'She's not allowed to buy get them herself' Leon spoke up, looking at me, 'But if someone gives them to her, she thinks its ok'.
'It is! The deal was that I wasn't allowed to PICK or BUY fries, not get them given to me by someone else!' she said poking out her tongue.
I giggled a little, then pushed my tray over towards her.
'Sure, go ahead' I said, shrugging my shoulders at Leon.
'Abler' he said shaking his head.
'What exactly am I...' I tried before being cut off.
'Oh please don't ask' Eden begged.
Light laughter was passed around the whole table at this comment, but I couldn't help notice Christian not partaking in the joke. He just looked at me, with sad eyes.
'What's wrong?' I mouthed to him, but he just shook his head and smiled.
'Anywho' Dakota said, 'Were gonna go make out in the library. See you guys later'.
'Later' Eli said getting up and walking away with his girlfriend hand in hand.
I watched them leave and felt a little jealous.
'Sluts!' I heard Leon yell.
'You're such a dork' Eden elbowed her brother.
'Thank you' he said smiling brightly.
The rest of the lunch hour went by with idle chit chat throughout the whole session. Eden and Leon were the most vocal, especially towards each other. Sasha and I had a good conversation, albeit with me staring at him a few times when he would speak. But Christian hardly spoke anything, only when asked a question. And even then, it was only a mumbled yes or no answer.
The end of lunch bell rang out and I knew it was time to leave. After saying our goodbyes, Christian offered to walk me to class. As we started walking towards the hallway, he turned a corner and pulled me with him.
'What the...' I tried.
He pushed me to the wall and loked his lips on mine tightly. I opened my mouth to let his tongue invade my mouth, like it was asking, and started wrestle with it with my own. He brought both of his hands up to my face and we made out for what seemed like a life time. Finally he pulled away when he started losing his breath, but kept his forehead pressed against mine.
'What was that for?' I asked, breathing heavily myself.
'I thought about you all last night, and all of today' she said, gaining his breath back, 'You look hot today'.
I blushed red, then kissed him lightly a few times on his lips.
'Thanks, so do you' I hesitated to bring it up, but just had to, 'What was wrong at lunch?'.
He sighed deeply, then looked me in the eyes.
'I don't know, I just started thinking about all the time that has passed between us, all the time we wasted. I was so stupid, im sorry'.
'Look, that was then, this is now. Its ok, really' I assured him.
'Thats not all though' he said taking a deep breath then exhaling, 'I kept thinking about you in the bathroom the other day'.
My heart sank. I pulled away from him and crossed my arms across my chest.
'Why would you think about that?' I shrugged my shoulders.
'Because I cant help but blame myself. You shouldn't have been in the situation ever, and either way you look at it, I had a part in it'.
'What are you talking about. It has nothing to do with you, you're not at fault'.
'I believe I am, and im so sorry for that. I know I hadn't acted the way I did that time, things would have been different and we never would have fallen out. You never would have been in that position to have to resort to using that shit' he said reaching out to hold my hands.
'You don't know that. Even if we hadn't fallen out, you cant guarantee that I...'
'Yes I can, because I should know the signs. With everything I went through with Corey, I would have seen the signs to make sure you were never in that position. And even now, I should have seen the signs. Thinking back, seeing you in the corridors and out walking around school, I think I saw signs but, fuck man!' he exclaimed.
I squeezed his hands gently, trying to let him know it wasn't his fault. But I did have to think about some things he was saying. One thing was that he noticed me in the corridors and walking around school. Another was the fact that he blamed him self either. Wether we stayed friends back then, or how it panned out in real life anyway. I had to ease him.
'Christian, you cant blame yourself. Look, I agree that you could have maybe prevented it from happening had we not fallen out back then, but look at it this way. If we hadn't fallen out, we might not be here now, you know? Like you dont know what could have happened had we not stopped being friends back then. Its all come full circle now. Were friends again, maybe even more, and ultimately, I actually never really used any of the drug. Do you know what I mean?'.
He seemed to think it over for a moment.
'I know what you're saying, and I agree with some of it. Yeah we don't know what would have happened if we didnt fall out, true. But the fact that we did in itself is unforgivable. That aside, I still feel so much guilt for not being there for you, and for letting another slip through my fingers. The whole situation is so eerily familiar to Corey, walking in on you like that' he trailed off.
'Ok, but you need to stop feeling guilty. It is more than ok now. Don't you get it? Were much greater friends now having been through all of that. Though I am sorry IT brings back so much stuff about Corey. Truly though, you need to not worry about what could have happened. Ultimately, what's done is done'.
'No buts! I don't blame you, I never have, and never will. Blame yourself all you want to, but know that I think its completely bullshit. Listen to me, its in the past ok? You think I don't wish things had been different? Of course I do, but that's just not possible. What happened, happened. But for what its worth, if it helps, I forgive you. Can you forgive yourself?'
Christian mulled it over for a second, then shrugged his shoulders.
'I can try. Anything for you'.
'That's all you need to do. But Christian?'.
'Corey wouldn't want you to blame yourself' I said softly, taking his hand and bringing it up to my mouth and kissing it.
Christian leaned over and kissed me on the lips lightly, then once more, and once again. I smiled at him and he managed a small, but genuine smile back. Just then, we heard a door opening and we straightened ourselves up and ducked out of the vacant hallway we were in.
'We totally missed half of the period' Christian said with a smirk.
'Well not quite, only 15 minutes' I said looking at the time on my phone.
'By the way, your friends were nice' I said.
'Eden is so beautiful, I cant believe I never noticed her before'.
'She is. And neither can I' he said knocking me playfully with his shoulder.
'Well Sasha ain't too bad either' I said cheekily, grinning and wiggling my eyebrows'.
'Meh' he said.
I giggled a little then pushed him a little.
'He's hot. But you're hotter'.
'Gee, thanks' he said giggling a little himself.
We left it at that as we approached my math class. Christian smiled at me and waved as he walked down the rest of the corridor and around a corner out of my sight. I peeked in through the window and saw that Mr. Greenberg was busy with his back towards the students so I slipped in unnoticed and sat at the back far left corner as usual.
Last period was my favourite class, art. Simply because I got to create and imagine and be free to do so. And I excelled in it too. Mrs. Rosewood was more than super supportive, and her encouragement was my muse.
'We missed you yesterday' she said as I entered the classroom.
I guessed that by 'we' she meant herself and the 3 other students who took this class. Though we weren't best friends, we did get along, and spoke freely and openly in this one class we had in common. They were truly unique characters and extremely talented artists, varying.
'Aww shucks' I feigned.
'Well lets see?' she said holding her hand out expectantly.
I opened my satchel and pulled out some sketches I had done on Monday night. Our homework was to express how we felt on the inside. My interpretation of that was to show my eyes. I had pulled up a mirror and sketched the left side of my face, showing every detail, every line, every hair. My grey eyes full of sadness and loneliness, I thought fit perfectly for this assignment.
Mrs. Rosewood studied my sketch for a good while. When she looked at me, her eyes were moist, but she looked at me with pride. She gave me a quick smile and nod, then handed me back my sketch. I tucked it back into my art folder and placed it back in my satchel.
Half way through the lesson, she came back over to me.
'Beautiful sketch Dylan. I wanted to talk to you about something'.
'Yeah sure, what's up?' I asked a little concerned.
'Well I submitted a few pieces of your work in a contest. There's a prize of $10000 for first place, I hope you don't mind?'.
'What? You think I have a shot?'.
'Of course. I sent in your painting of your mom, and the photograph of that tree, your first assignment way back' she said with a grin.
'Oh wow' was all I could say.
In my opinion, I knew that I was good, but $10000 good? I was very glad though, that the pieces she had chosen were my favourites. The painting of my mother I had done here in class a weeks after being kicked out of home. It was, however, not the most inspiring or cheery paintings. It was black and grey, and depicted my mother as a soulless woman. It scared me when I had finished it within the hour of the class. But I was proud of it.
The photograph was of the oak tree, my oak tree. It was one of my first assignments for this class in freshman year. Well before all the drama that being gay had caused me. It was simply just a capture of the oak tree in all its autumn glory. The bright leaves in the background. The thick dark brown trunk showings is sturdiness. I had almost forgotten about the photograph completely. Luckily Mrs. Rosewood kept everything in file.
'The winners will be announced next week'.
'I have so much faith in you. You could even gain scholarship im sure'.
'Oh god, really? You think so?'.
'Absolutely. You know if I could, I would pay for you self. That's how much I believe in you Dylan'.
'Thank you Mrs. Rosewood'.
'No problem dear. So we'll be cutting 50/50?' she asked, giving me a joking grin.
'Its yours' I said giggling.
After school, I made my way to the front of the school and started heading home when a car pulled up next to me on the pavement.
'Dylan, want a ride?' a voice asked me as the window went down.
Eden's head popped out of the passengers seat window smiling at me.
'Ah, no im good. Thank you though'.
'Come on, we're going to get something to eat. Get in'.
'No really, its ok'.
'Come on, we can drop you off were ever you're going to then. Just get in the car' she said smiling.
'Dude, she's not gonna give up' Leon yelled from his side of the car, the drivers side.
I giggled as I saw Eden slap her brother on the arm. Eden then gave me sad puppy eyes which made me giggle even more then I shrugged my shoulders and ran over to the car, getting in.
'Thanks' I said quietly.
'Ever been to Jeannes Coffee House and Internet Cafe?'.
I simply giggled, and nodded my head.
'Yeah, i've been there'.