Clearing the Air

He had to turn away, as he felt a lump in his throat. How the fuck can he answer that one, without sending Mike through the roof? If he admits that yeah, he does whack off, thinking of Mike, he'll be pissed even more than before. If he lies, well Mike knew him too well, for him to get away with it. Least at this moment he would know.

Still, he had kept his being Gay from him for awhile, but still, telling him that yeah, he liked to think of him, liked to imagine what it would be like to have him naked, touching him, him touching Mike, well, that would go over like a lead balloon.

How the fuck was he supposed to tell his best friend, that he used to go home, and close his eyes and think of him, while jerking his dick? How did he tell him that he used to wonder what it would be like to suck on his dick, or to feel it between his ass cheeks, just before it penetrated his hole? Not like Mike would understand, but then again, maybe he would?

Turning back, he saw how his eyes had softened, how his whole facial expression wasn't all twisted up in anger, or disgust, as it had been this morning. Instead he was looking, like, well, like he wanted to know, that in some strange way it mattered, but not in a bad way. He was feeling totally confused, because while he thought about how to answer him, he also felt excited by him. To smell him so close, to feel his warmth, as they sat there, stretched out under their tree.

It was like how he imagined it would be, how many times he would sit back on his bed, and think of the two of them out here, by the tree, how they would suddenly touch arms or legs, and then embrace each other. How it would feel to have Mike's lips pressed up against his, how his tongue would feel and taste, as it dove into his mouth.

He would think of how they would hold each other, how they would be undressing the other, lost in the moment of pure passion, ignoring the risks of being caught. How it would feel to have Mike's strong hand grip his hard dick, how it would feel for him to hold his. To just feel it throb between his fingers.

God, how many times he had imagined it all, and now he had to come clean, or did he? Looking at Mike, he wanted to, but he held back, uncertain what Mike would do.

'Well? Did you?'

'Does it really matter?'

'Yeah, it does.'

He took a deep breath, as he stared over at Mike. There wasn't any anger in his face, but that could quickly change. Mike was noted for being quick tempered, still there was something there, which made him feel a bit more relaxed. It wasn't love, but something like it, which he couldn't explain, or figure out.

'Truth? Yeah, I have, like I said, you are well, you're the type of guy I am attracted to.'

Mike just stared at him, and then turned away. Jeff could see he was thinking, see how his jaw moved as he thought about he had just been told. He wasn't stupid, he had to have known, the second Jeff had told him he was Gay, but it was finally sinking in. Yet, his face didn't get all twisted, or change color. It was odd, watching him think about it, and he couldn't help but take a quick glance down at his crotch, to notice it wasn't exactly flat.

It was strange, to think that somehow, in some secret way, that maybe it turned Mike on? Now he had never seen him totally hard, never seen him really naked, but he had imagined how it would look, but that was as far as it ever went. In some twisted way, it was all rather exciting, as he tried to focus, to keep his mind alert. You just never knew, and that last thing he wanted was another angry confrontation with Mike.

Course he had to admit, it was partially how little he had seen, that made him horny too. The lack of anything clear, to dream about, to imagine, made it seem all the more exciting, least at times. Sure, sometimes he wished he could know more, like just how big did Mike's dick get, or how big were his balls. He had seen his ass, well in underwear, but he had a good idea of how they would look. Just not his dick or his crotch. Did he have lots of pubic hairs; were they a different color than the rest of his hair?

It was the things dreams were made of, and if he was honest, he had many of those kinds of dreams. He just didn't know how to explain them, without getting a fist in the face. Least not then, but as he waited for Mike to come to a decision, he didn't feel like today would be like that. The whole forbidden fruit stuff, had certainly made his dreams of Mike fulfilling, but if he ever did have a chance at the real thing, would it be a let down? Would having Mike be as he had dreamed it would be, or would it maybe be more than that, or less?

'Remember when we were out here, few days before your last birthday?'

'Yeah, what about it?'

'When I told you I didn't have much cash that we wouldn't be able to go bar hopping, just maybe share some beer, you were going to say something but didn't.'

'So?'

'What were you going to say?'

Jeff felt his heart stop, because he remembered that day perfectly. He had almost spilled it then, but hadn't. How could he tell him that what he wanted was to suck his best friend off? To undress him, and just enjoy looking at his naked body? Like that would have gone over real good, like it would now.

'Come on Mike, that was ages ago, I don't know, nothing, I mean, you got me that card, we had some drinks, that was enough.'

'Seriously Jeff, that isn't what you wanted, was it?'

'Sure it was.'

'You are lying, just as you did then, you uh; you were going to tell me then, weren't you? About you being Gay.'

'Sort of, I guess.'

'Sort of? So, what were you going to ask? I really need to know, was it, was it something, uh, well you know, about how you feel about me?'

'Huh? What, I mean, I uh'

'Why can't you trust me Jeff?'

'I trust you. What the fuck, I mean I just told you I was gay. Not like I have told anyone else, or taken out some ad in the paper.'

'Then tell me, what did you want? Tell me the truth.'

'Why?'

'Because we are supposed to be friends, no secrets, remember? We made that pact, when we first met, so did you mean it?'

'Yes'

'Then tell me, what you really wanted to say, I have to know.'

'So you can tell me to fuck off? Why should I make it easy for you?'

Mike turned away, and then he stood up, turning to stare down at Jeff. His eyes were sparkling, with anger. His whole face seem twisted, but Jeff also noticed that there were tears near the corners. It was all strange, as he looked up, as Mike stared back at him.

'I can handle a lot of shit, maybe not at first, but I think I can work things out. Maybe I did go off this morning, because you just sort of laid it all on me, but I can handle you being Gay, I can handle you thinking of me that way. What I can't handle is you not trusting me, or thinking I will suddenly hate you for being you. Fuck Jeff, I thought we were better friends than that, guess I was wrong.'

Jeff watched as Mike turned to leave, and he felt that lump in his throat, as he hollered out for him to wait. He never realized just how much Mike did care for him, as a friend, or him for Mike. Christ, what a mess, as he saw how Mike's shoulders were so rigid, how his whole body seemed to be stiff, as he stood there, his back to Jeff.

He felt the pain in his chest, as he realized just how much he liked Mike, how much he valued his friendship. It wasn't just that he was good looking, or his type. He liked Mike for who he was, for the guy who would stand up for others, like he had that time for Henry. It wasn't that he had a nice build, but that he was someone you could count on.

It made him feel ashamed, because it wasn't that he was Gay, that had gotten Mike pissed, it was that he hadn't trusted Mike with the truth. A tear trickled down his face as he stared at Mike's stiff back, knowing that Mike's anger was Jeff's fault.

'I wanted to, shit Mike, I wanted to tell you, to tell you how I wanted suck you off, to see you naked, to see and touch your naked body, okay? There, I said it, and I know I shouldn't have thought that way, but it isn't, it isn't just because you are my type.'

'No? What then?'

'It is because, well it is you. I guess, I just wanted to be closer, to share with you, how I really felt, even though I know that isn't the kind of sex you are into. I didn't know how to say it, still don't.'

Mike turned around to look down at Jeff. There was no mistaking that he was angry, but it didn't seem like it was because of what he had wanted to ask him. His jaw was moving, the teeth grinding, as he stared down at him, until Jeff lowered his head, no longer able to look at his friend.

'Why if it wasn't about the sex?'

'Why? I guess to be as close as two people can be, I don't know, to connect in all ways, or something like that. I am not sure if I can explain it Mike, it is a feeling, a sort of need that is beyond just sex.'

Jeff glanced upwards, seeing Mike's face, feeling his presence in a way he had never really felt before. It was odd, to lay there, stretched out, while Mike seemed to tower over him. He watched his eyes, as they stared down at him, as they seemed to move up and then down his stretched out body. He couldn't help but feel, rather excited, yet nervous at the same time.

'If it wasn't about the sex, why couldn't you tell me that? Why didn't you trust me to tell me the truth?'

He felt the panic, as he realized just how much he had hurt Mike. It hadn't been his intention, not then, sure as hell not now, but how can he explain it? How can he make him understand, it wasn't about trust, but about fear?

'It isn't about trust, shit Mike, if I had told you, what would you have done?'

'Freaked I guess.'

'Yeah, exactly, just like this morning, so can you blame me for not saying anything?'

'Guess not, but it didn't stop you this morning.'

'I know, just that, well, since then I couldn't get it out of my mind, it's bugged me ever since, and well, I guess, I finally got the nerve up.'

'And I freaked.'

'Yeah'

'I just, I mean I don't get it Jeff, I thought I knew you, but that just came out of left field, I guess I should have expected it, or something. I just, well it took me by total surprise.'

'I am sorry.'

'Yeah, me too, so uh, now what?'

Jeff just stared upwards. He could see the body relax, see Mike look less angry, less on edge. He also couldn't help but notice, that bulge hadn't gotten any smaller either. That was weird, as he glanced back up, at Mike's eyes. He really did want to ask him, to dare it all, but he wasn't sure or comfortable enough. Yet as he looked at his friend, he couldn't help but feel that if it was to ever happen, this was when it would.

He wanted to yell it out, to tell him yes, he wanted to see, to know if his imagination had been right, or what. He wanted to reach out, to touch him, to feel his warm flesh under his fingers, not just in passing, but to let them linger, to let them move and absorb it all. To feel the blood flowing beneath his skin, to feel the muscles as they shifted and moved beneath his touch.

And yet his mouth felt like it had glue between the lips. He wanted to scream it out, but felt like his voice had suddenly been taken away from him. He could feel his chest heaving, feel his lungs ache, as he tried to work up the nerve, to speak up, but he couldn't. His eyes were desperate to see, but he found them glancing everywhere but where he wanted them to look.

Jeff could feel the sweat beading up all over, across his forehead, under his arms, between his crotch. He felt sticky, as his pores seemed to be like a dam that had burst, the way the sweat just poured out from them.

The sound of the pop was like a gun going off. His head swivelled immediately towards the source of the sound. His eyes opened wide, as his heart skipped several beats. He could feel his pulse racing, as he saw the source of the noise, saw the look on Mike's face. It wasn't a happy look, but it wasn't an angry one or a disgusted one.

Jeff stared at the open jeans, at the way the zipper was still mostly up, at how he could see the white band of Mike's underwear, at how he could see that he was wearing a blue colored paid of shorts. His eyes were bulging, as they just looked, realizing that Mike was going to give him what he had wanted, that his dream was going to happen.

Yet even as he realized it, he felt like something wasn't right. His eyes tore themselves away, as they looked up, to see how Mike had his lips so tightly closed, at how his eyes were misty looking.

'Mike'

'It will make us closer, right?'

'I think, Mike, we are close, you don't have to do this.'

'Yes, I do.'

'Why? Look, this isn't what I, I mean yes I want to touch you, to feel you, but that is me.'

'I want to Jeff, I need to have your friendship, to know you will always have my back, it is what, well it is what got me through all that shit with my Mom, if this gives me that, well, I can deal with it.'

'You don't have to Mike. I'll always have your back, with or without touching you or'

'No, no you need to know you can trust me, just as I need to know, so if this, if this helps us both, then we need to do it, just that, well, I am not sure what to do, you have to help me, tell me what you uh, what you need.'

He could see how determined Mike was, and he could feel the excitement inside too. It was like, he wanted to stop him, yet at the same time hurry him up. It was strange, but as he stared at Mike, saw how his arm trembled as he reached down to push the zipper further down, he knew he couldn't stop him.

It was unreal, to be laying there, watching Mike unzip his pants, and push them apart, then down his legs. His eyes couldn't stop staring at him. How his legs were so stiff, how the tiny hairs were standing up on end, as the pants were shoved down to his ankles. He saw the socks digging into the flesh, as his eyes slowly moved back upwards, to stare at the bulging package.

Mike had his blue jockey shorts on, and there was no mistaking how thick that basket looked. His eyes were smarting, as he stared intently at the bulge, seeing the tubed shape of his friend's cock. It was a sight he hadn't seen, as he was fairly certain that the cock was nearly fully erect.

There had been moments when he had seen Mike like this, in just his shorts, but nothing as detailed as this. Nor for as long, as he licked his lips, to just stare at him. He could see the rough darker skin of his sac, pushing out of the thin edge of the leg openings of the blue shorts.

Jeff felt himself growing harder, as he leaned forwards. His hands were firmly planted on either side, as he leaned upwards, just staring. It was more than he had thought possible, but it wasn't like anything in his dreams. He could see the tube shaped shaft jerk, as Mike stood there, his eyes watching Jeff.

Their eyes met, and he saw the hesitation, saw the uncertainty mirrored in them, as he tried to reassure him, tried to let him know that it was okay. He saw how his lower lip trembled, as he glanced down at his nearly nude lower body, as his hands rested at his sides, trembling.

The muscles in the legs were quivering too, as Jeff looked at him, as he felt the tightening in his own groin. He could feel the dull ache inside, the way his buttocks was clenching and unclenching. It wasn't like anything he had experienced before, not even with the few guys he had been with. This was a thousand times more intense, more thrilling.

His body shook, as he watched Mike's hands move up, to grab hold of the waistband. He could see the fingers tremble, as they took hold. Jeff's eyes moved quickly up, then back down to the sight unfolding before him. He couldn't help himself, but he could feel his own excitement, feel his own hand move up and push his throbbing cock to one side.

God, how he wanted to reach into his own pants, to take hold of his own throbbing pole, while watching Mike. He felt like he was on the edge of a cliff, staring down at the huge opening, unable to see the bottom from such a great height. At the same time, he felt a deep sense of awe, at just how much Mike cared for him, how much he cared for Mike.

They had been through a lot in their friendship, but it never really hit home, as it did now, at how much he relied on Mike, or Mike on him. What had been just casual talks, about just being together at important times, seemed to suddenly mean much more now. It was like the idea of sex wasn't about getting off, as he felt his cock jerk inside his pants, but was about sharing something much more.

He watched the shorts flutter, watched as the waist band began to slide downwards. His mouth was bone dry, as he just watched them pushed down. The sudden plop, the sudden springing of freedom for Mike's cock made him jerk backwards, as he stared at him.

Jeff remembered that one time when he had seen Mike taking a piss. How different it looked then, to now. How thicker it was, how much longer it was too. Then it had been totally soft, now it looked like it was a giant spear, aimed right at him.

How huge it looked, and how hot it seemed. For a moment, he thought he could see steam coming from it, knowing it was his imagination. He saw the head, thick and fiery, as it stared at him. There was no winking eye, as he had always read about. It didn't really surprise him, but then the thickness, the hardness, did.

Jeff breathed in deeply, smelling that scent that always drove him wild. He knew it was no different than the scent of the other guys, yet it felt totally different. It made him feel totally different, which he couldn't explain, nor did he want to. Without even realizing it, he found himself on his knees, closer to where Mike was standing.

He felt the warmth, felt the fear too. His eyes stared at the nearly fully erect penis, and then his eyes moved upwards. The pubic hairs were darker, yet they too seemed to be staring back at him, just as Mike's cock was. Upwards his eyes moved, to see the rolling muscles of his friend's belly, to see them rolling beneath the golden skin of his belly.

Up his eyes moved, to see the rippling muscles of his chest, to see how Mike was panting, just as he was. He could see the firm nipples on either breast, the deep dark maroon red of the skin just around them. How hot they looked, how sensual they seemed, as his eyes moved further up.

Mike's Adam's apple was bopping up and down, as his eyes saw the way the skin was taut, bit whiter than the rest of him, as he continued to glance upwards. Tiny little hairs dotted his chin, the peach fuzz that dotted their young faces, his as well. He could see the pores; see the tiny beads of sweat too, as he finally looked up into Mike's eyes.

'Mike'

'It's okay Jeff, I want you to.'

Mike took a step closer, a small shuffle, as Jeff leaned backwards a bit, then watched as his hand seemed to reach out towards Mike's leg. He dropped his eyes, to watch how his hand had come alive, on its own. The way his long tapered fingers seemed to just stretch out, without any direction from his mind.

It was almost like they had a mind of their own, as they shook, as they got closer. He could feel Mike's warmth now, as his fingers shook, and then touched the leg, just above Mike's knee.

God, how it made his whole body suddenly quiver. It was like a huge shot of electricity had just been shot into his body. The way his eyes fluttered, the way his heart stuttered, then roared. His chest heaved, ached too, as the jolt went up and down his whole body several times.

He felt his cock jerk in his pants, as the fingers had pulled back, but were once more reaching for Mike. He didn't dare look up, as he let the tips touch again, as once more the jolt came, but this time he held on.

Jeff could feel his legs shaking, even as they rested on the ground. He felt the electricity inside, as his fingers moved up the leg, lightly touching the light hairs, which wavered under his soft caress. He felt the ache in his heart, as his fingers moved upward, across the thigh muscles that quivered to his touch.

It was like opening a door onto a beautiful sunny day. He could see things much clearer, more vibrant, than through the glass window. Yet at the same time, he felt more too, as his hand moved lightly over Mike's thigh. It was almost as if they were connected, beyond just a friendship. He felt overwhelmed by the emotions insides, as he managed to lift his head up.

He was looking into Mike's eyes, again. He couldn't help but feel rather amazed, at how he could see so much, feel so much, in such a short time. He could feel a closer attraction to Mike, even though they hadn't done anything. He had just touched his bare skin, but this was different than anything else.

It wasn't a casual contact, or a quick feel. They had slept in the same bed, and he had leaned against him many times, but nothing felt like it did now. He couldn't explain it, but his heart was throbbing, his head ached, as he thought about Mike, about how he had always been there for him. He felt Mike's feelings too, trusting him, caring for him, in a way that was different than he had ever realized.

Like a switch being turned on, he felt it all; in parts of his body he had never connected with before. It wasn't like how he had felt when undressing in front of another guy, or watching another undress. This was totally different, much more intense.

Yet as his fingers moved across, he felt the hesitation too. Jeff could feel the way the muscles contracted, feel how they shook, as his fingers moved lightly across the hot flesh. He felt the sweat too, as his fingers moved on their own, as his eyes watched them trace across the flesh, moving towards that dark patch of wiry hairs.

His fingers moved across, and he could feel the skin beneath shake, feel them quiver. His heart was pounding in his chest, which he was certain would burst. Jeff could hear each beat of his heart, despite its rapid pounding. He could even hear Mike's heart too, hear the catch in his throat, as his finger moved across the groin, the hairs swaying to the passing of his fingers.

He felt it all, as the tip brushed past the base of the hard cock, felt how hot it was; hot much it seemed to be throbbing. It was like listening to an idle race car, feeling the motor ticking over, feel how it was waiting to be set free. His mouth hurt, as Jeff realized he was biting his lips, as he let his finger move towards the hard cock.

The tip of one finger rested by the base, and he sighed, as he stared at the thick pole. He could see every vein, memorizing the details, as he let the one tip lightly move over it, barely touching the burning flesh. He felt the fire, felt the way it moved as he followed one thick vein all across the pole, till his finger was up by the cock head itself. He could see it winking now, see that his touch had a real effect on his friend.

His eyes looked up, but Mike's were glazed over, as he stood there, holding his breath while Jeff touched him. It was eerie, to see his lips so tightly together, to see his eyes narrowed, his nostrils flaring, as Jeff's finger moved along his throbbing pole.

There were no other sounds. The wind was muted, the rustle of it passing through the trees off in a far off distance, yet he could hear each sigh, each sucking in of air, from them both. He could hear the beat of their hearts, as his finger moved around the ridge of the head, then slowly across the head itself.

Jeff could feel the cock shake, feel it tremble, as his finger moved along the rough skin, moistened by the sweat, but its natural oils. He felt its power, felt it quake as the finger moved closer to the centre, to the small drop of oozing pre cum that was staring at him.

How it looked, so thick, so full. The way it seemed to tease him too, as it pushed forward, then retreated back into the tiny hole it had come from. He could see the ridges of the skin, the tiny dots that made up the skin of the head, as he let the finger moved across. The touch of his own skin, with the liquid made him quiver. He felt his whole body shaking, as his eyes quickly stared up, to see the last of a tremor pass across Mike's face.

It was all real, as he let his mind absorb it all, to store it for later. He couldn't believe it was happening, despite the way his body felt. Nothing seemed real, as he took the drop of precum off with his finger tip, and then moved it towards his mouth. His body was aching, as he could smell the man scent, that aroma of a man fully aroused, permeate his whole body.

The tongue licked out as he tasted the offering from Mike's cock. He could taste it, the saltiness of it, as he let the precum roll around inside his mouth, then be swallowed. He felt his body shiver, as it slid down his throat, as his eyes rolled back in his head, then open wide to look up into Mike's eyes.

He could see how unsteady he was, as he just looked up at him, seeing his reaction to it all. Jeff didn't need to ask, as he could feel Mike, feel his heart, his thoughts, as his hands reached out, to grab hold of Mike's thighs, on either side. The moment he touched the legs, the second his fingers dug into the flesh to take hold, he heard the soft whimper, the soft moan.

He felt his own body shaking, quivering as he let his finger run under the hard cock shaft. Jeff could feel Mike's blood pulsing through the veins. Jeff could feel his excitement, his nervousness, as he let the finger move under, to caress the full balls. It felt unlike anything else he had ever touched, more alive, more real, than he had ever imagined. It was more arousing, than when he had touched other guys, when he felt Mike's hands on his shoulders.

Jeff could feel the fingers taking hold, and then with a sense of surprise, he felt Mike pushing him back, pushing him away. He struggled for a moment, and then looked up. He saw the twisted look, the changing look on his friend's face.

'I can't Jeff, not here, not this way, I can't stop, you have to stop.'