Again and Again
I first saw him on a Tuesday afternoon. He was seated at the conference table where Ned and I were to have our weekly planning meeting. They were in an animated discussion - something on the current political situation, always a topic of interest - and did not immediately notice me entering the room. As my shadow cast a reflection on the polished table, they turned towards me. Ned was in his usual dress pants, dress shirt, and slim trousers, befitting his lean, athletic frame. I was similarly attired, and particularly grateful to have been so given who I was about to meet. Ned introduced him as Rafael, a recent Yale grad who was going to be interning at the firm for six weeks.
Simply put, Rafael was beautiful. He had a very light brown complexion, dark brown eyes and hair. Though not as lean as Ned - no one could be that lean - he was naturally slim. Unlike Ned and I, he was dressed casually, in khakis and a pale blue oxford collared shirt with long sleeves that had been neatly folded up to his elbows. He looked very much the product of wealth and privilege: J Crew clothing, hair just so and blindingly white, perfectly aligned teeth; he had that unassuming air about him that is so often a characteristic of those born to old money. To say that Rafael made me feel weak in the knees was not an understatement and it took every ounce of steely determination within me to retain my composure, for whilst Ned and I had known each other for a few years, neither he, nor anyone else at the office knew I was gay. Though I found Rafael breathtaking, I did not want this meeting to be the moment when my secret was discovered.
I had worked hard to attain my executive position in the company, starting off on the front lines, garnering the respect and admiration of my colleagues, and then working my way up from a mid-level manager to a senior administrator at age 30. This was the reason Ned and I got along so well. He, too, had worked his way up the ladder, and though our areas of responsibility differed significantly, our areas of mutual concern overlapped significantly, requiring us to work cooperatively on many fronts. This we did with enthusiasm and our strengths complemented one another; his strength was big picture strategy; mine was attention to details and people. This made our working relationship incredibly productive. We might argue, but really, we always knew we were on the same side. We were not, however, on the same "team". Ned was straight, passionately so, and he often regaled us with stories of his exploits, some too incredible to believe, but true, nonetheless. It was also this attribute that made him such a success in a conservative organization such as the one we worked for, an organization that whilst not outright frowning upon homosexuality, never gave it even tacit approval.
The introductions, made all the more memorable and even more disconcerting for me by the way Rafael raised his eyebrows and flashed me a smile upon hearing that I was the competition - a Harvard man and not a 'Yaley', sent me into sexual overdrive. I did not know if he was gay, but I desperately hoped he was. Had it been a different context, I would have turned on all my charms, but this was neither the appropriate time nor venue. My attraction to Rafael made it difficult to concentrate during the meeting. Thankfully, Ned had to cut our discussions short and thus my resolve, as little as it was, saw me through the meeting. When they had left, I let out a deep breath - I had not even realized I was not breathing normally until the room was empty and I was left to my own jumbled thoughts.
Over the next few weeks, my resolve was tested severely. Ned, Rafael and I, along with our close circle of colleagues and friends, met frequently, both professionally and socially. The social gatherings were the hardest. I was on constant guard. I did not want to say anything that might make me look foolish in front of Rafael and I was paying very close attention to how I looked so that every time we met, I was able to make a really good impression. Though Rafael was younger than me, he seemed so sure of himself, so much at ease. At one lunch, hosted by a friend at the golf club, Rafael arrived wearing navy shorts and a t-shirt that not only flattered his lean figure, but also showed off his beautifully toned arms. He had hooked his tortoise shell sunglasses onto the top of his v-neck t-shirt, providing a tantalizing glimpse of the sparse hair on his chest. As the lunch progressed, I stole furtive glances at him, willing myself to remember how he looked as the sun made his skin glow and his hair shine. It was that image that I wanted to remember at night when the erection I was fighting off could be unleashed and I could find pleasure in the confines of my bedroom as I imagined myself touching him, kissing him, gently at first, and then more and more deeply until passion consumed us and we gave in to our every desire.
Despite the wicked thoughts I kept having about Rafael, we ended up becoming friends in quick fashion because I realized that if I could not have him in the way that I wanted him, I would, nonetheless, want him as my friend. We would often work late, talk about great books that we had read, movies that we had watched and current events. I wanted him to have a great experience with the firm and took him under my wing. He often sought my advice on how to handle particular clients or how to navigate challenging situations with other personnel. We also began socializing after work. I was keen to introduce him to some of my favourite restaurants, not only because he loved good food, but also because it selfishly gave me even more personal time with him.
One evening, at a rather pretentiously named restaurant, the conversation drifted, surprisingly for me, to the topic of gay rights. Rafael unequivocally stated his support for equality and then, hesitantly, asked for my opinion. I was both moved and taken aback by his mannerism. On the one hand, I think he feared he had overstepped his bounds; on the other hand, I realized that I may not have done as good a job of hiding my real self from him as I had thought. The possibilities both excited and terrified me at the same time - I could not afford to mess this up if, as I desperately hoped, this was his way of letting me know something about his true desires. I realized I had to respond carefully. Up to that point, Rafael had given me absolutely no reason to suspect he was gay. Nothing about him provided me with any clues as to whether he preferred men or women or both for that matter. We had spoken about our families and our friends, but had never ventured beyond that point to enquire about past loves or relationships. Whether this was borne out of fear of what me might discover or a desire to protect our deepening friendship, I could not tell. I agreed with Rafael's stance on the subject and emphasized how ridiculous I thought it was that people would not treat others with kindness and dignity. Needless to say, I was even more attracted to Rafael after that.
At last, however, fate smiled upon me. One Friday morning, Rafael called me to tell me he was feeling under the weather and would not be coming into work. Concerned, I asked him if he needed anything; I would be happy to stop by after work to drop off whatever it was that he wanted. He told me that he was craving soup and would love a bowl of the Canadian harvest soup I had made him a few weeks before. Luckily, I had a batch in my freezer and I told him that since I was going to be leaving early for the weekend, I would swing by my place to pick it up and drop it off to him. Gratefully, he ended the conversation and said that he was looking forward to seeing me and enjoying some soup. Needless to say, time began moving in ultra slow motion. Every time I looked at the time on my computer, minutes rather than hours had passed. After an interminable morning, I was finally able to leave the office and rushed home to freshen up, change my clothes and collect the soup.
I went to knock on Rafael's door and found it ajar. I entered his home, found him on his couch reading a book, shirtless, wearing only a pair of boxer briefs. I was speechless and swallowed hard, hoping to give myself a moment to compose myself. My eyes travelled the length of his body and I struggled to contain my desire to take him right then and there. He looked up from his book and smiled brightly.
"Zach! I'm glad you're here!"
"Raf! You look great! Are you sure you're under the weather?"
"I'm actually better than I was this morning."
"I'm glad to hear. Are you ready for some soup?"
"I'd love some. Could you please warm some up for me? There are bowls drying on the dish rack."
"Thanks, Zach, I really appreciate this."
"No worries - it's a pleasure."
I heated the soup and brought the bowl to Rafael. I passed him the bowl and sat down beside him. Watching him eat was better than porn, especially given his appreciative slurps and sighs as he consumed spoonful after spoonful. I couldn't help but smile as the soup quickly disappeared. When he had finished the bowl, I asked if he wanted another one. He shook his head and he placed the bowl on the coffee table. He turned and looked at me and, suddenly, I found myself with my heart in my mouth. I saw a look in his eyes that I had never seen before - vulnerable, but determined. He raised his hand and touched my cheek, drawing my face closer to his. I raised my hand to touch his and brought my lips to his.
Our lips touched, tentatively at first, as if neither of us wanted to break the spell with too sudden a movement. He deepened our kiss and I felt his tongue gently push against my lips, parting them. I drew him closer to me and felt his arms encircle me. Our kisses became deeper, wetter, as we sought to possess each other, speak to each other in a language without words. I felt Rafael's hands on my t-shirt. He lifted off my t-shirt, breaking our kiss. He stood up, taking my hand in his. I followed him to his bedroom and as we crossed the threshold, I closed the door and Rafael turned to me. Neither of us spoke, knowing instinctively what we each wanted.
Rafael removed my boxer briefs, freeing my 8-inch erection from its constraints. Before reciprocating the action, I ran my hand over the front of his briefs. I felt heat radiating from them and touched the wet spot that had formed on the front. I reached in and grasped his 7½-inch, rigid penis, releasing it from its confines. We each stepped out of our underwear and drew together, feeling, for the first time, skin against skin. We kissed each other hungrily, wanting nothing more than to devour each other. Our dicks pressed against each other, becoming slick with the precum flowing from them. Once again, Rafael broke our kiss. He dropped to his knees and encircled the head of my cock with his soft lips. He slowly slid his lips down my throbbing shaft until he had taken half of my cock into his mouth. He then slid his lips up the shaft, running his tongue on the under side of my cock until his tongue licked my piss slit and he tasted my precum.
I bent down and kissed him, sharing the taste with him. He then returned his attention to my cock, taking even more of it into his mouth as he began sucking in earnest. I felt his saliva drip onto my balls and I closed my eyes to savour the feeling of his wet mouth. I placed my hands on the back of his head and thrust even more of my cock into his mouth. He sucked greedily. I pulled back, knowing if I didn't, that I would cum too soon. I raised Rafael up off his knees and, once again, we kissed deeply. We switched positions and I took his shaft in my hand and began licking his balls, inhaling the fragrance of soap and Rafael's own intoxicating scent. I kissed the head of his cock and then opened my mouth to take all of him into me. His coarse pubic hair tickled the tip of my nose as I began sucking him, moving my lips up and down his smooth shaft. I placed my hands on his ass, squeezing his round cheeks as I pushed him deeper into my mouth and down my throat. Rafael began to face fuck me in earnest, holding back nothing. Rafael's cock grew harder in my mouth and I sensed his impending orgasm. I pulled back as Rafael gave one final thrust forward and then first one and then two, three, four spurts of his hot cum filled my mouth. I swallowed repeatedly, not wanting a single drop of his semen to escape. Rafael shuddered and slowly began to withdraw from my mouth, giving me a chance to suck him clean. I kissed Rafael's softening shaft and pubic hair before rising to my feet.
We kissed and then Rafael once again dropped to his knees to take my now aching cock into his mouth. Within seconds, I was ready to cum and I pulled my cock out of Rafael's mouth and began vigorously stroking. Rafael opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, ready to receive my semen. I ejaculated into his mouth and onto his tongue, with the last of the creamy spurts coating his tongue completely. His tongue disappeared into his mouth and I watched as he swallowed my semen. He then returned his attentions to my cock and began coaxing the remaining cum from my shaft to the tip of my piss slit so that he could lick it off. I held onto Rafael's head to steady myself and once I had regained my balance, I raised Rafael up and kissed him. Once again, we embraced, pulled each other closer, not wanting anything to separate us. Rafael's lips moved from mine to my neck and then to my earlobe. He took my earlobe into his mouth and sucked on it. I felt the breath from his nostrils in my ear and then I heard his voice.
"I want you to fuck me. I've wanted you to fuck me for so long."
"I want you, Rafael. I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you." I brought Rafael's mouth to mine and kissed him urgently. Rafael led me to his bed and laid down on his back. I climbed on top of him and we continued our kiss. I kissed his cheeks, his chin and then his throat. He leaned his head back to give me greater access and I kissed his neck before returning to his lips. I moved to his nipples, first his left and then his right, each one responding to my ministrations. I dragged my tongue down his torso, licking and kissing each of his abs. I raised myself up onto my knees and Rafael raised his legs and brought his knees to his ears, exposing his beautiful hairy hole. I kissed and licked each of his ass cheeks in turn, before sliding my tongue to his crack. I swiped my tongue across the length of Rafael's crack, causing him to moan in pleasure. Repeating the motion, I laved saliva around and over his hole before completing the slide of my tongue.
I swirled my tongue around his hole once again, feeling its soft outer ridges, before poking it into the centre. I pushed my tongue into him, tasting his musk, his very essence, for the first time. I could feel Rafael stroking his hard cock, the groans of pleasure coming more and more frequently as I repeatedly thrust my tongue deeper and deeper into his hole. My own cock was rigid and throbbing, yet I could not stop eating Rafael's ass.
"Oh, Zach! Oh, Zach!" Rafael's chant echoed around the room. "Keep eating my ass! It feels so fucking good! Don't stop!" I obeyed Rafael's insistent orders. I withdrew my tongue from his hole and swiped it across his crack before sinking it back into him. His hole was slick with my saliva and I continued to bathe his hole in preparation for my cock. "Fuck me! Fuck me!" Rafael cried out lustily. I lowered Rafael's ass onto the bed. Rafael immediately swiveled himself and began sucking my cock, making it slippery and wet. He then returned to his original position with his back on the bed, his legs up in the air, and spread his ass cheeks, once again exposing his incredible hole.
I aligned the tip of my cock with his hole and began to push in. His hole resisted at first, but then gave way to the pressure. The head of my cock popped into him and Rafael cried out in pain and pleasure. I stopped the breach of his ass to give him a moment to relax and loosen his ass ring's grip on the head of my cock. Breathing deeply, Rafael relaxed and I continued to push steadily into him until he had taken all of me and could feel my pubic hair on his crack. I pulled back and then began to thrust into him. Both of us broke into a sweat and our guttural cries filled the room as we copulated. I began stroking Rafael's cock in rhythm with my thrusts. As my dick pushed deeper and deeper into Rafael, he pushed my hand away from his cock and began jerking his cock rapidly.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum!" Rafael's body tensed suddenly and the first streak of semen shot out of his cock, across his chest and dropped wetly onto him, followed by another and another.
"Aaah!" I yelled as my own orgasm raced through my cock and I spurted volley after volley of cum deep in his ass, filling his channel. I kept fucking him, pushing my semen deeper into him. I stayed inside of him until my cock softened. I slowly withdrew and bent down to suck his now spent cock. I licked the cum off of his belly and chest. When our lips were perfectly aligned, he brought my lips to his and we kissed, our tongues swirling around each other, the taste of his semen in our mouths. Gradually, our kisses became less hectic, more gentle. I laid down beside him and he snuggled up against me. I held him close, feeling the rise and fall of his chest with each breath. I kissed his hair and he looked into my eyes, mischief glinting off of them.
"Again," he smiled, slyly.
"And again," I repeated, laughing.