Beefy Billy

by Paul Lantoro

12 Dec 2016 12259 readers Score 8.7 (144 votes) PDF Mobi ePub Txt


Hi there.  My name’s Garrett.  I’m a freshman at Tufts, just outside Boston.  I’m gay. I didn’t really start acting on it until I got here, but let’s just say I made up for lost time, these past several months.  I guess I should tell you about the list.  Okay, so… please don’t go thinking I’m a total freak, but I get a little obsessive about things sometimes and… I keep a list.  I have had sex with 34 guys since the start of school year!  Mostly other boys here at college, but a few older dudes too.

It’s interesting now to look back at the list and try to remember each one.  I wrote down their names (some I don’t actually know their names, ha ha) and where we were, and what kind of sexual activity went on.  Some are already fading away in my mind, but others were quite hot and I still remember them in detail. 

And I’m glad I kept that list, for memories, because things are changing now.  I have had sex with the same boy (Billy) for five times in a row and IT IS SO GOOD.  So the list might be stopping at 34, for now, and hopefully for a long time if I am lucky.

Billy is actually boy #32 on the list.  I had hookup-type sex two more times after my first time with Billy, but it just didn’t compare. I was feeling so strong for Billy, that I stopped hooking up or even wanting to.  When you have that real desire for the person, like maybe you’re even falling in love, it is on a different level.  Like comparing fresh-grilled steak to a fast food cheeseburger.  Or something.  LOL, now I’m hungry again. I’m going to drink another protein shake while I tell you this.

I am trying so fucking hard to gain muscle.  It’s one of my other obsessions, besides Billy.  I have a tall skinny body type, like most of my family, and from the moment I first began to notice other guys and men, and feeling attraction, when I was only age 12 or 13, it was to the bigger stronger thicker bodies. The bodies I wished I could become, the ones that were so different from mine. 

I’m 6’2 inches tall (188 cm) and was only 155 pounds (70 kg) when I graduated high school half a year ago.  I am now up to 167 pounds and the gain is all muscle, it’s actually starting to look good. I still feel too skinny but the fact is, guys are starting to say flattering stuff when we hook up, when I take off my shirt, when we’re in bed together.  And having a big dick doesn’t hurt, ha ha.  For the first time in many years, I don’t feel like I should maybe apologize for my body.  It sounds stupid I know – like, it is a lucky thing to be alive and to have a young and healthy and normally working body in the first place, right? But there was a lot of stupid and weak-ass insecurity about this, inside me, all through high school.  It feels so great to be growing out of that and feeling a lot more confident.

Billy is in the same dorm as me, his room is two floors up from mine, on the 5th floor.  I first saw him a couple times in passing when we first moved in, and then up close when we had a fire alarm back in mid September.  It was a warm night, almost summer-like, when we all had to evacuate the building at 11pm on a Thursday. A bunch of us were all standing around on the sidewalk wanting for the BZZZT BZZZT BZZZT sound to stop; no smoke anywhere but the fire department was investigating.  Then I saw him again. The hot beefy dude, I had noticed him a few times before.  He was wearing a tank top and board shorts and flip-flops.  On instinct I moved away from my friends to get nearer to him.  He was standing alone in the crowd, under a streetlight.  His body looked so delicious to me.  Thick and strong and sensual.  Average height, a few inches shorter than me, and he just looked better and better the closer I got to him. I stood behind him and noticed the beautiful swirls of curly dark-blond hair, and the handsome angles of his face from the side, and his wide broad shoulders and perfect skin and thick back muscles, and what looked like a nice big round butt inside his board shorts.  Glancing down, I saw that even his calf muscles were unusually full, shapely, strong.

An intense rip of desire went through me and my dick started to get hard, as we all stood there out on the sidewalk at night during the fire alarm.  I couldn’t help it.  I just kept looking at this humpy beefy quiet boy with the curly golden hair, wanting him so bad, noticing all these details, how beautiful he is. 

When the alarm ceased and we started to move to go back into our dorm, I sort of got behind Billy (I didn’t know his name then) and went in behind him.  We walked up the stairs because there was a long wait for the elevators.  I didn’t get right up close behind him, there was another dude in between us, but when we got to my floor (3) I kept going, following him further up the stairs.  I was crushing so hard on him and I could not resist the urge to know which floor he lived on.  So I found out.  He’s on Floor 5.  In a room halfway down the hall.  I followed him from a distance and noticed which room.  I was definitely stalking this dude but I could not stop myself.  I made a vow then and there, I would really try to not do anything more stalker-ish than what I just did.  But I was hooked.  I wanted this boy so badly. I wanted to figure out a way to meet him and see what happens.

I didn’t see him again for a few weeks, and then in early October I saw him with another hot guy, in the campus gym.  The other guy was latin-looking, short in height, black hair, also a very muscular body.  The two of them were very close, in the way they worked out together, and I wondered if they were friends or boyfriends. I could not quite tell. I changed up my own workout to be nearer to them. And when I got near them, the latin-looking one caught my eye and his deep brown eyes gave me a very sexual look for several long seconds.  It happened again twice more, later on.  So I knew, okay, the latino one is definitely gay like me, but I still don’t know about my crush.  And then this pair of muscle-boys would be doing situps together on mats, their bodies so close, or on the bench press, the latin dude’s voice encouraging Billy softly, almost tenderly, as Billy strained to press the bar up each time. I couldn’t quite tell what the deal was.

Maybe I take after my Dad: he works in computer sales as a vice president, and as a sales guy he doesn’t crumble from first rejection.  He follows up a while later just to be sure.  That’s what I ended up doing.

In mid October, a week after seeing the two of them together in the gym, I saw Billy (I still didn’t know his name then) eating lunch with some people and I knew one of them, Kate.  She’s a girl in my Biology class, we had a mutual friend and had hung out a little and spoken a few times.  She’s cool, I like her.  So later on I asked Kate if we could talk, and I told her all about my crush.  “Oh wow. Yeah, that’s Billy….” And Kate told me what she knew about him.  Unlike me, who came here from California, Billy is local, grew up a few towns away from us at Tufts, right outside Boston, like Kate did.  And it turned out that yes Billy is gay, and the latino guy is maybe a boyfriend, she thought – she wasn’t sure.  But she offered to tell him that I’m into him and that I’d like to meet him. 

“What did he say?”  This was me pestering Kate a week later. 

“He said ‘probably not a good idea.’ But he said it was nice to be noticed.  I don’t know, that’s all I got.”  I thanked her anyway. 

Later that week I saw Billy at the campus bookstore.  I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to approach him directly but I already knew what he told Kate.  But I couldn’t stop myself from trying.  He looked so good in his sweater and jacket and jeans, with that broad handsome face and golden curls of hair.  And I remembered how sexy his body looks to me, from what I’ve seen of it.  So I tried.

“Hey.  I wanted to say hello.  I’m Garrett.”

Billy looked up into my face, and things immediately felt awkward.  “Hi” was all he said.  He didn’t offer his name.  I should have backed out but I stupidly kept going. “So I’m the guy who asked Kate to tell you I like you.  I mean, I don’t know you, but I think you’re, uh, okay never mind, I’ll stop. Anyway I just wanted to say hi.”  My heart was pounding in my chest.  My humpy dream boy is right here in front of my face and I babbled like a fucking idiot and I fucked it all up, I saw it in his eyes, he looked so uncomfortable.

He was silent for a moment.  “Thanks” was all he said.  Then, “I gotta go”, and off he went.

I felt like shit afterward. I asked my closest gay friend Jeremy what to do.  We hooked up back in September but somehow we slid into being really close friends afterward, non-sexual, with no problem.  He’s great.  Anyway Jeremy told me this:

 “I know it’s a cliché to say, but I really believe it. Living well is the best revenge. I don’t mean you want revenge in this case.  But just keep going, get your good attitude back, keep studying, keep working out, be your best and all that shit.  ‘Cause if he don’t want you, honey, somebody else will, and you want to be ready for that when it happens.” 

It sounded like good advice.  I took it, I applied it, I soldiered on with all my college freshman routines and all the things I should do or needed to do.  But in truth I was sort of depressed for a little while.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

December 7, 2016

“There’s something more, about that time in the bookstore.”  Billy murmurs this to me, softly, as we rest together in bed. 

It’s two weeks after Thanksgiving break, and Billy’s all snuggled in with me, warm and close.  There’s some intensity because we are so turned on by each other and winter break is coming, I’m about to fly home to California.  I’ve just fucked him good and he loved it so much. It’s our third time together and somehow this one feels deeper, stronger between us.  I paid my roommate $40 to be gone for the night, I have some money and he doesn’t, so this was a win-win as they say in business class, and I get to be with Billy all night long which is the best thing in the whole fucking world.

I am getting to know his body now, intimate, all over, and I love it even more than I thought I would.  There’s just a hint of softness to Billy, in the belly and all over, alongside all his thick strong muscle, and it makes him feel so natural and animal and cuddly and fucking sexy.  I can’t get enough of my boy.  I did not know I would feel this way about him, sexually.  I used to think the more muscle the better, but a month ago I hooked up with an actual bodybuilder and it was lousy.  Billy is so warm and sensual, his body fits to mine so perfect, and everything about him is just YES when we’re in bed and doing stuff. 

Billy already told me he struggles with shyness.  This made me fall for him even harder, because my god, somebody so beautiful feeling shy?  I don’t know why but it just made me want him even more. And he told me he used to be a bit overweight in high school, and so inside his mind he still thinks he’s this chubby kid. My god, I think, you are so fucking HOT just the way you are!  I tried to choose my words carefully, telling that I love his body just the way it is, all the thick beautiful muscle AND also those five extra pounds. It’s all good, and not just good, but perfect.  I love cuddling him so much it’s all I want to do!  I even love burying my face in his butt and licking it, tasting him in that most private way.  I never wanted to do that with anyone before, the way I want to with him.  I told Billy this, told him how much I’m turned on by everything about his body. And he said “naw… you’re the one with the great body” and his fingertips traced my slender hips and these long lean abdominal muscles that I worked so hard to gain. 

Funny the insecurities each one of us carries, inside.  Billy also thinks his dick is way too small, when it’s actually just a little on the small side but it’s stll average. I just happen to have a big long thick one, and he loves it and I love fucking him with it.  I don’t feel as proud of my dick as I do of the lean muscle I’ve been gaining – the dick was just how I’m made, I didn’t earn it.  But Billy loves it.  His ex the latin guy would sometimes put him down for liking to be the bottom in bed, and I hated to hear that when he told me about it.  “Not me”, I told him, “You sexy boy. I’m gonna treat you like a fuckin’ prince and I’m gonna be thankful every time I’m inside you.”  And I am.  I love hugging his warm thick strong body from behind, kissing his neck and stroking the beautiful pointy nipples on those big round chest muscles of his, as I fuck him deep and really make him feel it. 

Billy continues. “That time when you came up to me, in the bookstore, was a bad time.”  He’d already told me that his boyfriend had been cheating on him, and it turned out the boyfriend was cheating a lot.  So I figured it was about this.  I wasn’t surprised, I remember the way that boy stared with lust right into my eyes, right there in the gym, when he had Billy right next to him. 

I hold Billy tighter, my dick resting along the cleft of his big round sexy butt, and I kiss his naked shoulder.  “How’d you find out?” I ask.

He pauses.  “That’s the part that is hard for me to tell you.”  I promise him it’s OK to tell me anything.  He hesitates but then he begins. “Well… there was- it was a medical thing.”

“He gave you an STD?”  Billy is quiet for a moment, warm and snug in my arms.  “Yeah.”

“Not HIV right?  I mean we both said we’re negative…”  I jump in again “I mean I’m not saying you were lying, I’m just- “ 

Billy assures me. “No, not that.” 

I chuckle. “Do I need to guess?”  He says he’s embarrassed.

“OK.  Does it rhyme with burpees?”  He laughs. “No.” 

“Does it rhyme with “gonna see ya?”  Another laugh.  “Nope.”

It takes a while and I can’t guess it.  He says “Before I tell you, I have to tell you it’s gone.  It means a lot to me that you understand that.  I mean, I got antibiotics and I took them all, and it’s all gone. I don’t have it anymore.” 

I finally coax it out of him.  His ex gave him syphilis.  And the day I met him in the bookstore, he had just been diagnosed and had a very bad phone conversation with the ex.

I hug him tight and kiss him again and say “It’s funny how everybody thinks stuff that’s wrong. Like, I was sure you were personally rejecting me that day, like, I must be defective, I’m a loser for some reason.”

Billy pulls my arm and kisses it.  “No.  I was the one who felt like a reject.  I can’t even describe how bad I was feeling, on that day.”

I hold him and I say “To be honest, before you I was having quite a lot of sex.  What happened to you, could have happened to me.  Easily.  It’s just random luck that I only got an STD one time and mine’s gone too, it was a wart and it might come back but so far no.  It’s a risk that can happen if you have sex with people who have sex with other people and so on.  It’s not good, but – I mean, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”

Billy smiles and snuggles his butt and body back into me, burrowing. “You’re a good person.”

I reach around and gently pinch his nipple again and whisper in his ear. “Except when I’m bad.”

He laughs and grinds his butt against my dick again, we’re naked under the covers, and I start to get hard all over again.  His body is so warm alongside mine, and his beautiful soft golden curls of hair are right in my face, tickling my eyelashes. 

I start to grind my dick along Billy’s butthole and I think how badly I just want to be inside him again.  We are so fucking perfect together, when we do it.  I chuckle into his ear and say “I have an idea.  How about I’m your boyfriend now, and you’re mine.  For real.”

Billy just nods his beautiful head, slow.  He whispers the same words, “…for real.” 

My heart beats a little faster as I think about how all of this almost didn’t happen. I almost didn’t write that card, and ask Kate to give it to him. The card that told him how I feel, and invited him to send me an email in reply.  Which he did.

=-=-=-=-=

November 10, 2016

Hi Billy,

It seems like everyone’s focused on the election and Trump and all that stuff, but there is something else on my mind.  I know it was kind of awkward when I said hi in the bookstore a few weeks ago.  I’m sorry about that.  I don’t know why I am writing this and sending it, except to say when I saw you again in the gym yesterday, I still felt so drawn to you.  I just do. If there is any chance we could have a lunch date or just hang out sometime, let me know. This is an open invitation, good anytime.  OK I won’t keep asking after this, I will be respectful if the answer is no.  And really I just want you to know you are beautiful.

Garrett

(_________)@gmail.com

=-=-=-=-=

I hold Billy in my arms, in my bed, and in my heart, marveling at how it turned out.  I reach over and get some lube.  Moments later I’m sliding into him again, and he feels so fucking good on me.  His voice makes those very soft little “mmm” sounds that let me know he loves it.  I reach down and his dick is thick and mostly hard, and it’s dripping precum the way he does, and I love that.  He already came hard the last time we fucked, just an hour ago, so this one’s just because I want it and he likes it. There’s less intensity to it, more natural rhythm, more closeness between us. 

And I figure now’s as good a moment as any.  To say it, to finally tell this humpy cuddly sexy boy, for the first time…. “Billy - I love you.”

by Paul Lantoro

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