I loved Martin with all my heart. He was my crack, and cocaine. I couldnt imagine my life without him. We had planned on running away. We were gonna leave it all behind. We knew that we always wanted to be around each other. I was home with mom one day and we were cooking, i was peeling some potatoes and onions for her, and i heard my phone ring, and i dunno how. But i knew it was him. I quickly washed off my hands and ran to the phone and picked up.


"Hey babe" I was smiling from ear to ear.

"Hey, How are you?".

"Im good, You?" I noticed a shift in his tone and i could tell he was coughing and that there was something wrong "I don't want you to worry okay?". My mind ran places and i was scared shitless. "Okay. But what's going on? Is everything alright?" . "I came down with swine flu, and its pretty strong". My eyes instantly watered, cause i have been up the previous night watching the news about the increasing count of those who die because of swine flu.  "Im coming" I instantly said .. I heard him shout no into the phone as i was about to hang up. I pull the phone back to my ears and i say "This is something Big and swine flu needs constant attention, and i dont trust your mom who never gave quarter of a damn about you, or your dad who is always away, I love you , and i know that if i am ever gonna be with you, its always gonna be for better or for worse. I will be extra careful and wear gloves and the entire shenanigans. But... I wont just stand waiting for a phone call from someone saying you are dead".


He told me not to worry, that i shouldn't come and he told me i should give his parents the benefit of the doubt and wait for a couple of days and see how things work. I gave in. those two days turned into a week, the week turned into a month, and the month turned into a month and half of not seeing him because he is "too sick". He texted me saying that he got cleared from the doctor and wants to see me the following day, and that he misses me so much. During that month and half, his birthday had passed. So i had bought him two red velvet cupcakes with the number 18 on top. A massive Helium balloon, a perfume, and the album by his fav. band. We had planned on spending the entire day together. We were gonna meet in this very touristic site, which is like really far from home, but i went cause he likes it there. I went and he wasnt there yet. So i just roamed around and kept walking with all the things i  bought for him. I kept calling him and calling but his phone was turned off. and i just kept walking around waiting for him till i looked in my phone and found out that i had been there for over two and half hours. I was pissed, hurt, and felt a little bit broken that he would stand me up after all that time. I decided i was gonna go to his place and throw all those things in his face and walk away cause i knew that he had overslept. and as far as i knew.. You dont oversleep on a date that is important.. I got to his building, and i was gonna go up. he lived on the 20th floor. I was planning on giving him a good piece of my mind. A friend called me right before i was going up. He noticed that there is something wrong in my voice.. I told him what happened and what i am about to do. He told me to stay away from his building and go anywhere else. "Just dont confront him, go home, take a bath and relax" he said. " But he .. he just forgot about me".. "ADAM! do as i say, he isnt worth it" .. "Okay" .. And i went home and on the way i gave the cupcakes to this girl who was playing with her doll, and i gave the balloon to some boy with his mom. As for the album i threw it away. I went from someone who was really excited, to someone who just wants to break things and cry. I got home and i just slept.


I woke up a few hours later to the sound of my phone ringing. It was a text from him. the text said the exact following, and i quote . "Hey, buddy. Sorry I hadnt made it. I overslept." .. I had put in mind that he had just come out of a bad experience with a life threatening disease. (Apparently when you love someone you make up excuses and lies that you believe). "It's okay, but you better not pull a stunt like that one " "I wont babe"  "Good" I was still upset, and i wasnt acting like there was nothing wrong. I was acting like i am upset... which i was, and to be honest i still think it was my right. So anyway, come thursday and i am about to leave university, im on the bus, and i feel my phone buzz in my pocket, i take it out, and i find a text from him. "Hey Babe". "Hi hun". "So... I really wanna talk to you about something that happened just please know it was a total mistake, and it wont ever happen again" My heart sank and i wanted to turn off my phone... I really didnt wanna know what was the thing that he had done that was that bad... But i just decided to know.. "Okay, tell me" .. " So remember how i told you a few days ago that my friend is gonna sleep over?". "Yeah"  I said, kinda afraid where this was going .. " Well, we were in my room and we were watching batman, and eating popcorn and stuff, it was night ,and we were just having fun... well after the movie ended we started talking about sex and stuff, and how kissing just leads the way and its like a way of starting and ending it.


Well .. One thing had led to the other and we started kissing, and 20 minutes later i realized that we had had sex. Im really sorry, and i really dunno how it happened, but it just did" ..

I just sat there in the bus, my phone in my hand , and my eyes reading the text over and over and over again. I was broken .. That was my first ever heart break. It was so strong i could hear the sound of shattering pieces of my heart .. Like everything felt so wrong, you wanna throw up, you feel like you wanna die, and just crash and burn and cry and explode.. Multiply that by a million .. That was how i felt.. I fell from cloud 9 to the depths of hell. I gave him my all .. I gave him everything i had, and i did all my best not to let him down .. But he just  took it all, and he took my heart along with it all, and set it all on fire and danced around it and roasted marshmallows on top.He took all of me.  I got home and ran into my room and closed the door, and locked it. I threw my body on my bed. I cried.. I let it all go, I was at my wits end and i just let it all flood and go out.. I cried, I cried harder than i ever had.  I could feel the pain and heartache settle deep within my heart and start to infect me slowly like a virus that won a battle over my body. My first love had broken me..


I laid in bed for the following few days, ignoring all calls. not eating, not drinking, just breathing in and out. I had lost my will to love and to live. I had gone into this vortex of never ending sadness.. Little had i known what was in store for me and how that this was just the beginning of my life, and not the end like i had thought then...

 

Adam.J

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