"The diner wasn't crowded, never is this late at night. Everyone around these parts thinks you have to eat between five and seven so you can turn in early.  But I liked the night time, something Cotton and I shared...before he left. I sat in the booth watching Thomas eat, the two of us silent since our food arrived.  He was attractive with such a nice muscular body although I knew it was from his labors and not a gym. He was unlike most other guys around here, with tall lean builds, a build like Cotton had, and I hesitated to give thought to this comparison. Hesitated to consider whether or not Thomas could be into something more even though he seemed to be opening a slew of doors ever since he got into my ole truck back at the river. And I could not stop looking at him, studying his features, wondering what lay beneath the tight shirt and jeans he wore.

"Thomas had the fairest, whitest skin of anyone I'd ever seen.  I knew girls in high school who used every product they could find on their skin and they had not looked as good as Thomas. Did he use something on his skin I wondered as I let my eyes follow the line of his jaw, the faint shadow of his beard, the way it outlined his jaw and came down around his chin and over his mouth. Then I looked into his eyes, so dark brown they looked black, and I realized he was watching me, grinning between bites of his grilled cheese.

"His foot rubbed up along the side of my right foot and I flinched, but I did not move my foot. I felt him move along the side of my foot and then upward along the inside of my ankle. I saw him ease down in the booth as his foot worked along my leg, smiling in such as mischievous manner I found myself smiling back at him.

"He made some comment and I had to ask him to repeat it for I had been looking at the way his t-shirt was stretched across his chest, both nipples plainly visible through the thin fabric. 'I said it's funny how we can find what we want when we just go for it' he repeated and I didn't know what to say at first as I just nodded my head. 'Yeah' I finally whispered as we sat looking at each other. He leaned forward closing the distance between us making it more intimate, this space we occupied and I found myself leaning forward closing the gap even more. 'You want to go back to your place?' he asked in a low voice, barely above a whisper. I nodded  yes unable to say the word, my mouth suddenly dry.

"Thomas paid as promised and we soon found ourselves standing in my living room a couple of feet apart, both of us hesitant to make the first move. I asked him if he wanted a beer and we found ourselves on the sofa, not next to each other but not fully separated either.  Thomas slugged the beer back and the empty bottle was placed on the side table as Thomas moved a little closer, just an inch or two closer at most but I could feel the way he shifted his weight, the way he seemed to be leaning toward me and I took a nervous swig of my beer and sat the half full bottle down. When I turned back I saw Thomas' hand move to my leg and rest on it just above the knee. I turned to look at him and saw him closing the distance between us. Closing my eyes and eagerly waited for his kiss, waited to feel the contact between us. He barely touched me the first time and pulled away. I opened my eyes to see him looking at me questioningly and I smiled as I was the one to close the distance between us this time.

"It had been so long since I'd been with anyone and suddenly I found myself with Thomas, kissing, touching, tugging on each other clothes till we were naked. I was on my back with Thomas on top. The weight of his body felt good, the solidness of it, the way it covered my own body. I felt the heat between us, the way our skin became wet with the heat of our contact and we moved slickly against each other.

"It came back to me for a moment, the times with Cotton, me on my back and Cotton slipping his arms underneath my knees, pulling them up till my legs rested against his chest, or he had them pressed to my own chest folding me in half. The way I opened up to Cotton, wanted to feel our bodies lock together had seemed so natural and once again I felt myself shifting beneath another man, this time Thomas, with legs spread to hold him in place, to feel his body nestle down between them. I felt Thomas' cock touch me, rub along the side of my own erection, slickly moving over my skin. His hot breath hit my ear and he whispered how much he wanted to be with me. I wrapped my arms around his back feeling the strength of his body as he moved over me. I ran my hands down the smooth curve of his back and down to his ass, a hand on each round firm cheek, feeling them pump slightly as Thomas worked his cock against me building our aroused states till we couldn't hold back any longer.

"Fuck me' I uttered as I felt Thomas move to where his cock touched me below my sac, felt it rub up and down that line that led to my opening, the head following it downward till it was pressing against it. I wanted him to penetrate me, wanted to fill him breach my opening and sink every inch into me. I pushed upward as much as I could and felt him thrust downward with his hips. His cock breached my tight opening and sank into my hole. Slowly, gently, Thomas eased into me. I felt the way he worked his ass through my hands, the  way he worked his hips to push inward into my hole. I cried out and pulled down on his ass, inpatient, desperate, desire making me reckless, as I took all of Thomas, every inch till we were locked together tightly.

"I felt Thomas start to pull upward with his hips and I held tight with my hands on each cheek. 'Give me time to relax to you' I whispered and the tension I felt in each hand loosened. He held still and I savored the feel of his cock buried inside me, the way it filled me.  I felt Thomas' lips on my neck, a nip at my ear then the move to my lips. As we kissed I relaxed my hold on the cheeks of his ass and he slowly pulled upward, then pushed back in. Over and over he moved his hips up and down, slowly, as if he was trying to work himself deeper.

"I pushed upward as best I could to meet his downward thrusts till our pace grew frantic, faster and faster he moved his hips till my sofa squeaked pitifully beneath us. 'Oh fuck..fuck' he cried out as he raised up with his arms, his muscular body tensed up tight, every muscle visible beneath his skin as he piston his cock roughly in me. I held onto his waist feeling the way his body flexed with his undulations, the way he drove himself into me, powerful thrusts that seemed to push ever deeper into my hole.

"I sensed he was close, the way he fell out of rhythm, jabbing downward roughly with his hips. 'Jesus' he cried out as he slammed down and held still and I could feel his cock flex with each ejaculation. He worked his hips slowly, moving his cock through his load till he finally had to stop. He slipped his slick wet cock free and fell down top of me. 'Fuck...that was hot' he uttered. I knew it had been his first time with his impatience to start and he didn't pace himself, just hammered his cock home till he came but I didn't care, for it was what I needed, this quick fuck, the first since Cotton left. One to clear the head as it were. We kept touching each other, hands moving over the other, lips together or exploring the other's face, neck and the hollow spot below the neck.  I gently rolled him over as I moved around him, worked my way on top. He submitted so naturally, so eagerly I had second thoughts on whether or not he had done this before. I didn't take long to get him into position, his legs on my shoulders as I held my cock to his opening. I saw him tense up, his skin tighten and I knew my impression was right. This was his first time and I told him to relax, to push to me. I eased forward with my hips feeling my cock squeeze through the tight ring of his opening, almost painfully tight, as I slowly worked my cock into him.  An inch or two and I'd hold still giving him time to adjust and each time I knew when to push further by the way his fingers relaxed their pressure on my waist.

"I fucked him slowly, the way I liked to begin, feeling every inch squeeze through the tight ring of the opening, inward and out, inward and out, over and over and over. Thomas' hands moved over me, along my sides, over the cheeks of my ass and over my back. They glided over my slick skin as I pumped my hips. I shifted positions and glanced down to see how my cock looked buried in his ass. I saw Thomas was hard again, the wet head of his cock leaving a slimy trail over his stomach. 'Fuck...fuck me' Thomas cried out, urging me onward.

"My pace quickened with my growing sensitivity, the way my cock grew harder and thicker with each push inward. Soon I was fucking Thomas with abandon, my pace as fast and rough as Thomas' had been and he urged me on, pleaded with me to fuck him, to fuck him harder. I felt his hands on my ass, their grip tightening with every inward push. I pressed my lips to Thomas', pushed my tongue deep into his mouth as I felt my cock flex up ready to explode. I hammered his hole, thrust with all my energy till I ejaculated wad after wad deep inside of him and I kept thrusting, kept pumping my hips feeling my cock cooled and become slicker from my own load. I pumped Thomas' hole till he was undulating wildly beneath me, almost crazed the way he moved.  Then I felt it, the warm spatter of cum on my chest and I knew he was coming again.

"Afterward he was such a different person. Gone was the cockiness of earlier or the rough eagerness of his fuck, instead he was docile, lying in my arms letting me hold him. We moved to my bed and eased down into position, me spooned up to Thomas from behind, our bodies slowly settling into a state of rest. Thomas fell asleep first and I listened to him breath, the slow even movement of his body and the way it relaxed completely against me.  I lay there thinking how different this was for with Cotton we didn't cuddle up like this, always something keeping us slightly apart.

"Over the next few days Thomas was over whenever he could make it and my schedule at the prison where I was a guard allowed. Each time found our rhythm falling more and more in alignment, each bringing the other to the to the point of release over and over till finally we were unable to hold back any longer.  I didn't know how to think of this relationship, this thing between two men. I knew if we lived in Atlanta or even one of the smaller cities nearby it would be different, but here, in this small rural place, doubt about what we could have hung in the air.

"It was a Tuesday, just a normal day in the middle of a week, and I had gotten home that afternoon after my shift. The mail seemed to be the usual ads, credit card offers and of course one bill for the cable.  Behind the bill was one more envelope, a small one used for personal correspondence.  I recognized the hand writing as soon as I saw it. The scrawl barely legible showing my address.  The envelope looked incomplete with no return address in the upper left corner. I looked at the postmark: Portland, Oregon. I was literally shaking as I ripped the envelope open and pulled the single sheet of notebook paper out where I saw it had been written on one side.  It was a letter from Cotton."


I hope you are ok.  Since my last post card I've been able to find a decent job and a place to live. I've got two roommates but it is the only way I could afford to live close to my job and you know, it is not so bad.  I'm finding my away around this place and it is shocking to me how open everyone is here.

I don't know how to say it but I'm really sorry about leaving the way I did but you know it is for the best. We were not living when we were together, neither pushing the other to do anything.  I do miss you and have to admit I've not been able to bring myself to go out with anyone. But I hope you have found someone. You deserve to be happy.  I'm not giving you my address for I don't want you to do something stupid like come out here.  Maybe later when I know you are ok.  Someone tells me you have been a loner since I left. Not good my friend. Please find someone.


"There it was, the reason for his leaving and as I put the letter back in the envelope I had to admit he was right.  I sat at the dining table, the envelope lying in front of me and thought about what Cotton had written, the undeniable truth of it. I wondered what kind of job he had gotten and what it is like for him to be living with two other people. The thought of him sharing an apartment with two other people made me smile.  It was suddenly okay. I leaned back, arms resting on the table with my hands lying on top of the envelope I wondered who in town he was still in regular contact. Cotton's innate secrecy caused me to have no clue, but I hoped whoever it was would be sending word soon I was okay.

"I called Thomas for we had made plans to be together the next evening and I wanted him to come over tonight.  Needed him to come over tonight. On the phone I told him Cotton had written and how it made me feel, a sense of closure, but how it made me want him, a need for us to be together. I told him I'd come into town and we could meet at the new restaurant up on 51, telling him to put on his good jeans and not the worn out pair he typically wore. He had laughed as he said he'd see me at seven.

"The restaurant was still surprisingly busy and I recognized a few faces among the patrons sitting around the dining room. When a waitress came up I told her there would be two of us, the other person was on their way.  I followed  her to a table on the far wall, a two top that happened to be away from the majority of the people dining. 'Perfect' I thought as I took a seat, thanking the waitress. Thomas came in and I waved him over where he took the other chair. We made small talk while the waitress came and went till we had drinks and our food order was taken.  Thomas asked about the letter and I repeated what it had said and told him I was glad to hear from Cotton and felt some sense of closure but was sad he seemed to have his own life on hold.

"When our meals arrived we talked quietly, conversations of local events, and for the first time that night I found myself settled down in my chair, relaxed, enjoying the simple act of eating in a way I had never done before. As we finished, leaning back in our chairs I felt Thomas' foot nudge up against mine. 'Ready to go back to your place?' he whispered across the table making me smile.

"As soon as we got inside my place Thomas was on me. I sometimes forgot how strong he actually is, how easily he can manhandle me. He tugged my shirt off, then his own, he got my shoes off, pants down and off, then his own till we were quickly naked, arms wrapped around the other kissing with bodies pressed together. I felt his cock press into my abdomen, the thick hard shaft pumping slightly against me showing the aroused state Thomas was in. I pulled back and led him to the bedroom where I moved to the bed and lay on my stomach. I felt the bed shift with his weight, felt his legs sink into the mattress either side of my own and felt his cock nestle between my ass cheeks as he moved down on top of me. He kissed the back of my neck, ran his lips along the edge of my hair around to one ear, nipping at the lobe and tonguing it. I pushed my ass up against him and moaned. The heat of his body, the way he was moving on top of me and his manipulations quickly aroused me to wanting it, to wanting him to penetrate me. I pushed up harder, undulated my body with his making the bed squeak and begged him to do it, pleaded with him to enter me.

"Thomas rose up over me and I raised my ass up. He cock pushed against me, the flared head nestled up to my opening and pressed against it till I stretched open letting him sink into my hole. 'Fuck' I cried out as I pushed up to take him. Thomas eased inward, slowly, stretching me open as he sank into my depths. When his abdomen rested against my ass I knew he was all the way in and soon his body was lying on top of me, hips grinding cock into my hole, arms coming around my shoulders and neck holding me in place and lips moving to the back of my neck once again. Thomas took me, moved against me and within me in ways that made me feel wild with some primitive need awoken. I worked my ass up and down as best I could taking all of Thomas' cock. He rose up and began to move his hips in full undulating movements working his cock nearly free then sinking all the way back into me. I grabbed at the sheet, pulling and pushing till the bed was pulled apart. I took every thrust feeling the way Thomas' cock piston in my hole.

"Thomas pulled out and I knew what he wanted and I quickly flipped over and put my legs on his shoulders. He moved over me folding me in half, my ass rising upward, spreading open for him and he quickly sank back into me, thrusting forward with his hips burying his cock all the way. The strength of his body was evident the way every muscle seemed to be pushing against his skin, flexing with every move as he fucked, fucked hard, his rhythm building to a furious pace.

"I begged him to fuck me harder and he hammered my hole with his cock. My old bed squeaked and banged against the wall as I took every inward thrust. 'Fuck. Christ' Thomas cried out as he shoved hard into me and held still for a brief moment and I knew he was coming. He began a slow pumping of his hips pushing his ejaculating cock inward with each release till he was spent.

"I felt as exhausted as he looked, both of us sweating, our breathing ragged. Thomas eased down my body, lips touching me across the chest, the stomach and finally on my cock, lightly against the head and down the shaft. I felt his tongue move back up the shaft, so painfully slow I lay back eyes closed trying to control myself. I was so close, my cock flexing with its arousal. When Thomas reached the head he lifted my shaft up and sank his mouth down over it. I felt the heat of his mouth engulf my cock then begin to move up and down. Wet and slick, his mouth moved on my cock, all the way down and back up to the head where I felt his tongue move over it. Over and over his mouth worked my shaft till I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed up into his mouth as I squeezed his shoulders as I came, pumping wad after wad into his mouth. I felt him swallow, felt his tongue move over the head of my cock working every drop from me. Finally spent, eyes still closed I felt Thomas move up settling down beside me. We kissed, gently, slowly, till exhaustion over took us.

"We both had to be at work early so the alarm startled us awake at an ungodly hour. I had the earliest time to be at work so I had to drag myself from bed first. Showered and dressed I saw Thomas pulling clean clothes from a dresser he now kept here and head to the bathroom. A brief kiss goodbye and I headed out.  It was still dark but the night lights lit up our vehicles enough to see something was wrong. As I got closer I saw the tires were slashed and something was painted down the sides. Faggot, queer and cocksucker were spray painted over our vehicles. At first I panicked, fearful, unsure what to do, then I grew angry, so pissed off I paced around for a few minutes before calling the police, knowing the whole time it was a waste of time.

"I knew the policeman who showed up, he had been a year ahead of me in school. Brian McCullough was his name and I watched as he eased out of patrol car. I wondered what he would say, wondered if he would be belligerent about the whole affair. He came up to where I stood. 'Matthew' was all he said at first and I watched him look over at our vehicles, Thomas sitting on the tailgate of my truck so furious I had told him to let me do the talking. Brian moved around each vehicle shaking his head. As he came back toward me I overhead him utter 'I should have left this place' and wondered what he meant. 'Matthew you know we'll probably never find out who did this unless they brag about to the wrong person?' he said as he stood in front of me. 'I know' I replied and saw him nod his head. 'Take pictures for  your insurance and I'll do a report you can give them and...' Brian hesitated, looked over at Thomas then back at me, '...and I'm sorry to see this.' I saw he was sincere and my anger seeped away, just left me in that moment. 'Thanks Brian' I replied. 'I'd cover that up with some paint if you got it' Brian added as he headed to his car.

"The next week there existed a tension between Thomas and I. Our sex was so physical it was almost too rough. Some of our conversations wound up into such an angry point one of us would have to calm the other. It was our own hometown, the place we grew up, that was rejecting us. There was talk behind my back at the prison, even some of the prisoners were making comments so I knew some of the others were stirring it up. Thomas didn't talk about how things were at his job but when I went by to pay the bill for four new tires I saw the looks.

"It was mid-afternoon and I was home watching something on television, what I'm not even sure now, when the phone rang. I grabbed it up worried it could be Thomas having problems at work.  'Matthew' said the voice on the other end and I recognized Cotton's voice immediately.


                        "Yeah, it's me. You alright...I mean..."

                        "You heard."

                        "I heard."

                        "I'm alright. I just find myself so angry at times...ya know?"

                        "I know. And Thomas, how's he doing?"

                        "Of course, you know all about Thomas too?"

                        "Yeah, my friend told me she sees you two together occasionally."

                        "Well, he's hanging in there."

                        "Matthew...I'm happy you found someone."

"I have to admit I stood silent for far too long not knowing how to respond but after a few awkward comments we settled into a conversation that suddenly made things better. Cotton admitted how his two roommates were actually two guys in a relationship and for him it was like watching some demonstration on how he should be living. He told me how they were constantly trying to fix him up with someone and how he had refrained from accepting but now that he knew I was alright maybe he would see if he could actually date again. I begged him to do it for I felt some sense of guilt at him keeping to himself.  By the end of the call he was telling me Thomas and I should move to Portland, how he'd help us find jobs, a place to live. I laughed it off, telling him that was too much, till he backed off and we ended the call with Cotton finally giving me his address and telephone number.

"When Thomas came in he asked immediately what I was up to as if I was up to something mischievous for I know it showed on my face. I told him nothing then told him about the phone call from Cotton and how he wanted us to move to Portland. As soon as I said it I saw the look on Thomas' face that told me he was considering it. The idea of moving had come up before, but those conservations considered destinations like Atlanta or New Orleans, not some place as far away as Portland. I knew he'd not say anything more about it for a while, just let the idea float around in his mind.


"After the phone call with Matthew I felt this sense of guilt evaporate. I had wondered so many times if I had somehow led Matthew into our relationship that was in so many ways not complete, missing so many aspects of one that was healthy.  Had I lured Matthew into something he would have not done if...if what?  When I was honest I knew not only was I gay but Matthew was too and our relationship was one of two people finding each other in a place where we thought we were alone.  The way we spent days on end holed up in that piece of shit mobile home I knew one of us had to break this cycle and in the end I knew it had to me.

"Chris and Jason knew as soon as I came out of my room that day something was different. When I told them okay to setting up the date with Taylor they literally jumped up and hugged me. I admit I had to smile at the episode, for it seemed like I was finally going to become a part of their circle of friends and not just a roommate who kept to himself. 'Joe, you're gonna like him. He works at this nonprofit in town and he is so down to earth.' Chris was saying and hearing him call me Joe always seemed so strange but it was a breaking from the past, a break from that place and it made everything right in the world. Joe was short for Joseph but no one back home called me either but here in Portland the nickname felt dumb and liked hearing my real name, even if shortened to just Joe.

"On the bus riding across town to meet Taylor for dinner I had those old fears rise up. A country boy with little education. Unworthy of anyone in town and I nearly didn't get off at my stop.  It was a small place, the restaurant I was to meet Taylor, a place he chose and I entered it nervously, putting my hands in my pockets, taking them out then putting them back, unsure what to do with them, unsure how to greet this person I didn't know whom I was meeting for a date. Did I give him a hug, shake hands or just make a verbal greeting. I thought about going into the restroom that was down a short hall to my right when I noticed a guy stand up and come toward me. He wasn't twenty feet away and was soon in front of me. 'Joseph?' he asked and I froze, unable to recall even his name at first then I stuttered telling him I was Joseph and he gently put one hand on my shoulder as he said it was good to meet me and come on, follow him to the table he had waiting.

"I'd like to say the dinner was perfect, that afterward we had great sex, but that didn't happen, not on this first date. Taylor knew I was nervous, could see it in my shaking hands, the way I stuttered and when I did talk I rambled on too long. We were having desert when he leaned back and told me it was okay, to relax. He told me Chris and Jason had told him all about my coming to Portland and why. Told him probably more than they should have but it was okay and I should relax. There were no expectations that night.

"I can remember leaning back and taking a deep breath, probably the first one of the entire evening. I put my hands on the table on either side of the small plate in front of me and looked at Taylor. 'Thanks, I really don't know what I'm doing' I confessed and he laughed telling me none of us did. I actually laughed at his reply.

"We went out on the sidewalk and I found myself nervous once again but he put his hand through my arm saying we should walk off dinner. It had been a nice night, slightly cool making our closeness even more right and he led me down the street pointing out places he visited, places his friends owned or worked, showing me how this was his neighborhood, a place he called home. I wondered what that felt like, to truly feel at home in some place.

After a few blocks and Taylor falling silent I began to tell him of my place on the river, told him about Matthew and how Matthew seemed to finally be finding his own way. Taylor listened till I stopped talking then pulled me closer, 'You think you can find happiness in Portland?"  Happiness?  I had not used that word but knew it was ultimately what we each sought. I wondered if I could. 'I hope so' I replied looking down at the sidewalk afraid Taylor could see some doubt on my face. 'I think you can' he had replied as he led me back to the bus stop. We sat on the bench watching cars pass, watched the people move along the sidewalk and even a lone bicyclist, his lights flashing as he pedaled by. 'I have the weekend off. Why don't I come over to your side of town on Friday night and we can do dinner...maybe even a movie' Taylor said as we saw my bus turn the corner and approach the stop.  I told him how I would like that and he confessed to knowing I'd be more relaxed in a familiar place.

"Of course Chris and Jason had to be at the apartment when Taylor arrived, making a fuss over him and how it was nice to see us hitting it off. I didn't know how to respond and knew I had to have a panicked look on my face at times.  When Taylor looked over and winked, smiling at the way Chris and Jason were carrying on I knew he thought it a bit much as well.  I led Taylor down the four blocks to a restaurant we frequently went to when Chris didn't want to cook. Jason nor I could cook, usually making a big mess and forgetting some ingredient that made what we had tried to prepare unpalatable.

"This second date was nice. I felt more at ease with Taylor. Just the fact he wanted to go out with me again was something. We had talked about going to a movie but when we had finished our dinner and back on the sidewalk Taylor asked if Chris and Jason would be home. 'No, they were meeting friends for dinner then going out for drinks at some new bar' I replied. Taylor smiled at my response and taking my arm told me let's go, we could watch a movie at your place.

"Thinking back on it I'm not sure we even turned on the television. I poured each of us two fingers of bourbon and we sat on the sofa talking till our glasses were empty. When Taylor sat his glass down he didn't fall back into place where he had been sitting but leaned toward me and I hesitated at first but I quickly found myself moving toward him. We kissed for what seemed like a long time. Just the two of  us on the sofa, gentle touches and caresses, hands moving over the other. I couldn't stand it any longer, this first real contact with another in such a long time and I pushed him away so I could look at him, see his response when I asked him if he would come to my room.

"I found myself once again nervous, unsure of myself. I felt my rural roots and knew some in the city considered us ignorant and backward and at times I felt that way.  I led the way and stood by my bed unsure what to do, unsure of the pace I should set. Before I could turn around Taylor took me by the upper arms, holding me gently as he moved up close kissing my neck, ear and down to the area just above the collar of my shirt. It felt good, this touch by another man and when he guided me to turn I moved slowly within his arms till I was facing him. 'You seem so nervous...don't be' he whispered as he began to unbutton my shirt, one button at a time, graceful in his movements, taking his time with each button and I stood there, submissive, feeling as if I were opening up to him as my shirt fell open more and more. He slid the shirt from my shoulders and I felt the exposure of my upper torso, the way the very air moved over my skin. 'You're so attractive' he uttered, his voice barely above a whisper as he moved to me again, lips touching my own, his hands moving over my skin. Every touch was warm, soft, arousing and I kissed back urgently, pressed my body against Taylor suddenly alive within his arms. Taylor moved back and I began to unbutton his shirt as he had done, slowly, carefully, each one that slipped free revealing more and more of his chest. When the shirt finally fell open I leaned forward kissing that small hollow place at the base of his neck as I pushed the shirt off of his shoulders. It had never felt so erotic, this simple undressing of another. He reached for my jeans, slipped the button free and eased the zipper down as he kissed my neck and tongued my ear. I had my arms around his neck as I felt my jeans open up, felt the way my expanding cock had room to push out and Taylor's fingers moving over it, feeling along its length. I let a small cry escape my throat as Taylor manipulated my cock his fingers finding the head and working around it. When his hand left my cock my jeans fell downward. Taylor was pushing them down. When they collapsed around my ankles he pushed me back gently till I sat on the bed. He stooped down in front of me, kissed one knee then worked each of my shoes off, followed by each sock. He tugged my jeans down and off till I sat in only my boxers. He eased up on his knees between my legs and kissed me as his hands moved up each thigh till they could take the waistband of my boxers. I raised up letting him slip them down my legs till he could remove them from each foot. I felt the soft denim of his jeans against my legs and his bare torso in my arms as we kissed.

"When he finally pulled back and stood between my legs I pushed his hands away and began to undo his jeans, worked frantically to get them undone and as I worked them down his legs he kicked off his shoes and helped. He stood in front of me in boxer briefs, the whiteness of them nearly glowing in the dim light of the room and I could see how aroused he was, how confining they were for him and I reached out and slipped them down freeing his cock. It rose up erect before me, the head flared out, shiny with its wetness. I leaned forward and took it, let it slide into my mouth. I loved the way it filled my mouth. The way it lay over my tongue and pushed to the back of my throat and I moved back letting it drag over my tongue. I worked my mouth over Taylor, pushing forward and pulling back, letting every inch slip though my lips till it was glistening with my efforts.

"Taylor pulled back telling me to stop. 'Please stop' he begged as he stood back with his cock bobbing up and down between us. He moved down to me with a sudden sense of urgency, hands coming underneath my arm. 'Get up on the bed' he uttered and I moved up and lay back on my back. My own cock hovered over my stomach; I was so aroused.  Taylor moved up over me and I was surprised when he didn't move to fuck me. I just knew he would move between my legs and lift them to his shoulders but he didn't. He moved over me, straddled my waist and before I could adjust he was holding my cock up, his fingers felt hot on my cock. I wanted to push upward, wanted to make this happen faster but I knew to hold still, knew to let him lead the way. I watched as his body eased down, the muscles of his legs flexed tight with his movement. I felt him press down on the head of my cock, felt the way he bore down on it and I put my hands on his thighs fighting the urge to push down.

"When he loosened up, let my cock breach his hole I was holding my breath watching my cock slowly disappear into him. Inch after inch slipped through the tight ring of his opening and sank into his body till he was sitting on my hips. I took his cock, felt the hardness of it, the way it flexed in my hand as I pushed down its length. Taylor seemed to awake as if he had been in a trance and began to rise up, slowly, till I thought I would slip free of his hole then he moved downward, all the way till I was once again buried in him. He did it again and again, his pace increasing till he was moving up and down roughly, taking my cock, fucking himself on it. The bed squeaked and rocked noisily beneath us. I held his cock and let it pump in my fist as he moved on top of me. Up and down then a push forward with his hips. I didn't last long and was soon pushing upward crying out I was coming. I thrust upward as he dropped down, over and over, each ejaculation releasing a little more of me into Taylor. I felt his cock flex hard in my fist and then Taylor jerking back and forth as he sat on my cock. Then the hot spatter of cum on my face, neck and chest. I felt the first wad trickle down my cheek as I milked the last from his cock using it to slickly stroke him some more till he begged me to stop pushing my hand off of his cock. 'Fuck' he uttered as he eased down next to me.

"Suddenly I found him spooned up to my chest and I held him close feeling his breathing slow. The warmth of his body was comforting, this naked contact, skin against skin. I listened to him ease into sleep then my own consciousness faded as I too fell asleep.  Sometime in the night I stirred and realized I had rolled over and Taylor now spooned up to my back. It felt good to have someone with me in bed, the intimacy of it something I had not had in such a long time. I moved against him and he stirred in his sleep. Then I felt him move against me, felt his lips touch the back of my neck then a soft quiet whisper. 'You awake?' he asked and I replied 'yeah'. I became aware of his cock, the hard shaft pressed between my ass cheeks and I pushed back against it.

"Things happened with little conscious forethought till I was on my stomach and Taylor was over me, his cock sinking into my hole, slowly, inch by inch. I pushed upward urging him on. I moved underneath him, my body undulating with my desire, working up against Taylor's body till I felt him fall into a rhythm, his hips moving up and down pumping cock deeply into me. He bear hugged our bodies together as he pumped his hips and I savored the way he took me, held me in his arms as if afraid I'd flee if given a chance. Instead I begged him to fuck me, to fuck me harder. My own cock grew hard beneath me, the way Taylor thrust into me pushed my own hips down into the mattress each time. I felt his mouth on my ear, lips move over my neck and the side of my face with each hot exhale of breath hitting my skin. I pushed upward to meet his thrusts till he grunted in my ear, his hold on me tightened and I felt the way he shivered against me. I knew he was coming and he pumped roughly with his hips till he fell still, spent and exhausted. He was going to roll me over and I whispered 'later' and made him hold me till we both drifted off to sleep." I wanted to make this last, this feeling I toward him.


"It's been three weeks since the vandalism and things got fucking worse. Thomas lost his job after reaching a point he couldn't take their shit any longer. I told him they were just waiting for an excuse to fire him and tormented him till he gave them the excuse. He knew I was right but it didn't help for he said no one else in town seemed willing to hire him. And my job had become a nightmare and I knew they were trying to get me to quit and so many times I almost did it.  Maybe Thomas was right; we needed to move.  He seemed to be ready for anywhere but occasionally he would ask if Cotton had been serious. Would he really help us if we moved all the way to Portland? It was beginning to sound like a viable option.

"Any pretense of hiding our relationship went out the window in the last couple of weeks and Thomas moved in with me. Whenever I ask if he is okay with his decision his reply of 'fuck them' sliced through the air, sharp with his anger. I knew something had to be done.

"I called Cotton last night after Thomas went to bed. I'd put off calling him for I didn't know if I could tell him how bad things had gotten for us but when he answered, hearing his voice, it made me feel like I had done the right thing. 'I was going to call you tomorrow; why didn't you call me sooner and tell me how bad things had gotten?' was the first thing he said. It seemed his friend in town finally pieced together what was happening and had called him.  'I didn't know how to tell you and I don't know what to do about it' I replied suddenly honest with myself about the whole situation. 'Come to Portland you stubborn fuck. Pack your shit and come on out' he replied and his tone was as serious as I've ever heard him. He got me to agree to discuss it with Thomas, go through the process of seeing if I could sell off my furniture, old truck and boat to pull together as much money as possible. It frightened me to consider it but sitting in the dark listening to Cotton tell me how easy it was to make the journey once he started. That the hardest part was the first step I felt my fear and anger ease from me while he talked.

"I realized after nearly half an hour on the phone I had not asked how things were with him. It was a pleasant surprise to hear him tell me how he was seeing someone and I would meet him when I got to Portland. I knew he was baiting me, luring me to make the journey. When I hung up and went online and checked ticket prices to fly out I thought they were high but when I went to the train and bus fares I was shocked. I went back to the flights that would get us to Portland and when I saw how those booked in advance were cheaper I nearly booked the tickets. But I had to talk to Thomas first and would wait till morning to do so. When I finally crawled into bed and slipped in next to Thomas he shifted next to me without waking up. I considered how the conservation would go the next morning and knew, in the end, how he would respond. He'd pushed for us to leave ever since it happened. It was I who was hesitating but now I saw the logic of it, the lack of any more excuses not to go for we had someone waiting to help us."


"I told Taylor about my phone call with Matthew and he gave me a saddened look and at first I worried what it meant. 'I can't believe some areas are still so backward. What can I do to help' he finally replied. I felt a sense of relief knowing he was not only supportive but willing to help. We discussed what options might be available in the job market and those we knew who might could hire them. The bigger problem was finding a place they could afford when they arrived.

"When we left my bedroom and found Chris and Jason eating breakfast we sat down and told them the situation.  Taylor left for work and I was soon out the door as well. All day I dwelled on the issue, my mind wandering from one scenario to the next. By the time my shift was over I was as confused and worried as I could be after spending all day dwelling on it. I got back to the apartment and found Taylor already there, sitting at the dining table with Jason. Chris came out of the kitchen carrying a tray holding a pitcher and four glasses. 'Oh good, just in time' he said as he saw me come in. I knew the pitcher held either Long Island Iced Teas or Margaritas, either way I was ready for one. 'We have an idea on where to put them up' Jason said as I sat down.

                        "Yeah, and where is that?"

                        "Your room."


                        "Your room.  You stay at Taylor's and they take your room."

                        "At least until they can find their own place."

"I didn't know what to say. I was worried about basically moving into Taylor's place so suddenly, even if it was for only a short time but I felt Taylor's hand on my leg, the gentle squeeze he always gave me when he was telling me something was alright or there was nothing to worry about. It seemed my roommates and boyfriend had it all worked out. We talked about how Matthew and Thomas were flying for it had been cheaper, leaving in two days with just clothes and personal effects. Matthew had sold everything, his furniture, truck , boat, even things from his kitchen that would sell. They would arrive in Portland late at night and I knew how tired they would be. Tired from the flight and tired of the fight that drove them to come."


"We had been so exhausted and relieved to finally be on our way we just sat on the plane quietly, occasionally looking over at the other smiling weakly, me wondering if this had been the right idea. After about twenty minutes the fatigue of the last few weeks hit, all those sleepless nights, the asinine nature of it all and we each drifted off asleep. I woke to Thomas nudging me on the arm telling me we were about to land. I looked out the window at this strange landscape below us, this place so different from home and felt this anxiousness, a nervousness about the unknown. The plane touched down and we made our way up the gate and into the airport. We had checked our bags, the four we had being larger than allowed as carry-on. I texted Cotton to let him know we had arrived and made our way to baggage claim. When we came down the escalator there was Cotton with two other guys smiling up toward us. I nearly didn't recognize him. Gone were the ragged old jeans and t-shirts replaced by a nice gray shirt that fit his lean body like a glove and dark blue jeans. And his light blonde hair was neatly cut, shorter than I had ever seen it. I couldn't believe how fashionable he looked and I realized how similar in appearance to the other two guys he looked. Thomas leaned toward me giving me a little bump. We smiled at each other and stepped off the escalator as we came to the bottom.

"Cotton moved to me giving me a long tight hug. 'I've missed you Matthew' he whispered and I replied 'I've missed you too.'  When we parted he reached for Thomas hugging him as he told him how glad he was we were together and finally made it to Portland. When Cotton pulled back he introduced us to the other guys. On his left was Jason, one of his roommates and to his right was Taylor, his boyfriend. I couldn't help it, I sized him up, this man who finally brought Cotton out. He was a little shorter than Cotton but stockier, more muscular with wavy brown hair that gave him a boyish appearance, although I knew from previous conservations with Cotton Taylor was four years older.  When our bags finally arrived we grabbed them up and headed out. I heard Jason refer to Cotton as Joe and I had to remind myself how he had dropped the nickname. To everyone in Portland he was Joe or Joseph.

"I made my way next to Cotton getting his attention. 'I'm not sure I'll ever get use to calling you Joe...' He smiled at me nodding his head. 'Cotton just sounded so...' and I interrupted him finishing his sentence, 'back woods southern?' He laughed telling me yes.

"On the way into the city they explained their plans, how Thomas and I would take Joe's room and Joe would move in with Taylor. Jason told Thomas a friend of his knew someone who ran an auto repair shop if he was interested in something of that nature and then he told me they had a few things they were checking on but to give them a few days.  'Guys we do need to find something fast since we have very little money left' I interjected and Joe told me to relax, he had paid the rent on the apartment already and would pay it each month till we were on our feet.  Thomas asked excitedly about the repair shop for he really did prefer to work with his hands and working on cars, not just the tires, was something he wanted to do. I saw the worry he had had disappear from his face as he listened to the Jason describe the shop, how a gay friend of theirs owned it and was always looking for others to work in his shop.

"At the apartment we found Chris in the kitchen preparing a late night meal of eggs, bacon and toast and the six of us sat around the table eating and talking till nearly midnight. When it was time to turn in Joe and Taylor said their goodbyes and left, telling us they would be over the next day.  I watched them leave, going down the stairs together. The held hands as they crossed the parking lot going to Taylor's little sports car. It was so different seeing Joe like this, away from all that held him back and I had to smile saying it out loud, 'Joe and Taylor' just to hear how it sounded to my own ears. I understood why Joe dropped the nickname, why he went by his given name, and I'd use it from now on. It seemed appropriate in this different place. But to me he, when I think back to the way we were he would always be Cotton.

"When I finished in the bathroom and made it back to the bedroom I found Thomas standing at the window in just a towel. I moved up behind him wrapping my arms around his waist. 'This is so...wild' he whispered looking out at the city's skyline in the distance, some buildings lit up and others in dark relief to the night time sky. 'We should get to bed' I whispered in his ear and he smiled as he turned to me. 'But I'm not sleepy' he replied and I had to admit neither was I.

"We moved to the bed, Thomas slipping the towel off and tossing it over an arm chair. I lay up against Thomas feeling that sense of comfort from being secure in his arms. His more muscular body enveloping my own. As we kissed I moved my hand along his side, down across his waist till I was slipping it down between us taking his cock. It flexed in my hand as I manipulated it. 'What are you doing?' he whispered. 'Nothing' I replied back mischievously. I felt his hand move to my cock manipulating it through the boxers I had on. My cock grew erect and slipped through the fly where he wrapped his fingers around it stroking me to full erection. 'We shouldn't...' he began to say and I cut him off by kissing him. I knew we both worried about making any noise, about letting Chris and Jason hear us but there was this need for release, to let go in this new place. I knew we could be noisy when we fucked so I moved around on the bed, slipping my boxers off as I did so, till we were in a sixty-nine. I felt my cock quickly sink into Thomas' mouth causing me to moan.  The feel of his mouth on my cock fueled my arousal, made me want him even more and I took his cock sinking my mouth down the thick shaft as far as I could go. I worked up and down his shaft till it was slick from my manipulations. My own cock ached with its hardness as I continued to work my mouth on Thomas. I held his ass firmly holding him place as I moved up and down the shaft and worked my tongue over the head. I couldn't focus on what I was doing or to the sensations Thomas was giving me. I was lost to my sexual desires, this need to give him pleasure and feel it myself.  Thomas began to pump his hips, this body grew tense and I knew he was close. I pulled up till only the head was in mouth and I sucked on it hard. It flexed in my mouth, swelled up even thicker and blasted wad after wad into the back of my throat. The feel of his ejaculating cock in my mouth caused me to shove forward sinking my cock into Thomas' mouth as I too came.

"When finally spent I shifted back up next to Thomas where he spooned up behind me holding me in his arms. After a few minutes of the two of us lying there in the room that was not totally dark, the lights of the city slipping in around the blinds giving the room a faint illumination, Thomas snuggled up till his head was next to my own. 'I think everything is going to be alright' he whispered. I realized, after all the turmoil of the last few weeks, the stress of picking up and moving, he was right. 'Yes, everything is going to be alright.'



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