Confessions of a Transsexual

I've been confused most of my life. I theorize that people can't distinguish between right and wrong - not really. In other words, individuals don't dictate morals, norms, mores or laws to the society but rather the society dictates to the individual what those morals, norms, mores or laws will be within that society. That's why our judicial system works as well as it does, because once that precedent has been established we have that standard that once it's known - ignorance is no excuse for innocense.

Anyway, I've been off and on hormones most of my adult life. However, even going on the estrogen and the anti-androgens for most of that adult life I still became pretty beefy by the time I was 41 years old. I want to lose the weight. Right now, both my arms are about the size of my neck. Of course, with the American economy in the gutter I was lucky to get a job in security. Anyone can work security. The only thing I found annoying was that I had to cut my hair. My last job was driving a truck, so I was able to grow my hair long, pierce my ears, and go through quite a bit of hair removal. Of course, trying to stay in shape keeps my arms larger than I want and that's why I'm here - in Qatar - serving as a security officer in hopes to raise enough money to pay for my Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), finish my hair removal, lose the weight - especially in my arms, get those breast implants I've always dreamt of and resume my hormone treatments.

The time between writing this paragraph and the last paragraph has been about a year. I'm now back in the States. I've gotten my weight down. One, because I was in the desert and two because I stopped working out my upper body and just focused on my lower body - I can run like a gazelle. It's nice having nice, small, demure... perhaps even dainty arms. I've been living overseas for about a year, so I've been able to save a lot of money recently. I now have over $30,000 in the bank and I've paid off my car and paid off my Discover Card. 'YAY ME!' I exclaim to myself every morning as I look in the mirror. I also got my CompTIA certifications online while I was overseas. I got my A+ and my Network+ certifications. Hopefully, that'll be enough to get me a job working with computers rather than having to get a job in security again. Now just to look into the FFS.

It's a few weeks later and I'm flying to California to get my FFS done. I understand this is the doctor that pioneered much of these procedures. I can't wait! I'm giddy with excitement! I can't wait until 'Daddy' can see me. 'Daddy' was a big, black guy that I met on the Internet. Oh, perhaps I should explain - I'm a white male by birth, but I'm very much a Black Cock Slut (BCS) and can think of no better way to spend my time than pleasing my black master. Anyway, I had to say goodbye to 'Daddy' and go overseas because that's the only way I could save enough money to accomplish the transformation from man to woman. Of course, while on post in the desert I had this big nigger make me his bitch. He came up to me and asked, 'If you knew that it wouldn't get out, and stayed between you and the other guy, would you suck his cock?' I of course replied, 'Yes,' so he promptly whips out this monster cock, uncircumcized black... not chocolate, but BLACK cock! I fell to my knees and worshipped his cock. I started slowly at first, just kissing the head of his cock. I looked up and saw him glaring at me menacingly. I became afraid because I thought he was about to slap me or hit me so I quickly inhaled the head of his cock. With his engorged cock in my mouth I looked up to find him not even looking at me but at the ceiling. As I sucked his cock he'd grunt and groan. From time to time I'd catch eye contact with him, but if I slowed down his face would quickly harden and arousal was quickly replaced by fear so to avoid his wrath I quickly resumed my duties of sucking his cock. Looking at the ceiling, he blindly reached out and put his hand on my head and guided my head to inhale even more of his pungent cock. The stench was almost unbearable but I inhaled more of his throbbing cock into my mouth. I could hear him groan as my lips rode the length of his massive staff. I tasted a bit of his precum as it shot into my mouth and I attempted not to swallow it, but I think I eventually swallowed most of it. I firmly held the base of his throbbing cock as I rythmically stroked his cock with my mouth. Suddenly his hand firmly grabs the back of my head and pulls me onto his massive meat. I struggle not to gag as I feel a gush of hot, thick jism shoot down my throat. I immediately flail about and push against his legs, but he's holding my head firmly in place. I whimper loudly and incessantly as I struggle for breath. After about the third or fourth explosion into my mouth he relaxes and releases his hold on me. I slump over as I struggle to catch my breath. Panting, I struggle for breath and I release a cough or two as I try to dislodge some of his cum in my throat. He begins to chuckle, 'You're my bitch now.' Sadly, I knew he was right.

After that night I must have serviced him at least four or five dozen times. Each time just like the time before. That same pungent smell. 'Was he using me to wash his cock?' I once thought to myself. He loved fucking my face. He also loved dominating me. He loved knowing that he could fuck my face and force me to eat his cum and the fact I never complained about it. He loved knowing I was a slave to my desires. I just wanted him to cum - period. I just wanted to know that I pleased him. Hearing his grunts as he exploded into my gaping maw satisfied me to no end, and he knew it. He also told one of his buddies but I only serviced his friend that one night and that night I took him up my ass. He'd instructed me to get on all fours and I promptly obliged him after his ordered me to strip. He and his flatmate were the only two in that flat so I was on his sofa when I took to all fours. His friend stood in front of me and whipped out his black cock. His friend was nothing impressive, but I turned to look at my Master and he just points and says, 'Go on!' I begin sucking his friend's cock and it was at that time I discovered why he had me strip. I suddenly feel the pressure of the head of his cock against my anus. I push back and regretted doing so because all of a sudden with a large push he penetrates me and a sharp pain shoots through my body. I almost bit his friend's cock is was such a sharp pain. As he begins rocking back and forth the pain begins to subside. His friend cums rather quickly in my mouth and I swallow his cum, but he just stands there watching me get fucked in the ass by this big nigger. He makes a few snide comments about seeing a brother fuck a white man and how he never knew how arousing it would be. By this time he has his hands around my waist and he's drilling me. I coo and moan as he really goes to town fucking me hard. The guy in front of me just starts saying over and over, 'Yeah dawg, give it to the man! Stick it to 'em!' He must've said the same thing a hundred times. I was really, really sore now. I was just ready for this to end when Master howls. Yeah, I mean howls like a dog and then grunts as he thrusts deep inside me and I feel a gush of warmth fill me. The two niggers celebrate slapping high-fives in the air and other dances and I think one even broke out into song. I really don't remember, because after he let go of my waist, I collapsed. I was exhausted. His friend insulted me again and again and finally spat on me. That's when Master finally spoke up and told his friend to leave. After showing his friend out, he came back and apologized to me. All I could muster to say was, 'That's okay.' Most of the time I'd go to his flat still, but every now and then he'd come to my room. I don't know if my flatmates ever figured out what this guy was coming by for, but I really don't care right now.

Okay, it's been two months since I got my FFS surgery and much of the swelling has gone down. In fact, you can hardly tell that I had surgery - well, other than the fact that the face looking back at me in the mirror is a gorgeous babe! 'Oh my fucking God!' I'm such a babe! Would he recognize me? I also got a trachial shave while in California so I don't even sound like myself either. See, I have been wanting to see what Corey's reaction would be too. Corey was another one of my masters who would fuck me, but he wouldn't kiss me because I looked too much like a guy. I haven't been able to get a hold of 'Daddy' yet although the last phone number I had for him I left a message or two for him on his voicemail. Corey is interested in seeing me tonight. I have like these DD breast forms that I'll be wearing tonight. Corey used to love those, because they feel so real. Wish me luck! I'll write about my date tonight when I get back!

What a beautiful morning! I wore a wig for him. I tight, little minidress that is low-cut. Corey complimented me no less than seven times! He was REALLY pleased with what he saw... and guess what?!?! HE KISSED ME! That's a first! He'd never kissed me before, but then again my lips are fuller, my chin, nose and brow are smaller and my cheek bones more pronounced... in fact, my eyes even look different... like cat's eyes. 'Thanks, Doc!' I love you, Doctor namegoeshere. I drove to Orangeburg, South Carolina and picked him up. He gave me directions - 'turn here... left here,' etc. He caressed my silky thighs as we drove down the darkened roads of Orangeburg. He told me how much he missed me and how impressed he was with how I was looking. In fact, he couldn't take his eyes off me! He leaned in to kiss me and I'm not talking a peck on the cheek either, but a deep, wet kiss where he shoved his tongue down my throat. I personally find nothing more arousing than a sexy kiss so he had me.

We pulled into this dead-end road and he commences to kneading my breasts aggressively with his hands, kissing me passionately - inserting his tongue into my mouth and caressing my silky inner thigh while I give him a handjob. Corey is extremely well endowed. He may be short, but his cock is as big as my arm. I can barely wrap my fingers all the way around it. He signals that he's ready to enter me by slowly working his hand under my minidress and brushes his fingertips against my satin panties. Then he goes still even higher and hooks my panties with his finger and gives it a quick tug. I coo. I quickly pull my pink, satin panties off and straddle him... lowering myself onto his waiting cock. His cock stands erect and I have to go pretty high above his lap to clear it. I slowly lower myself down onto his massive, erect penis. It is an ebony weapon just waiting to impale me. He gazes up at me in anticipation. I can see it in his eyes - he really wants me. I bite my bottom lip as I feel the head push against my quivering ass. I gyrate my hips a bit and feel him push against me. I gasp as I feel him penetrate me. Slowly he works that behemoth inside of me. I whimper in his lap as he consoles me, 'Come on, Baby, almost there, ' he tells me. He shoves the final 3 inches deep inside me and all I can muster is a moan. Soon I'm bucking in his lap, taking that massive, black cock deep within me as I gyrate my hips and arch my back - squirming in his lap - while he's grappling my breasts, nibbling my ear, biting my neck or shoving his tongue down my throat. I was in heaven. I've never been fucked like that. He places his hands on my waist and assists me lower myself onto his throbbing cock and back up again... up and down, up and down. With every mighty thrust inside me he takes my breath. I struggle to keep breathing as he impales me again and again.

After 15 minutes of riding his massive cock he whispers,'I'm cumming, Baby.' I whisper back, 'Cum inside me, Baby, I want to have your baby.' He immediately grunts and I could feel the warm semen fill me up. I coo again and gyrate in his lap as he grunts and spasms underneath me. I know he was well pleased with my looks too because years before I offered to get gangbanged by him and his friends and finally tonight he said, 'Hey, I want to introduce you to a friend.' I was like, 'What?' And he had to remind me, 'Remember when you offered to take me and one of my homeboys at the same time?' he asked. 'Well, I got a friend who'd love to meet you.' I was so pleased. I couldn't contain my smile. I, of course said, 'Sure.'

It's been four days since Corey fucked my brains out and I finally heard back from 'Daddy.' He asked if he could come by and I promptly agreed telling him, 'Daddy, I've missed you so!' He replied that he could wait to see me again too. As soon as I hang up, I'm darting around the apartment trying to get ready. As I bathe, I eagerly shave every square inch of my body. I paint my fingernails a pastel pink. I pick a lipstick that is a firey red. I pick out a strippers outfit that looks like a schoolgirl's plaid miniskirt, a top that is transparent white and ties in the front so it covers my breastforms but just barely. I use an adhesive on my breastforms which enables me to wear just the top without a bra. However, in order to wear these white, nylon thigh-high leg warmers that I wanted to wear for Daddy, I wore some black open-toed stillettos. My hair still isn't long enough for my liking so I grab a blond wig and style it into pigtails. I doll myself up with a little blush and mascara and eye liner but try not to overdo it since I'm going for the schoolgirl look. I decide rather than wear satin, white bikinis that I'd wear a satin, white thong because if there's one thing I do possess and that's a fat ass. I light some candles and dim the lights as I hear a cardoor shut outside. I hurriedly put on some music - a playlist that starts with Murs, Slob My Knob. There's a tap at the door so I swing the door open to find my neighobor, Mr. Williams, standing there. Mr. Williams is an older black man that has a real mean streak. He's really abrasive and snaps at everything I have to say. I smile. Mr. Williams, however, doesn't bite my head off, but actually smiles at me. 'Oh my God, Mr. Williams doesn't even recognize me. I then realize that he hasn't seen me since I got my FFS. I try to step forward and close the door but he steps forward also. Mr. Williams is like a foot taller than I am, so I take a step back. He pursues. I stammer and stutter as I keep backing up and he keeps advancing toward me. As soon as he clears the door and is standing inside my apartment he stops and closes the door behind himself. I stammer and attempt to find an excuse to get rid of him. 'You're new to the neighborhood?' I nod. 'What brings a single, white girl to a black neighborhood like this?' but I find it hard to answer. He pulls out a bag of white powder and some pills of various sizes and colors and hands it to me. 'Here,' he says, 'let's party.' I reach out and take the bag, but no sooner do I have it in my possession do I hear a knock at the door. I swing open the door and it's Daddy, so I exclaim, 'Daddy!' and hug Daddy. One hand stays on my waist but the other hand disappears under my miniskirt as he kisses me. Mr. Williams clears his throat. Daddy and I abruptly stop our reunion and I pretend not to know Mr. William's name saying, 'Daddy, may I introduce to you... ummmm... ummmm.' Mr. Williams quickly takes the hint because he hasn't even introduced himself and takes the time to do so. 'I'm Rodney Williams, a neighbor,' he says. 'Wow, talk about awkward,' I couldn't help thinking. He politely shows himself out but turns to me and then to where I tossed the bag full of pills he'd just handed me lying on the floor. 'Perhaps next time, young lady, 'he promises. He's old enough to be my father, but he still looks very masculine for his 60's.