I wake up early one morning to be greeted by a musty smell and humid air. my mouth was completely dry. i get up out of bed in nothing but a T shirt and boxers. i head downstairs to quench my thirst with some water. i was incredibly tired and out of it, but i always was in the morning. by the way, my name is Josh.

i am 18 with long brown hair, and brown eyes. i stand at 5'11'' with a lean build and a smooth chest with a light six pack. and i am gay, or at least i think i am. Anyways, i was getting a drink of water when i remembered, the weekend was over. school is in an hour and i still have to shower and get dressed. and because today is monday, i have A baseball game.

which means only one thing, backaches. because i play 1st base, Im not that fast of a runner. so instead i make up for it in home run power. but its worth it, i have a huge crush on one of my teammates, Dylan. he has the most beautiful blue eyes you will ever see on a guy. he is around 6' tall and has short light brown hair, he has a smooth body with a nice six pack. thankfully he has never seen me looking at him in the locker room. so i head to school and go about my business as usual. fast forward 5 1/2 hours and Im in the locker room getting into the god awful cream colored uniforms. i hated them, they make you look like a freshly baked pastry. i turn around to see dylan shirtless heading towards his locker which is right next to mine. " whats up man?" he asks.

"nothing much. you gunna give us a no hitter so i dont have to do any work?' i asked as we both laughed.

"are you serious?"

"yeah! do you know how hard it is just standing there waiting until you have a baserunner to worry about? its some job over at first!"

I said as we laughed together. " i'll see what i can do." he said laughing. the while team gets along pretty well with each other except for matt. he seems to have some major beef with me for whatever reason. "HEY JOSH!." he screams from across the room. "what matt?" i answered. "are you a queer?" he screams. "i already told you, NO!!!!" i answered. i was getting pissed now. he does this all the time. "dont lie to me! i see the way you look at dylan!" he replied. Dylan looked over to me. i started to get angry "if you dont shut the hell up, im going to introduce a baseball bat to your Head." i screamed angrily.

I hear him chuckle. "why cant he just leave you alone?" dylan said shaking his head. i took off my shirt to put on my jersey with the number 86 on the back. as i was standing there shirtless for a brief moment, i noticed Dylan out of the corner of my eye looking at my faded abs. "see something you like?" i said with a smile. i looked at him. "what? um... I Uh... i was just spacing out." he said panicked. "ok" i replied. "hmmmm." i thought to myself.

its my 2nd at bat of the game and the opposing team brought out a new pitcher. I would to if my team had two men on base, 1 out and the other teams best hitter at the plate. the pitcher works from the stretch, and throws the ball. strike one. throws the ball again, strike 2. im down in the count, the pitcher throws it one last time. the ball heads towards my head, I try to get out of the way, but its no use and the 91 mph ball hits me in the face.

I drop to the ground, grabbing my face in pain, my vision turns blurry and dark. I could just barely see the school nurse, the coach, and 3 teammates of mine around me. my head hurt like a bitch, I could feel blood run down my cheek and start to pool on the ground. I could hear matt laughing in the background. an ambulance pulls up and the EMTs take me to the hospital.

I wake up 6 hours later, I have a massive headache and the TV was hurting my eyes. my dad sees me wake up and turns off the TV. " how are you feeling?" he asks me. I couldn't answer, my head hurt too much. I lay there in the hospital bed waiting and listening to peoples conversations about me. I heard the doctor say to my parents that I will never play again. my heart felt smashed. I loved playing baseball and now I will never play again. all thanks to a fucking baseball. I see a guy with blue eyes and light brown hair around 6 feet sitting in a chair with his head down looking at the floor. "hey Doc?' I said weakly, the doctor comes over.

I point to the guy in the chair, "i don't know him." my mother says, " of course you do. Dylan? remember him? answer me honestly." "i really dont know him." I answer. I keep staring at this guy, trying to remember who he is. I was confused. I couldnt even remember getting up this morning. I felt lost and out of place. I stay in the hospital overnight and wake up the next morning. I get dressed and get sent home. I stay out of school for a week. I felt like I had to do something I just couldnt remember what. I head back to school a week later. I remembered my classes but not my friends, I felt weird and I felt disoriented. but the doctor said that its normal for that to happen. I walk through the halls when somebody grabbed me and gave me a huge hug.

I started to flash back to monday before the game in the locker room. I remembered Dylan. I knew who it was hugging me. he said "how are you feeling? do you remember me?" Dylan asked. "how could I forget one of my closest friends, Dylan?" I answered. "you did a good job doing that at the hospital." he said as he released me from his grasp. His smile vanished.. "there is something I have to ask you."

So we are standing there staring at each other. i looked into his eyes and saw something twinkle. it was really bright. kind of like a star on a crystal clear night. "So what did you want to-" before i could finish my sentence, he grabbed my arm and pulled me in close to him. i could smell the Old Spice radiate off of him in waves. "are you OK?" i asked. he released my arm. "i gotta go." he yelped. and just like that, he left me standing there like an idiot. i started to head to my 3rd period class. when i hear from behind me: "hey Buddy!" Matt. this time i was ready for him. "having Boyfriend issues are we, Faggot?" he yelled.

"Matt, seriously, leave before you get yourself hurt." i replied. he got in my face, "yeah OK. whatever you say." he said with a smirk on his face. for no reason he shoved me, i blew a head gasket and lunged at him. i extended my arm and it smashed into his chest, knocking him right down to the ground. Genuine Clothesline. he got back to his feet very gingerly. my face was bright red. "Ok you win. just don't hit me again Ok? I'm sorry." he said nervously. "NO! I'm not taking any more Shit from you anymore!! I've been tormented by you since the 8th grade and now your going to pay for it!!!" i grabbed him by the throat, and i squeezed as hard as i could.

I went off the deep end, Matt's face started to turn Purple. i could feel him straining, trying to get air into his lungs, "Josh!! Let go of him Immediately!" Principal Cahill screamed. i blocked it out and never weakened my grip on my tormentors throat. "josh! let go of him NOW!!" Mr. Cahill screamed. i let go. he fell to the ground, Gasping for air. i turned around and left the building. i Plugged in my ear buds and listened to my iPod which was cranked as Linkin Park and Metallica filled my head. i walked down the street and all the way back to my house. i stepped into my house, and went right to my room.

My parents were working and my older Brother was in College so nobody was home. i threw off my shirt and laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling, My eyes flickered and fell shut. i fell asleep. finally at peace for a little while. 3 hours later, My Cell phone Goes off, waking me up from my peaceful rest, text message. "where are u?" it read. it was from Dylan. "i had to leave." i replied. "what happened?" it said. "i snapped at Matt Baker and Choked him half to death." i sent back to him. "OMG!!!" it said. "i know. im still Cooling down." i replied. "Ok. im Coming over to talk about it with you." Dylans text read.

"Alright. See you later." i replied.


Josh Volland

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