My progress from First Lieutenant to Captain was relatively fast. I did my job in Germany well and my performance got the attention of my superiors. I was a fine Marine. Upon my promotion, my immediate superior officer, Major Lewis, told me that my ability to command the respect of the enlisted men and officers had been noticed.
"You're good with the men" Major Lewis commented.
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir". If he only knew.
Major Lewis continued. "They respect you. They trust you. You have a gift".
"Sir, it's called a big dick, sir". I didn't actually say that. But it did occur to me.
I called Lou in Virginia and told him about my promotion.
"I told you that you'd be good for the Corps. You're a Marine's Marine, Tom."
It occurred to me that I was at least five or six Marines' Marine.
"The Corps has been good for me and good to me" I told Lou. "I owe you a lot".
"All you owe me is to keep being a Marine - that, and a face fucking when you get back to the States".
"You'll get a face fucking you won't ever forget" I said laughing.
"I haven't forgotten the first - or the last face fucking you gave me. Get your big ass home soon, Tom".
When Jorge heard that I'd received my second bar, he called.
"Congratulations, buddy. Making Captain is a big fucking deal. You're on your way to Brigadier General and from there - hell, who knows - maybe the Joint Chiefs. By the way, there's a special induction ritual for new Captains" Jorge informed me.
"Yeah, is that right?" I asked. "Somehow I missed that in Officers Candidate School".
"Oh, yeah" Jorge continued. "It's a secret rite of initiation into the - uh, uh" he hesitated. "Into the Secret Brotherhood of Marine Captains. You wouldn't get that in OCS. It's something only us Captains know."
"Well, since you're at European Command, maybe I should ask Captain Davidson about it" I said referring to one of the men in my company.
"Hell, Captain Davidson wouldn't know about it yet. It's a secret ritual that only an elite corps knows about. How about if I tell you about it sometime in the future".
"Sure thing. OK if I invite my Mom and Dad to this initiation"?
"You could" Jorge responded. "But you might not want to."
I laughed.
"Yeah, I think I can skip your Captains initiation ritual - if that's what you call it. I've got a feeling that I've been through it so many times already that I ought to be at least a Major General by now. Why don't we just get together soon and fuck, Captain to Captain? That's my favorite kind of initiation."
"You've got a deal, Captain O'Neil. But, we'll put you through that special ritual someday when you don't expect it".
About a month after my promotion, one of my subordinates, Kyle, a First Lieutenant, told me about his upcoming wedding to the daughter of an officer assigned to another Marine Corps base in Southern Germany.
"Sir, my fiancé and I would like the honor of having you attend our wedding" Kyle said to me one day while we were logging Russian radio transmission transcripts. "We're getting married in three weeks."
Kyle was an eager young Marine from Ohio. Like me, he was fluent in Russian. Although I was only twenty seven, no more than four years older than Kyle, he seemed to me to be much younger.
"Thanks, Kyle. I appreciate the invitation."
"Sir, the wedding is in Hof", Kyle continued. "So, if you can't make it, we'll understand. But Lisa and I would really like for you to attend."
"Assuming the Russians don't march into Hof before the wedding, I'll be there. The honor would be mine."
The small city of Hof is located a few miles from what used to be the border between West Germany and East Germany, near their common border with what used to be Czechoslovakia, now the Czech Republic. In 1989, American and NATO military war planners assumed that if the Russians were to invade Western Europe, they would do so by launching a first strike against allied forces in the area where the three countries meet. Consequently, the branches of the American military and NATO set up shop in that corner of Bavaria.
Hof is not one of Germany's most picturesque towns. While it weathered both World Wars more or less intact, years earlier, in the nineteenth century, a fire destroyed many of the town's buildings, including many of the cross timber structures ubiquitous in German tourism posters. On the other hand, there are two beautiful churches there - one built in the twelfth century and the other built in the thirteenth century. Kyle and his bride were to be married in the more ornate church, built the around 1230. Both churches are relatively small structures, not at all like the cathedrals built or started about the same time in more important towns in Europe.
After a seventy-five minute drive, I arrived in Hof around noon and checked into the Hotel Centralhof on the town's main square. Most of the Centralhof's rooms had been reserved for wedding guests.
From start to finish, the wedding was conducted with the precision, timing and ceremony of a military parade. An usher, a young enlisted Marine, saluted and then seated me in a sea other Marines all decked out, like me, in dress blues. Other young Marines escorted the bridesmaids down the center aisle to the altar where Kyle and his father were standing with a Marine chaplain.
Kyle's bride, Lisa, walked down the aisle on the arm of her father, Major Andy Soto. Major Soto was a well built Cuban American in his mid-forties. Despite Lisa's beauty, my eyes were fixed on her father, who beamed proudly as he and his daughter entered the church. I made a mental inventory of Major Soto as he and his daughter passed by - broad shoulders, big chest, olive skin, bright green eyes, high and tight hair cut, and perfect white teeth when he smiled.
The ceremony was short. There was the standard recitation of scriptural passages about marriage, some choral music, the Marine prayer, some more choral music, and then the vows. After a final prayer, the newlyweds kissed and walked back down the aisle together to a round of applause and a few whistles by Kyle's fellow Marines.
The reception was held at a nearby hall. Before dinner was served and toasts were made, a band played and a German woman did her best to imitate Pat Benatar. A local caterer made a good stab at Cuban food. There was plenty of champagne.
After dinner when the recorded salsa music started, I took to the dance floor, emboldened by the alcohol. I danced with Kyle's mother, his grandmother, Lisa's mother, three of the bridesmaids, and a fat older woman who kept turning around and tossing her long hair in my face. For nearly an hour, I tolerated the fat woman's mane because she and I were dancing next to Major Soto and his various dance partners.
Finally, I looked at my dance partner, pointed to the sweat rolling down my face and excused myself. She made an exaggerated pout and then nodded as we parted.
A few minutes after returning to my table, I felt a hand grab my shoulder. When I looked back, it was the father of the bride.
"You enjoying yourself, Captain?"
"Yes, sir. Very much, sir. Thank you, sir."
Major Soto looked at me, smiled and squeezed my shoulder. He glanced down at my empty glass.
"Have fun, Captain. I'll get somebody over here to make sure your glass stays full."
His hand stayed on my shoulder as he scanned the room for a waiter. I liked the feeling of his hand pressing down on me. When I looked back up at him, I was afraid that my thoughts were being telegraphed by my face. I was buzzed by the alcohol.
"Thank you, sir".
As he walked away, I told myself to sober up.
Major Soto kept his word. My glass never got less than half full before it was filled again by a waiter who seemed to hover around my table. I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of sobering up.
I saw the fat woman with the long hair get up from her table, glance over at me and then storm toward my table.
"Time to go piss" I said to myself as the fat woman's route was blocked temporarily by a salsa-ing Second Lieutenant backing away from his dance partner.
"I owe you one, Marine" I said under my breath as I got up from my chair.
Instead of walking toward the bathrooms near the main entrance of the banquet hall - and giving the fat woman with hair time to catch me - I escaped through an open door a few feet from my table. I wandered down a dimly lit hallway, passing an entrance to the kitchen and several other doors just beyond. Further down, the hallway took a rightward turn toward the double doors of the building's service entrance. As I started to turn around and retrace my steps, I saw the word "damen" on a door a few feet further down the hallway; and just beyond that door, nearer the exit, was another door with the word "herren" - gentlemen, in German.
The knob on the door to the men's room rattled when I turned it. Inside the bathroom, there were two urinals on the immediate right and a single door-less stall next to the second urinal. The urinals and the stall faced two sinks on the opposite side of the room. A mirror covered the length of the wall above the sinks.
I soaked a paper towel with cold water, looked in the mirror and wiped the sweat from my face. Then, I turned and went over to one of the urinals to pee.
Dress blues are not designed for easy cock access. It took me about thirty seconds to free my cock from my pants and begin pissing. About the time the water started to drain from my bladder, I heard the door knob rattle.
A few seconds later, Major Soto pulled up to the urinal next to me.
I looked over at him.
"Captain" he said nodding.
"Major" I responded.
I continued pissing. "Sir, thank you for the uh - champagne" I said awkwardly.
I heard his stream splash in the water of the urinal.
"My pleasure, Captain. I want to make sure the guests are enjoying themselves."
"I know I am, sir - enjoying myself, I mean."
Major Soto laughed.
We stood there for a few seconds. In the background, I could hear the salsa music. Closer up, I could hear the Major's and my piss hitting the water at the bottoms of the urinals.
"Kyle tells me that you're one of our top Russian language experts."
"I'll have to thank Kyle for that compliment, sir. We have a good team - all of the men are good at their jobs".
I felt my cock begin to swell.
"Not now" I thought to myself.
I stood at the urinal for a half minute or more before I realized that I could only hear the sound of the salsa music in the background. The sound of the pissing had stopped. Both of us were still standing at the urinal but neither one of us was still taking a piss.
I looked down at my cock. I was holding it between my thumb and four fingers, a couple of inches below the head, which was now deep purple and semi engorged. I glanced quickly over at Major Soto. He was staring straight ahead toward the wall. Looking down, I saw his cock, rock hard, veins bulging and ready for action. I watched as he ran the palm of his hand over the fat head of his cock, causing it to bounce back and forth.
I stood there for about a minute watching the Major play with his cock. He glanced over at my thickening meat. Nervously, I shook my hard cock as if there was still a drop of piss on it, backed away from the urinal and wrestled with my cock to get it back in my pants.
I went over to the sink and turned on the water just as Major Soto pulled away from the urinal and walked over to the other sink. He stared at me in the mirror.
He turned on the faucet and ran his hands under the water, never taking his eyes off of me. He reached for a paper towel and dried his hands. He wadded up the paper towel and threw it in a waste basket next to the door. I reached for a towel and began drying my hands. Neither one of us spoke.
Major Soto walked toward the door. I turned to follow him out. He reached for door but instead of opening it, he twisted the button under the knob and locked it. He turned and looked back at me. I stopped just before walking into him.
Inches away from each other, neither one of us moved.
"How do say, "do you like to suck cock' in Russian?" he asked looking me in the eyes.
"Sir?"
Major Soto repeated his question. "How do you say in Russian "do you like to suck cock'?"
His eyes were fixed on mine. He didn't blink.
"Uh. I think it's "vi lubite mui sasat' or something like that."
"Well, Captain - do you like to suck cock - or something like that?"
I hesitated for a moment trying to think clearly.
"Do you like to suck cock, Captain O'Neil?"
"Cock, sir. Yes, sir. I do, sir."
"Do what exactly, Captain?"
"I, um - I like to suck cock, sir"
Major Soto moved closer with a Marine's determination in his eyes. When his chest touched mine, he suddenly shoved me against the wall with the weight of his body. Despite the lessons that I thought I'd learned in basic training, he caught me off guard. My left shoulder slammed into the side of the towel dispenser with a loud metallic bang before I hit the wall. He pinned me against the wall, pressed his mouth against mine and tried to force my arms up over my head before I had time to get my footing.
He met his match in me. I gripped his wrists, forced his arms back and held them to his side. I put my left leg between his legs and quickly brought the heel of my shoe to the back of his right foot causing him to lose his balance. I forced his arm behind his back and whipped him around, shoving him against the wall where I'd just been standing. With my arm still holding his behind his back and his head against the bathroom wall, I pinned my body against him and pressed my mouth on his. I could feel his hard cock against mine.
As our kissed continued, the muscles in both our bodies relaxed. I released his arm. Our mutual hunger for each other, undoubtedly honed by the champagne, overcame the raw intensity of the pent up sexual tension that had been building.
I moved my mouth from his but kept him pinned against the wall. I squared my jaw and looked him in the eyes.
"Yes, sir! I like to suck cock, sir! What about you, sir?" I said forcefully.
I could feel the hot air from his mouth and nostrils on my face. We looked at each other for what seemed like minutes before he spoke.
"I want you to suck my cock, Captain."
"Sir, I'd like to do that - sir!"
I backed up. Major Soto moved away from the wall. We stood looking at each other before we simultaneously moved forward and put our arms around each other again and kissed passionately. Major Soto was a skilled kisser.
"Where are you staying?"
"At the Hotel Centralhof, sir. Room number 18."
"How about if I come by your room after the reception. I'm sure it will be late - after midnight - probably in the middle hours of the morning."
"I'll be there, sir. I'll be waiting for you".
"Eighteen?"
"Yes, sir. Eighteen".
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my room key and gave it to Major Soto.
"I'll pick another one at the front desk".
I leaned into him, put my right hand behind his head and drew his face into mine. When we'd finished kissing, Major Soto turned toward the sink, opened the faucet full force and splashed cold water on his face.
"Let me leave first. Give me a couple of minutes" he said wiping his face with a towel.
"Yes, sir."
He straightened his uniform.
"Room 18" he repeated.
"Yes, sir."
He looked at me as he unlocked the bathroom door. After he'd gone, I took a deep breath, looked in the mirror, turned on the cold tap and splashed a handful of water on my face. I dried my face and waited for about two minutes before I opened the bathroom door and returned to the banquet hall. I'd been gone less than ten minutes, but it seemed like hours.
As soon as I walked back into the hall, I saw the fat woman with the hair seated at my table.
"There you are, handsome" the fat woman screamed. "They're playing some Tito Puente. Let's dance!"
The fat woman looked over her shoulder and tossed her hair in my face repeatedly through the music of Tito Puente and a dozen more Cuban and Latin American artists. By eleven o'clock, when the catering staff brought out more food, my salsa companion had danced up an appetite. When she headed for the buffet table, I excused myself. This time, she didn't pout.
Kyle and Lisa were still dancing. I interrupted them to express my best wishes and congratulations. I glanced over at Major Soto who was seated at one of the tables with some other officers and their wives. Engrossed in conversation, he didn't see me leave.
I went back to the hotel, a ten minute walk from the banquet hall. I apologized to the night clerk and told him that I had lost my key while dancing. He jokingly advised me to block the door to my room with a chair in case a wayward guest from the reception found it and decided to invade my room in the middle of the night. I requested that he "be on the lookout for a very large woman with long hair".
I undressed, showered, and turned off all the lights except for the one over the sink in the bathroom. Naked, I lay down on the bed on top of the covers. I thought about Major Soto and replayed the events in the bathroom over in my head. I stroked my cock, stopping just short of coming several times. After a while, I fell asleep.
At 2:15, I was awakened by a slight movement on the bed.
When I opened my eyes, Major Soto was sitting on the bed, silhouetted by the bathroom light. I leaned up on my elbows as he stroked my right leg.
"Hey" I said in a low, sleepy voice. I'd never addressed a Major in the Marine Corps so informally before. But then again, I'd never had a Major in the Marine Corps enter my room in the middle of the night before.
"Hey" he responded.
He leaned in and kissed me.
"I left a couple of hangers for you on the chair" I said, pointing toward the room's one chair.
"Thanks". Major Soto rose from the bed. As I watched him begin to take off his clothes, my cock registered my anticipation.
He unbuttoned his shirt still damp with sweat and then unbuckled his pants. He pulled the shirt tail out of his pants and removed his shirt. He put the shirt on the back of the chair. A gold crucifix hanging from his neck reflected the bathroom light. I could finally see his big pecs and thick arms.
He took off his pants and folded them on one of the hangers.
He came back over to the bed and sat down. I was still propped up on my elbows. He ran his hands over my chest and down my stomach. My cock was at full attention.
"Damn, you're one fucking beautiful man, Marine." he said
"Thank you, sir. So are you."
He touched the side of my face with his hand and ran his finger tips gently across my lips. He stood up and pulled off his boxer shorts. When he turned sideways to put his underwear on the seat of the chair, I could see his cock protruding straight out from its intersection with his body, parallel to the floor. As I had noticed earlier as we stood at the urinals, it was a substantial piece of meat.
I moved over in the bed to make room for him. He got on the bed next to me, lay on his side and faced me. He ran his right hand over my head and to the back of my neck and gently moved my face to his and kissed me several times.
He turned on his back and sighed.
"I'm glad this night is over".
"It's not over yet" I said moving down his chest.
Major Soto moved onto his back as I began to tongue his pecs. As I licked around one of his nipples, he put his hands on the back of my head. I moved my face to the side, reached for his forearm and pulled the back of his left hand to my lips. I kissed it gently.
I explored his hand with my mouth. He had perfect hands. They were thick as were his fingers. The back of his hands were covered with fine, dark hair. I wrapped my mouth around his index finger and then added his middle finger. I remember running my tongue over his wedding ring as I added his ring finger to the other two.
"Sorry if I went too far earlier" he said in a low tone.
I pulled his fingers from my mouth. "No, sir. Not at all. You just surprised me".
"You were driving me crazy" he continued. "You're hotter than . . . ". His voice trailed off as my tongue touched the tip of his cock.
"I kept my eye on you during the whole reception." I admitted. I tongued his cock slit. I looked up and laughed. "I even danced with some overweight woman for hours just to be close to you on the dance floor."
I rubbed my face against his cock. He put his hands on my head.
He laughed. "You're driving me nuts".
He spread his legs wider as I repositioned my body. I pushed my hands under his ass and locked my arms around his thick legs. His cock stood at full attention, inches from my eager mouth.
I looked down at his thick cock. His balls hung low. They were suspended in a large sack which started from his cock, a couple of inches above the base. I nudged his warm balls with my face. I still recall their strong masculine scent.
"I told you that I like to suck cock, sir."
"Before you do that, I want you to kiss me."
I had fallen asleep earlier wondering how Major Soto would be in bed. I'd wondered if the aggression of the banquet hall bathroom would be a harbinger of things to come. I'd anticipated that when he showed up - if he showed up - he would order me to blow him and then leave. Maybe it was the fact that the whole series of events of his daughter's wedding had left him exhausted. But now, Major Soto was gentle and caring. I could love this man, I thought - at least a couple times a week.
I climbed on top of him and pressed my mouth to his. He locked me in his arms.
"You're precumming" he said quietly. "I can feel it on the side of my stomach".
"I should have warned you about that" I said.
"Don't worry, Marine."
With his arms locked around me, he flipped both of us over - he was on top and I was on the bottom looking up. He pressed his body into me, face first. Despite the slight sting, I liked the feeling of his unshaven face against mine. As his tongue explored my mouth, he pulled his arms from under me, took my hands in his and pressed them above my head. Unlike earlier, in the bathroom, I didn't resist but instead, allowed him to stretch my arms upward, forcing me to absorb his weight fully.
He rubbed his hairy chest against mine as we kissed. I pushed my cock upward into his. As he spread his legs, I could feel his balls on mine.
He rolled off of me, moved to the side of the bed and sat up with his feet on the floor.
"Come over here" he ordered quietly. "Get on the floor in front of me".
All of a sudden, I remembered rank.
"Yes, sir".
"I want to see you eat my cock, Marine."
"Yes, sir.
I moved off the bed and kneeled in front of him. He leaned in and kissed me.
Neither of us said anything as my head angled for his cock. He spread his legs.
I put my lips over his cock head and over an inch or so of his shaft. I wanted to savor his thick blood-filled cock cap. I opened my mouth wide. I placed my bottom teeth gently on the underside of his cock and moved my mouth up and down, my teeth stopping where his shaft met the head and my top lip continuing up and over the head.
Major Soto sighed.
"That feels good, Marine. Suck my cock."
I continued to mouth only the head and the top couple of inches. I wanted to make this blowjob last. I enjoyed the taste and feel of Major Soto's meat. I enjoyed serving Major Soto. I'd already serviced several high ranking officers for pay. But none had made me as horny for cock - for sucking cock - as had Major Soto.
As I moved my mouth downward, my lips sensed the veins in his cock that I'd noticed earlier. I ran my tongue along one particularly pronounced vein and then across it several times. He let out a soft, satisfied moan.
Major Soto placed his hands on my shoulders. It brought back the memory of his hand on me at the reception.
He ran his hands across my shoulders, pausing at my traps before continuing to the back of my neck. With the pressure of his hands against my neck, my mouth plunged over the length of his cock.
I started to cough.
He eased his hands off the back of my neck. I lifted my head and coughed a couple of more times. Afterwards, as he had done earlier, he ran the fingertips of his left hand across my lips. I grabbed his wrist and moved his hand across my lips and then across the rest of my face. With his right hand, he pulled my head to his chest.
I opened my mouth and gently pulled in some of his chest hair with my lips.
As I kneeled in front of him, I proceeded down his body, mouthing his body hair as I went. From his chest, I continued down to his stomach, around his naval and lower to the pubic hair around his cock and on his ball sack. I left a trail of wet hair
I lifted my head. "I like to suck cock, Major. Your cock."
I consciously filled my mouth with saliva. He kneaded the muscles in my neck as I embraced his cock with my mouth once again.
"Oh, God, this feels . . . "His voice trailed off.
No longer content to simply tease his cock, I gave him head.
He moaned.
My saliva streamed out of my mouth, over his balls and between his legs. I don't know from where it came, but I kept my mouth filled with spit as I rammed my head over his hot meat.
"I love your mouth" he said with a sigh. "Fuck, right now, I love all of you."
I knew what he meant. I loved his cock. But, in that moment, I loved all of him.
For almost a half hour, I sucked his cock without letting up. The only sounds in the room were his frequent moans and the sound of my wet mouth roaming over his cock. Several times he told me that I was "driving him crazy".
Finally, as his cock banged against the back of my throat, I could feel his cock head thickening. I moved my right hand to his ball sack and gently tugged on his big rocks. He moaned, softly at first. The moaning increased in volume until a felt his orgasm begin its crescendo in his groin.
I longed for him to come in my mouth. I moved my head up and down the length of his meat, pausing at the head each time.
"You're going to make me-------aghhhhh".
When I felt the first blast from the head of his cock, I pushed his meat all the way to the back of my throat. I sensed his wad flowing down my throat into my chest. His body shook. The unmistakable taste and smell filled the back of my mouth and nostrils. His body shook again. He pushed my head downward - fully impaling me on his cock and preventing me from rising up and down on him. He pumped my face. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the big, sweet cock draining down the back of my mouth.
When he released my head, I leaned up and coughed. He grabbed me and held me to his chest. He shuddered.
With my head locked in his arms, I looked down at his spent cock resting on his balls. I brought my arms forward and wrapped them around him.
"Lay back, sir" I said softly.
He lay back against the bed, his feet still on the floor. I rose from the floor, got on the bed, rested my back against the headboard and placed his head in my lap. He looked up at me. Neither one of us said anything for ten to fifteen minutes when he got up and began to dress.
"Stay in bed", he said as he slipped on his shoes. "When I leave, I want to see you on the bed naked. I'm going to remember this".
I did as ordered.
After tying the laces of his shoes, he stood up, leaned over, squeezed my hard cock, and kissed me. He walked over to the door.
"Thanks, Captain" he said before leaving.
He reached for the doorknob and suddenly turned around again.
"And, thanks for showing Pauline a good time".
"Sir?"
"Pauline. That large woman you were talking about earlier. That's Pauline - my wife's sister." I saw him grin in the dim light. "Good-night, Captain".
"Good-night, Major".
A few weeks later, I called Jorge to catch up.
"What's been going on?" he asked.
"Well, I gotta tell you. I had an unusual experience at a wedding recently."
"Unusual"? Jorge asked. "I take it that this experience was of a sexual nature?"
"Oh, yeah." I responded. "Definitely sexual".
"What was unusual about it? Nothing's unusual when it comes to you and sex."
"Even for me, it was unusual."
"O.K." he continued. "Let me see. Give me a minute, here. Unusual - for you. Did it involve pigmies, aborigines, extraterrestrial abduction, a seven foot tall Austrian named Klaus, a religious cult leader - am I close?"
"Not even close".
"Hell, buddy, I don't know anymore what's unusual for you - a nun?"
"O.K. You're getting closer. It does involve someone in a uniform."
"Not the Pope?"
"Not the Pope" I answered. "At least, not this time".
"Please don't tell me that you fucked the bride".
"Funny. Very funny. But you're close. I blew her father - a Major.
"A major what?"
"You are major dumbshit. I blew a Major in the United States Marine Corps."
"Oh. So you went through the ritual without me? You're a jerk."
"What are you talking about?"
"The initiation into the ranks of the prestigious Brotherhood of Captains I was telling you about. It involves blowing an officer in the rank above you."
I laughed.
"Looks like I stumbled onto the ritual all by myself. I liked that ritual. I think I'll go do it over and over. Maybe it should be a sacrament. Anyway, I can't talk long now. How about if I tell you all about it in a few weeks. I got some time off coming up. Thought we could up meet somewhere - maybe Munich or Amsterdam."
"Aw, I wanted to hear about it now" Jorge protested. "Damn. The bride's father. That's a good one, even for you. I guess I can wait to hear the details. Anything else new with you".
"Not really. But I have a question. Why does a fat woman throw her hair in a man's face?"
There was silence.
"Jorge? You still there?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm still here. I was just thinking. When you and I meet up, I want to talk about "Major Bride's Father' but I don't want to know anything about a fat woman with long hair. That's too fucking unusual - even for you."
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