'Mom?' Christian announced as we came through his front door.
Being back here in his house was surreal. I remember it like it was yesterday though. The foyer from the front door was spacious. The kitchen to the left, the family room to the right, and the staircase that lead to the second story was directly in front of us with a small hallway next to it that lead to the rest of the first floor.
I could smell bacon or ham or pork as soon as we entered the house.
'Christian Emerson Josiah Michael Davitz! Why are you not at sch...?' Mrs. Davitz called out before stopping as we entered the kitchen.
She was standing at the island counter chopping various vegetables, she was on the celery at this moment. She stopped as she turned to look at us, knife in hand and dropped it to straighten up her apron she wore. She came over and looked at for a second before giving me a small hug.
'Dylan? Its been so long, how have you been darling?' she asked as she pulled away from me and motioned for us to take a seat on the other side of the island on the stools.
'Hi Mrs. Davitz, its nice to see you again. I'm good thank you, and yourself?' I answered back as i sat down on a stool. Christian sat next to me.
'Well I'm great now that I know my son is keeping your company again. Lord knows I hate those meat-headed football players he hangs out with!' she said looking dead pan at her son before turning back to me with a smile.
'Mom!' Christian chimed in.
Mrs. Davitz continued to chopped her vegetables. Once she had finished on the celery she made her way to the refrigerator and pulled out 2 cans of Coca Cola and handed them over to Christian and myself.
'Thank you Mrs. Davitz' I thanked, taking the can.
'My pleasure dear. So my son, why are you not at school? I had to lie when the school called earlier asking where you were' she said turning to face her son.
Christian looked down at the can then opened it and took a long drink from it. His face blushed over bright red and I thought for a second that he may be embarrassed to be with me again. He put the can down then looked at me. I knew he was making time to think of a plausible lie. He turned back to look at his mother who was looking at him.
'Ah, I wanted to talk to Dylan about some things. Speaking of which' he said turning back to look at me, 'Do you want to go upstairs to my room to finish our conversation?' he asked me.
'OK you two go on upstairs' Mrs. Davitz said as she took her bowl of vegetables and walked over to the stove, 'The soup will be ready in 20 minutes, ill call you down'.
It smelt so good. The soup filled the room as she lifted the lid to the giant pot as she poured the vegetables in. I looked at her as she turned and smiled to me. I smiled back but was saddened. Her smile was so loving and motherly and I knew I was on the verge of tears. I missed my mom so frickin' much, but I knew I would never see a smile like Mrs. Davitz on my moms face ever again.
I turned to look away as my eyes betrayed me and two tears fell out of them. To my horror I turned around to the door and Christian was standing there looking at me. I quickly wiped the tears away. He looked concerned, but then the look on his face turned to a look of understanding. Could it be that he knew why I was sad? No, sure not!
He motioned his head to follow him so I stood up and walked towards him. He lead me upstairs and my heart began to pound. I was nervous. We got to his room, the first on the left off of the stairs. He opened the door and allowed me to walk in first then he entered and shut the door.
'Take a seat. Sorry its a bit messy' he said as he plopped himself on his bed.
I looked around the room. It was different than I remembered it being. Of course it had been so long, and so much had changed since then. For one, he was now a football player which he wasn't when I had known him. He hated the sport, but for some reason after we 'broke up' so to speak, he began playing. Strange.
I noticed his desk and chair, so I pulled the chair out and sat on it. His desk was cluttered with paper and books and his laptop. I turned and noticed his laptop was connected to his stereo system and television. It all looked top of the range and expensive so I made a mental note to not touch anything.
I also noticed that he now had a king size bed instead of 2 singles. His walls were now painted a cobolt blue instead of the cream coloured wallpaper they use to be. I was busy looking around and he just seemed to sit there in quiet watching me scope his room out.
'Different right?' he said.
'Yeah, way different' I said turning to look at him.
He smiled then lent back against his pillows and stretched his arms and folded them behind his head then stretched his legs out full length across his bed. He was taller than me, about 6'1 or 6'2. His body was built well from football I guessed. His arms were well defined but not too stocky. The same with his mid section and torso, I could see his body even with clothes on. His face was masculine, with a wide shaped jaw and full red lips. His eyes were a deep blue, almost like the ocean. His hair was naturally blond and curly that he wore short, just below his ears.
I swallowed a dry gulp as I realised that I was checking him out. I had never checked him out before. Even though I was gay, he was like a brother to me, so it seemed too weird for me to think of him like that before. Now though, I seemed it was OK to check him out since we were no longed as tight as we were. He was hot!
'So?' he asked.
My neck snapped as I looked at his face. He had a huge grin on his face and I felt embarrassed and ashamed. Perhaps he knew I was checking him out? Shit!
'So?' I said back coyly, but really actually shitting myself.
'So?' he said again, this time sitting up with a weird look on his face.
'So why'd you ask me to come here?' I asked what had been on my mind the whole walk from our beautiful tree to here.
'Cant I ask my friend to come over?' he asked cheekily.
'What did you want to show me?' I asked ignoring the fact that him calling me a friend made me uncomfortable.
He paused for a while then swung around to his bedside table. He reached for the top drawer then pulled out a silver frame. He swung his legs back up on the bed then looked at me and patted the spot next to him for me to sit there. Again I felt uncomfortable but got up and went to sit there. He passed me the frame and I looked at it.
'You kept it' I said looking at the photo of us two in front of our tree, the same photo i had taken and given him for his birthday that fateful day.
'Of course I kept it' he said, 'I see you kept yours too'.
I looked at him and he was looking at my chain. I gave him back the frame then got back up and went to sit back on his desk chair.
'Yeah' I said coyly.
'So...I wanted to come here to show you this' he lifted up the frame, 'But I also waned to talk some more, if that's OK?' he asked.
'I guess so' I said shrugging my shoulders.
'Can you sit over here?' he said patting the space next to him again.
I looked at him again. He had a sad look on his face so I complied. I sat down next to him.
I looked at him again. He held his head down and was looking at the frame and the photo.
'I...I've missed you Dylan, so much' he said rubbing the frame.
That was it. Tears filled my eyes and cascaded down my face. His voice sounded sincere and I felt my heart heal a little. Was I waiting for his apology all this time? I wiped my eyes then looked at him. He looked at me waiting for an answer.
'I forgive you' I said nodding my head.
He dropped the frame down and reached over and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back and it felt good. It almost felt like before. But of course this was different. He was different now, he had grown up and seemed to have understood what he did to me. We hugged for a while before he pulled off of me.
I looked at his face yet again. It was red, and his eyes were watery. He has a look of confusion and angst on his face. I was confused, but it looked like he wanted to say something. I reached down and patted his knee to reassure him that it was OK.
'You can tell me anything' I said to him to further reassure him.
He nodded his head then breathed in a huge breath of air.
'I...I was scared back then. I didn't know how to handle the whole thing and...and I freaked'.
'Its OK, I understand' I lied.
'No you don't!' he seemed to yell at me then stood up quickly.
He scared me with that move. He paced back and forth a few times slowly, thinking of what to say. I had no idea what was going on. Then he finally stopped and looked at me. He calmed himself down then sat back down on the bed.
'When you kissed me that day, and especially because you had just told me you were ga...you know' he said ignoring the word, 'I freaked. I guess I was insecure and confused'.
I nodded my head in silence. I didn't know what to say or ask or do. His face still looked like he wanted to say something. So I waited. After about a minutes silence he spoke back up.
'I was young and stupid and didn't understand things back then. After you kissed me I...'
'SOUPS READY BOYS!'
FUCK! He was about to say something before he was interrupted and I was mad! And by the looks of it, I guessed that Christian was mad too. He sighed and slumped his shoulders forward. I patted him on the back and he looked up at me and smiled a little smile. He stood up and opened the door and I followed him downstairs into the kitchen.
'Here you go sweetie' Mrs. Davitz handed Christian a bowl of soup, 'Grandmas old recipe that I know you love' she said with a beautiful smile.
She looked like Christian, if Christian were a 45 year old female. She had natural blond curly hair that she wore midway down her back. Her eyes were the same deep blue colour. Her face though, was soft and motherly. She was the same height as me, and she wasn't stick skinny but normal sized, a real woman.
She smiled at me and handed me a bowl for myself.
'I hope you enjoy it. There's plenty if you'd like to take some back home for your folks'.
My heart stopped. It was like a natural reaction for my brain because tears just fell out of my eyes before I had time to even think about it. I tried to stopped but they wouldn't. FUCK! I turned to look away but I knew she saw me. Christian probably even saw me. Sure enough, I felt his hand on my back. I knew it was him because the hand was strong and manly.
'Its OK buddy' he said patting my back.
'Shit, I'm sorry' i said wiping my eyes and turning to him.
Christian sat me down on a stool and sat next to me still patting my back. I looked up and Mrs. Davitz had a look of guilt and confusion on her face.
'I'm sorry Mrs. Davitz, it wasn't your soup' I said trying to make a joke.
It seemed to work because she gave me a slight smile and I even heard Christian slightly chuckle.
'Wh...What happened dear?' she asked.
She had Christians nervous stutter too. I never hesitated to lie to her. I always made a conscious decision to be honest about my situation if such questions were asked. So far, hardly anyone cared, so they never asked.
'I was kicked out' I said simply.
Mrs. Davitz came over and patted my arm.
'Oh my, where are you staying?' she asked.
'Mom' Christian chimed in still rubbing my back, even though my tears had subsided.
'No its OK' I assured him, 'I'm gay' I said looking at her.
There was a little silence and Christian stopped rubbing my back and dropped his arm. Asshole! I stood up and headed for the door but I was stopped by a hand grabbing my arm. I turned and it was Mrs. Davitz. She pulled me in and hugged me tightly. I couldn't help it so I started crying into her. She held me for a while then broke off of me, still holding me with her arms firmly on mine.
'They never mentioned anything of the sort' she said.
'That doesn't surprise ma'am, they hate me' I replied.
'Oh dear' she said pulling me back into a hug.
She then guided me back to the stool and sat me down. I looked next to me and Christian was sitting there in silent looking at his bowl of soup. I looked back at Mrs. Davitz and smiled.
'I'm sorry for this awkwardness' I said shrugging my shoulders.
'Don't be. Eat your soup OK?' she replied with a nod.
I took the spoon and plunged it into the bowl and brought up and spoonful of chunky vegetables, bits of pork and thick soup and raised it to my mouth. It was like heaven! The flavours were salty and earthy and so fucking delicious! The vegetables were soft and melted in my mouth. I quickly dove back in for another spoonful, then another, and another. Before I knew, the bowl was empty.
'Well now i know it was definitely not my soup' Mrs. Davitz said, breaking the silence.
I smiled at her smiling at me. I heard Christian chuckle a little again and I looked at him. He was looking at me watching me eat.
'That was delicious!' I exclaimed.
'Thank you dear' she said in acknowledgement.
'Yeah mom, it was delicious' Christian finally spoke.
Mrs. Davitz started cleaning the bench top and fumbling around putting things away. I sat there until Christian had finished his soup too. He picked up our bowls and walked around to the sink to rinse out our bowls and spoons.
I watched as Christian pulled his mom away and seemed to whisper to her something. I tried to listen but it was impossible to hear a thing. Mrs. Davitz spun to look at me then turned back into her secret conversation with her son. I was worried.
'So Dylan, would you like to stay the night?' Mrs. Davitz asked turning back to me and walking around to me.
Christian wouldn't look at me and turned to the refrigerator.
'Uh, thanks for the offer Mrs. Davitz, but I cant' I answered.
'Oh, you have plans?' she asked.
'Yes ma'am, I have plans'.
'Dylan do you mind if I ask you where you stay?' she asked.
'No ma'am, I don't mind. I live with...'
'His boyfriend' Christian interrupted, 'Downtown right?' he said looking at me pleadingly.
'Ah, yeah. Yes ma'am' I lied looking back at Mrs. Davitz.
'Oh OK. Well maybe another time' she said looking back at her son then carrying on cleaning the kitchen.
Christian walked away towards the door and motioned his head to follow him. I stood up and followed him to the family room. It was large and spacious. I sat on the couch facing towards the television and Christian sat right next to me.
'Sorry about that, I didn't want her knowing about your...agreement' he said.
'My agreement?' I asked him offended.
'You know, Julian and the...you know, for money'.
'Its more than that asshole!' I said standing up and walking to the front door.
'Dylan wait!' he called after me.
He grabbed my arm before I could open the front door. I spun around and looked at him. He looked at me and did the unexpected. He lent in and kissed me on the lips. He pushed into the lips with his and brought his right hand up to my neck. I opened my mouth and parted my lips in response. We kissed for 4 seconds max then he pulled away. I stood there shocked.
'What the fuck!' I said shocked.
'Dylan you have to know why I did what I did' he pleaded.
I had no idea what he was talking about but I really wanted to know. He turned and sat on the fifth step on the staircase and I sat next to him.
'That day that you kissed me, I felt confused. That's why I hit you'.
'What are you talking about?'.
'I had feelings that I didn't understand, or didn't want to be true. I...I liked you beyond just friends, but when you told me your were...you know, I freaked because I clicked for me, my feelings for you, Shit!' he said clearly nervous.
I sat there absorbing everything he was saying. He had feelings for me? What the hell! I sat there in silence.
'Say something?' he pleaded.
'Are you gay?' I asked.
'No. I don't know, maybe. Shit!' he answered.
'Do you like guys?'.
'No' he dropped his head, 'Just...you' he said.
My heart started pounding. I was so confused.
'So you avoided me for 2 whole years, not one single word, because you liked me?'.
'No. Yes' he said shaking.
'That's why you hit me? You got your friends to beat the shit out of me because you liked me? That makes no sense'.
'I know it doesn't. Nothing made sense back then. I was so confused. Now I know that I liked you back then and I...I still do now. God this is so hard!'.
He had tears running down his cheeks. I lifted his chin with my hands and he looked at me.
'Can I kiss you?' I asked stupidly.
He simply nodded his head. I lent in and pressed my lips to his. His lips parted and mine did too. I kissed him softly still holding his chin with my hand. He took charge and sucked on my bottom lip. He then pulled away to take a breath, then lent back in and grabbed the sides of my head and held it there. He kissed me with such passion I had never felt. We kissed only for 2 minutes maybe, but it was the best kiss I had ever had.
When he broke off from the kiss, he stood up and smiled at me. I stood up and walked to the door.
'I have to go' I said.
'Are you mad?' he asked concerned.
'No, far from it' I said giving him a smile.
He smiled then lent back in for another kiss. This one was shorter, but still as passionate. He had a glimmer in his eye and he stood close to me. So close I could smell his mint fresh breath.
'Why are you leaving?' he said, 'Its only 4' he raised his arm and looked at his watch.
'I need to get to the store before Julian gets home'.
'Oh' he looked down and pulled away from me.
'Hey' I grabbed his chin and lifted it up, 'Whats wrong?'.
'I don't like it, you and him'.
'Ill be OK, I've done so this far haven't I?'
'I suppose so' he shrugged.
'Don't worry OK?'.
'I will. I have all this time, and now I...I feel like I've got you back I don't want to...to lose you again'.
'You wont, as long as you don't get your friends to beat the shit out of me again' I said with a smile.
He didn't take the joke though. He dropped his head again and a tear fell down onto my shoe.
'Christian look at me' I said.
He looked up and another tear fell out of his eye. I lent in and kissed the tear away.
'I'm sorry' I said.
'No, I'm sorry. I cant believe I did that to you'.
'Christian Emerson Josiah Michael Davitz!' I mock-growled.
He smiled at me then kissed me on the cheek.
'What was that for?' I asked.
'To see if you would punch me' he said with a slight smile.
I pushed his face away with my hand playfully and he moved away and smiled.
'Its OK, we've over that now' I said.
'Thank god!' he exclaimed.
We stood there in the foyer at the front door just staring at each other for a while.
'Boys?' Mrs. Davitz called from in the kitchen.
'Mom, Dylan's just leaving' Christian called out as we stood apart and straightened ourselves out.
Mrs. Davitz came out of the kitchen and came over and gave me a hug.
'It was great to see you again Dylan, come over again!' she demanded.
'Thank yo Mrs. Davitz, it was great seeing you again too'.
'Hes coming over tomorrow' Christian said looking at me and giving me a wink.
'Oh good' Mrs. Davitz said giving me another hug.
Christian opened the front door and Mrs Davitz waved then went back into the kitchen.
'Ill see you at school tomorrow right?' Christian asked.
'Dude, this is the first day off I've taken in my life' I replied, 'Of course ill be at school tomorrow'.
'What? That's impressive, and a bit geeky too' he said giving me a little smile.
I pushed his face away away with my hand playfully again and walked down the steps.
'Youll sit with me tomorrow ok?' he said more than asked.
'I dont know, what about your friends?' I asked.
'They like you. But if they dont, then theyre no longer my friends'.
I shrugged my shoulders then turned to walk away.
'Fine, just walk away' he said playfully.
'Ill text you later' I said poking my tongue out to him as I walked away.
'Not if I get there first!' he exclaimed then waved and walked back inside.
Less then 10 seconds later I got a text.
'c u 2moro :P'
I smiled as tucked my phone back into my back pocket. I was actually happy, and something inside me felt different. I have forgiven Christian from the bottom of my heart, and he seemed to be genuinely remoreful for the whole situation. And he had explained thinsg too, of why he did what he did. Even though it wasnt the ideal thing to have done, I kind of understand.
Anyway, I felt like I was flying. Apart of me had healed, and it felt amzing, and weird at the same time.
I touched my lips as I walked. We kissed. I could still feel the passion in his kiss. I could still feel his breath on mine, and him sucking on my bottom lip. His lips were so soft and plump and tender. They felt so incredible against mine, and I didnt want to part from them.
Questions started to fill my head. What were we now? Were we friends? Boyfriends? We werent bestfriends again, thats for sure. Bestfriends dont kiss each other like we kissed each other. What would I do about Julian if Christian and I were boyfriends? All these questions scared and confused me, and I began to worry. I pushed them aside and allowed my memories of our kiss to flood my head. That brought back a smile to my face for now.
I think for the first time in a long time, im happy