Awareness

Eli parked his pickup along the edge of the gravel lot and headed toward the entrance of Black Creek Bar. It was the only bar in the area and was located a few miles outside of the town that anchored the rural community of farmland and pastures separated by the large tracts of pine. Eli hesitated at the door for he was nervous, afraid of what could happen but he had to see this to its conclusion. It had gnawed at his insides ever since the night before when it happened. He didn't know what he was thinking. It was crazy how he thought it was a good idea and now he was afraid everyone in the bar would know what happened. He hoped not, but would years of friendship be enough to keep Parker from telling the others what he had tried last night. He took a deep breath and reached for the door telling himself how he was about to find out.

The bar had it usual Thursday night crowd, the pool tables all occupied and half the bar stools. Country music played on the jukebox overlaid with the talking and laughter of everyone inside. Eli looked down at the back pool table knowing it was where Parker would be hanging out. It was Parker's spot, his skill at pool insuring him a long night at the table. There were several guys and girls around the table each holding a beer and watching Parker make one more shot as he worked his way around the table sinking the stripes with his usual skill.

Eli approached the table and Parker was facing away from him. He did not bother to go to the bar first fearfully assuming he may be leaving sooner rather than later. Hunter was leaning against the steel column that separated the area of the pool tables from the main bar and he nodded to El. As Eli moved into the group's circle Hunter stood up from the column and moved toward him.

'He doesn't know' Eli thought as Hunter moved to his side.

"You have to work tomorrow?" Hunter asked.

"Yep; we have a house underway and I'm to be there at seven thirty in the morning ready to start the roof framing" Eli replied.

"You didn't get a beer?" Hunter asked noticing how Eli had his hands in his pockets.

"It's because he's not staying" Parker interjected and Eli and Hunter realized he was now standing next to Hunter. "Ain't that right?" Parker added as he stared at Eli.

"Look..." and Eli reconsidered what he was going to say and he looked down at the floor and gathered his thoughts. When he looked back up Hunter saw it, the sadness in his face like he'd never seen before, but Eli stiffened his resolve and stood up straight. "Okay, I'm leaving...this time" he exclaimed as he moved past Parker heading for the door.

Hunter was stunned for he had no idea what was going on between them. He stood shocked as he watched Eli leave and when the door closed behind him Hunter turned to ask Parker what in the hell was going on but Parker was back to the game aiming his next shot.

Hunter watched Parker go through his routine of aiming noticing Parker seemed to be rushing it and when he shot the ball bounced off the side just before the pocket and rolled back across the table toward Parker.

"Fuck" Parker uttered and he turned from the table heading toward the bar.

Hunter turned to Raymond who had been playing Parker and was one of their former classmates in school. "What was that all about?"

"I have no idea but Parker has been a moody bastard all evening and when he saw Eli walk in you should have heard the cussing he was doing under his breath."

Hunter turned and watched Parker talking to Lisa at the bar, flirting and laughing, and it was obvious Parker would be taking her back to his place, like he always did when no one else was available. Lisa was always his fall back when he was looking for sex.

Hunter wondered what had happened between Eli and Parker and it pained him for the three of them had been inseparable since they were very young. All through years of church, school and the long hot summers they had hung out together. But he knew things were changing between them, had been for a while, probably since high school and he knew part of the problem; the part that involved him.

He turned his beer bottle up and drained out the last of it, set the bottle down on a table and headed toward the men's room. The dark dirty room was a long narrow room with a lavatory on one end and a trough along one wall with a stream of water running through it. The trough was an old metal tank cut in half and anchored to the wall. It was dirty, wasteful and provided no privacy if more than one were using it. For Hunter it gave him the opportunity to check out the other guys, to sneak a peek at their cocks. It was such a tease for him, this temptation, but in this small community he took what he could get for anything more scared him. He was afraid of losing his friends. He'd heard the disparaging comments of gays over the years and it was a bad as his grandfather's racist comments, which also disturbed him.

He was alone this time and his eyes scanned the graffiti on the wall not really reading any of it for he was thinking about Parker and Eli. At the lavatory he looked in the mirror, the edge cracked and the reflective coating coming from the back around the perimeter and it seemed appropriate the way his reflection was so broken up, incomplete with pieces of himself missing. He was missing something.

He ran his wet hand through his reddish brown hair pushing it back from his forehead and out of his eyes. His green eyes stared back at him. At times like this he didn't feel like a man, someone twenty one years old. Instead he saw the freckles over his nose and under his eyes, saw the way he barely needed to shave, the kid he was when he was fourteen or fifteen, a kid who was struggling with his feelings, his attractions, attractions that focused too often on Parker and Eli.

At first it was Parker, who among the three of them had filled out first, his body grown muscular, and he had began shaving so much earlier than Eli or himself. He had been a tow headed boy whose hair whose hair eventually darkened to a light brown and each summer the bright hot sun would bleach it out, make it have blonde streaks in it which with Parker's dark skin and brown eyes made him so attractive, always being hit on by the girls. Even in school when they were in the tenth grade Parker had girls in the upper classes hitting on him. He played football and baseball which made him popular. And Hunter had worshiped him, done whatever Parker had wanted to do.

Eli had been like Hunter until the ninth grade and he shot up in height and his lean build made him seem ungainly. But he worked out with Parker, tried to play football, and then tried basketball and found the sport he was good at, the sport that took advantage of his build and he filled out, not like Parker, but more a runner's build, or a swimmer's build, tall and lean. Eli's fair skin contrasted sharply with his black hair but Hunter knew from seeing his friend change clothes or shower in gym he had the smoothest most blemish free skin he had ever seen. Only two small moles at the base of his neck on the right side were the only blemishes, but they really were not blemishes, not to Hunter. There were times it was Eli that drew his attention more than Parker, for Eli was more generous as a person, gentle in the way he dealt with others and it made Hunter wonder what he would be like in bed.

He threw water in his face once again, the cold water felt good and it brought him back into the current moment focusing his thoughts about Eli and Parker to the current situation.

Eli knew eventually Parker would tell someone what happened. He saw the anger in his face, the pure disgust, and Eli knew he was about to have to deal with it. Why did he try something like that, and with Parker of all people? He tossed and turned in bed for most of the night and at six thirty made himself get up and get ready for work. He felt like a zombie. The drive back into town and to the job site didn't take long and he was soon setting the ladders in place and getting ready to frame up the roof.

All morning he berated himself, asking over and over 'why now' or 'why with Parker'. He felt the conflict stir within him, this ache he didn't understand. He'd dated girls all through high school and for three years, up until last winter, he had dated Carol seriously, even talking of marriage. All through that time he never gave serious consideration to anything sexual with another man. But he had toyed with the thought, let the idea float in his mind when others joked around about gay sex and after breaking up with Carol he found himself online looking at sites for gays, watching videos of sex. It made him hard and he masturbated often to the videos. And he began to look at guys differently.

He wondered if he could really do those things, wondered what it would feel like and if it would be so different than sex with a woman. Guys on the job site with their shirts off or in some sleeveless shirt revealing their arms would capture his eye and he found himself looking at their crotches checking them out. He even stole glances at the guys who pissed against a tree on some sites. And night before last hanging out at Parker's apartment in town, both having consumed too many beers he admitted to himself how he thought Parker was attractive and would be fun to have sex with. He had reached over and put his hand no Parker's thigh and Parker hadn't reacted right away and he thought he was good to go further so he slipped it over the thigh and down near Parker's crotch.

But he had mistaken Parker's inebriation and slowness to respond as permission and soon found himself on the floor with Parker sitting on his chest threatening to beat the shit out of him, fist raised ready to strike.

Four thirty finally arrived and the crew called it a day and Eli told the guys he wouldn't be meeting up them at the bar for he was beat and going back to his place, an old farm house outside of town he rented from a second cousin. He was so exhausted when he got home he headed straight to the bathroom and took a hot shower. As soon as he was dried off he was climbing into bed thinking sleep had to come quickly since he got none the night before but for a long time he laid there staring at the ceiling. His stomach was tied in knots as he relived over and over what had happened at Parker's apartment.

The clock on his nightstand read nine forty two when his cell phone rang and he saw it was Hunter. He grimaced afraid Hunter would know by now and he hesitated to answer until the phone finally stopped ringing and went to voice mail. He didn't bother to check the message instead rolling over to face the wall and after a long time he finally fell to sleep.

Hunter left the bar around one o'clock and headed home, cutting through town knowing the streets would be nearly empty and all the signals in a flashing mode allowing him to cruise all the way through without stopping. He had tried to call Eli and was surprised to get his voice mail and after a couple of hours began to wonder what was going on. Parker showed up around ten and left within a few minutes with a woman who was at the bar so he had hung out with some of the others at a pool table watching one game after the next.

He woke late Saturday morning and went out for breakfast at a fast food place up at an interchange to the interstate just north of town. After a late breakfast he headed home and as he passed through town he turned on highway 86 in lieu of 84 and headed for Eli's place determined to find out what was going on. The drive was as familiar as if he was heading to his own home and soon he turned down the drive to the old farm house Eli was renting. He drove around the house to the rear and saw Eli's pickup under the carport. Usually by the time he shut off the engine and got out Eli would be at the door but this time he found himself knocking on the door, not once but twice.

"Come on Eli...I know you're in there. Open up."

The lock clicked and the door opened to Eli standing there in his boxers and t-shirt. He looked rough, his eyes red and he had the marks on his skin where he had just gotten out of bed. He stood in the doorway blocking Hunter from coming in.

"What do you want Hunter?"

Hunter sensed he had to go slow, not let Eli push him away too quickly and he looked down, took a breath and then looked into Eli's eyes.

"I just wanted to know if you are okay. I tried to get you last night and you didn't reply; look I know something is wrong."

Eli just looked at him for a minute then stepped back letting him enter. The rear door entered directly into the kitchen and Hunter went in and leaned against the counter by the range as Eli went to the sink, put his hands down on the counter either side of the bowl and stared out the window. They were silent for a long time, Hunter waiting patiently and Eli letting his fear and his confusion swirl around inside him and he looked down and closed his eyes. Anger welled inside of him, anger at himself for letting everything get away from him and anger at Parker and the way he reacted. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he looked around at Hunter his expression showing the mixture of emotions raging inside of him.

Hunter saw the look and for a moment felt the purity of Eli's emotions; primitive, those of the hunter...and the hunted.

"Has Parker told you anything?"

"No. He has been acting weird...like you."

Eli turned and looked out the window.

"Have you ever considered...something you knew most people would dislike you for?"

The answer came to Hunter immediately.

"Yes."

Eli nodded his head.

"I...a year ago I would have never considered such...but..." Eli stammered and Hunter remained silent, waiting on Eli to gather his thoughts. "The other night Parker and I had too much to drink and I...reached over and touched him...in a way that was..." Eli turned to Hunter, defiant in his expression, "...sexual. I wanted to have sex with Parker...with another man." Eli took a breath and moved to the small dining table in the room and sat down. Hands resting in his lap and eyes cast down to the laminated top of the old table he sat silent for only a moment then it all poured out. The way he considered sex with Parker, wondered how he would feel about it and if there was something about a connection with another man that would be more fulfilling than one he had had with Carol. Hunter had moved to the table while Eli talked and sat opposite of him listening, amazed at what Eli was saying for the way it resonated with himself.

Eli began to speak slower, his final thoughts mixed up, confused with his emotions, and he put his hands on the table clasped together. He finally fell silent and for a moment no one said anything or moved. Hunter leaned forward sliding his hand across the table and grasped Eli's hands and he squeezed them, gently, the way his mother would do when she was being comforting. Eli looked up and saw Hunter looking at him with a small smile on his face. Hunter took a deep breath.

"Eli...for me it isn't as confusing, but...the fear of how others would see it has always been there. I have never really wanted a...relationship with a woman. I've always wanted what you are just considering" and Hunter began to talk, to let everything bottled up inside come out as he confessed everything.

Hunter had let go of Eli's hands and sat back while he talked with Eli listening intently, hearing his friend, one he had known all his life, speak in a way that surprised him. He suddenly felt Hunter's pain, a sense of his isolation for so long and he sat silent letting Hunter say what he needed to say. When Hunter stopped they sat silent just looking at each other, both feeling raw and exposed.

"I think we've said a lot to each other...and I probably should go" Hunter uttered in a low voice as he slid the chair back and stood up. He moved to the door and as he took the knob Eli called out.

"Please...Hunter, don't go."

Who moved first? Neither could say, but clothes lay strewn through the house leaving a trail to the bedroom at the front of the house, the one Eli used as his own with its old large cast iron bed frame and high mattress. The covers lay across the foot of the mattress and light filtered through the open blinds casting bands of light over Eli, his long lean body moving over Hunter, his hips pumping his cock along the side of Hunter's both of them fully erect with their arousal. Hunter ran his hands up and around Eli, caressed the smooth skin, felt the firmness of it and he ran them down the long lean back feeling the slight indention along the spine. He rubbed them over Eli's ass, felt their firmness as they undulated over him in such a primitive way, pumping against him. Eli kissed him while running a hand through his long hair.

Hunter wrapped his legs around Eli's waist, his shorter frame snuggled within Eli's and he felt the way Eli's cock rubbed along his upturned ass, probed along his spread cheeks and touched him there, rubbed over his opening inflaming his desires and he clung to Eli and kissed him roughly and he rubbed one hand over the close cut scalp of Eli's head feeling the short hair rake over his palm.

Eli pushed against Hunter's opening then pumped his hips running his cock along Hunter till he felt an upward push against him.

"Eli...put it in me...please" Hunter whispered and Eli pulled his hips up and let his cock come to rest at Hunter's opening. It seemed forever to Hunter the way Eli hesitated but finally he felt Eli penetrate and sink into him. Slowly, inch by inch, Eli pushed down into Hunter till he was buried all the way in him. He lay still for a moment feeling the way Hunter quivered beneath him and heard the grunt and finally a slow moan escape from deep within him.

Hunter clung to Eli and pumped his hips upward and it was only a small movement but it was enough and Eli shifted up over him and began to fuck, slowly at first with long graceful movements, pulling his hips up till his cock nearly slipped free then pushing back down sinking all the way back into him. Eli's long lean body undulated with his fuck, with his ass moving up and down flexing with the exertion. Hunter caressed his back and down over his undulating ass feeling the way each cheek flexed with every push down. Hunter grabbed them and pulled Eli downward hard.

"Fuck me...Eli...fuck me."

Eli rose up and began to thrust his hips harder, to drive his cock into Hunter, a physical fuck, bodies moving against each other, hips slapping together and the two of them found the excitement of their fuck, the corporeal nature of it and Hunter clung to Eli taking each thrust into his body, every penetrating inch. Eli fucked till his fair skin glistened in the bands of sunlight as he drove his cock into Hunter feeling the tightness loosen to his penetration and he drove into Hunter harder, faster till the old bed rocked and squeaked.

Hunter clung to Eli, felt the way he moved over him, hot and slick, and Eli's undulating torso rubbed Hunter's cock, kept it pinned between them and rubbed it till it was slick with its pre-cum. Hunter began to pump his hips upward, shoving his ass upward for Eli's fuck and rubbing his cock against Eli's stomach.

Eli began to grind his hips inward working his cock in short thrusts as he felt his cum surge through his cock. He shoved inward hard and came, pumping out wad after wad deep into Hunter. When he was spent he slipped out of Hunter and moved over to his side. Hunter reached for his cock and began to stroke it but Eli moved down to it quickly brushing Hunter's hand away. Hunter felt his cock sink into Eli's mouth and after only a few moves up and down he came filling Eli's mouth with his load.

They laid in bed, dozing off and on all day, only getting up to eat something and go to the bathroom. The sun moved down into the western sky and the light shifted through the blinds moving over the floor and walls. As the day approached its end Hunter lay on his side with his back snuggled up to Eli who held their bodies together. Hunter moved against Eli, worked his ass against Eli's cock till he felt it begin to grow erect and press against him. Eli stirred and pulled their bodies together tighter and he reached down and lifted Hunter's leg and pushed his cock against Hunter's entrance. Hunter leaned back turning his head to kiss Eli while he pushed his ass against the cock at his entry till he felt Eli penetrate him, slowly, inch by inch, sinking all the way into him. Eli pumped his hips driving his cock into Hunter until he needed to shift positions. Hunter rolled over on his stomach with Eli moving over him and drove his cock into Hunter, long slow strokes feeling each inch of his cock slip through the tight ring of Hunter's opening.

Hunter grabbed at the sheet and pushed his ass upward taking Eli, taking each inward thrust feeling the way Eli sank into his hole, deeply, filling him. Their pace stayed slow for a long time, each savoring the feel of the other, the way their bodies moved together but Eli's exertions soon tired him and he pulled out of Hunter and eased over on his back.

"I've got to catch my breath" he uttered with his heavy breathing.

Hunter smiled, leaned over kissing Eli then he moved over him, straddling his waist. Eli watched Hunter take his cock and ease down on it and he watched it disappear into Hunter. Hunter worked his body up and down building up his pace, faster and faster. He stroked his own cock as he rode Eli's, rocking over him making the bed squeak and shake noisily.

Eli rested his hands on Hunter's thighs feeling the way the muscles flexed and relaxed with Hunter's movement and he leaned back with his eyes closed with everything focused on the way his cock felt working in Hunter's hole. All too soon he felt Hunter's cum spatter across this chest and stomach and he opened his eyes seeing Hunter stroke the last of the cum from his cock smearing it over the head and down the shaft. He shoved upward as Hunter came down and he felt the way Hunter's hole spasm with each ejaculation and it pushed Eli over the edge and he once again filled Hunter with his cum.

Sunday morning was another bright summer day and Eli and Hunter decided on breakfast in town both of them having woke early that morning. The restaurant was busy but they managed to get a table by the window of the small diner and soon had breakfast in front of them. They talked quietly as they ate leaned in to each other, occasionally laughing out loud drawing the attention of others. They had spoken to those around them they knew but otherwise they didn't notice their surroundings, who came and went or who sat in the back. And they certainly didn't notice Parker get up from the counter in back and exit the diner.

Parker couldn't believe what he was seeing. The moment the two of them came in he knew. Knew by the way they moved together, the way they were talking, all leaned in toward each other and he seethed inside with anger. He went straight to his apartment and slammed the door shut tossing his keys across the room. He didn't understand his anger, this furious nature that arose inside of him. He went into the bathroom and on the way saw his unmade bed and the torn condom wrappers on the floor and he frowned.

He paced the apartment and eventually found himself checking his social sites online pulling up Eli and Hunter to see if either had dared to post something. Neither had been online in days. Then he did it, a search that made his hands feel clammy and his heart race inside his chest. He watched one video, then another, and another. He felt it, his arousal, as he watched men have sex. Men sucking cock, taking cock in their ass, and he took his own out for it was so hard it ached. He moved his hand over it and was surprised to find the head already slick and he stroked it as he watched another video, a guy on his elbows and knees taking a cock in the mouth and ass, two men roughly fucking him at each end. Parker tried not to imagine it, but the image of it being him in that position came to him, on his knees and elbows, taking cock in his ass and mouth. He closed his eyes and the men became Eli and Hunter and they fucked him, roughly till cum ran from his mouth and ass. The silence within his apartment was shattered as he cried out with his initial ejaculation and cum spattered the front of his shirt and his jeans. He kept stroking his cock till he was spent and his cock too sensitive for further stimulation. Exhausted, spent, still angry with himself he leaned over resting his forehead on the table.