A Kick To The Heart

Wow, 4 days without Gray. I felt so empty and bored without him. I think about him most of my damn time. Although I will admit... Randy was in between those thoughts. As much as I try to forget that meaningless kiss that we had, I always fail. Randys words flash back to me. He has a crush on me. But for how long?

I finished up my coffee and went out. I let my legs do the walking, I didn't know where I was going. I just needed the fresh air. I needed to get rid of the stress hanging on my back. I walked to our local park, I realized I haven't been here in years! Atleast 7 years ago. Yet, it still looked the same. I sat in the grass and flashed back to the moments I had with my mother and father here at the park. I miss them so much. I quickly shake my parents off my mind. I wanted a stress free moment right now. I forget everything that involves me getting angry or upset. The breeze gave me goosebumps, childhood memories kept popping up... at one point I remembered the swing that I would always sit on when I felt sad or lonely, eventually my mother would show up to rock me back and forth and ask about my day

I stood up from the grass and made my way to the swing. Yeap. Still the same. I sat on it, my feet gently laying on the sand. I dont know why, but a part of me was waiting for my mother to rock me like she used to. I sat there, thinking about how much my life has changed. The thoughts saddened me. I felt a couple of hands push me forward... I didn't bother turning around to check until the third time they rocked me forward. I looked behind me to find a face that I had not seen in quite some time. 'Bad day?', Angelo asked giving a slight grin.

'More like bad year', I say too upset to complain about him rocking the swing. 'May I ask why?', he said as he kept rocking me. 'I would tell you. But it would take years to finish telling you.', I say sighing deeply. He keeps rocking me and I don't stop him. 'Why are you here anyway?', I ask him. 'Hannah and I meet here oftenly.', he says. 'Hmmm so things with you guys are serious?', I ask. 'Yeah... I guess you can say that.', he says chuckling. 'Well you better stop rocking your ex boyfriend, she might get jealous.', I say. We both start laughing. 'I don't think she would mind sharing', he says. I try to figure out if hes joking or not. Regardless, I smile. A while later I decide to get off and Angelo and I chat for a while. In a farther distance I can see Hannah coming. Thankfully Angelo is facing me and I make an excuse to leave before Hannah gets here. But when Hannah does get to Angelo i'm only about 12 feet away... 'Carter!', Angelo shouts. I

turn around and he waves for me to go back.

'This is Hannah', he says. Of course, she's still pretty. 'Hannah, this is Ca-'... 'Yes, I know, we have met twice before sweetie.', she says cutting off Angelo. 'Nice to meet you... again.', she says trying to make a joke out of it. But knowing that I am Angelos 'ex boyfriend', she hated my guts. 'What took you so long?', Angelo asked Hannah while leaning his forehead on her head. 'Ughh, well you know that this park is farther from my house.', she complained. What a whiney bitch. Angelo hugged her. I couldn't explain the awkwardness at this moment. Especially after they started kissing. My blood boiled, but not because I was jealous. But because they made me sit and watch them make out. I was hypnotized by the way Angelo kissed Hannah... so much want, so much passion... I shook the thoughts off my mind. 'Alright alright... lets not forget that Carter is here.', Hannah says breaking up the kisses. 'He must think that we are a slutty couple.', she

said. They both looked at me as if expecting an answer. 'Oh no! Not at all! As a matter if fact, I think you guys are a perfect couple.', I say. 'But you two need your privacy so i'll just leave.', I say getting up. 'Why so soon?', Angelo asks. But he wasn't asking out of curiousity, he knew how uncomfortable I felt seeing them kiss. He smiled. The feeling of punching him in the face was back. 'Well... i've got to call Gray and tell him how my day was today. Then we'll kill eachother by telling eachother how much we love one another.', I say. None of that is false. But I probably exaggerated a tiny bit... to tick Angelo off. And it seemed to have worked because he was giving me a serious gaze. I smiled. I said goodbye and made my way home.

At home, for the first time in ages, I had nothing to do. I sat on the sofa for a while. I thought about taking a nap... and it worked for atleast an hour. Until I heard a loud slam coming from the door. I quickly got up. 'Grandma?', I called out. I heard footsteps... heavy footsteps. I stood in the kitchen doorway, when Angelo popped out. 'Oh! Angelo... you scared the shit out-', he cut me off. 'Why did you stop?', he asked. It wasn't until now that I noticed his eyes were watery. 'Stop what?', I ask. 'Stop chasing me', he said. I was still confused. What the hell did he mean by chasing him? Suddenly, it made sense, he meant when did I stop liking him...

'Ever since I found Gray', I told him. 'Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't have feelings for me.', Angelo told me. I felt his eyes on me even though I was looking at the floor. I choked on my words, 'I d-dont have feelings f-for...', he stopped me. 'If you're gonna TRY to convince me with that tone, you might as well admit to still liking me.', he said laughing. That made me snap. I gained the courage to look him in the eye, 'I don't have feelings for you anymore.', I told him clearly. He stopped laughing and his face expression turned serious. 'That's bull.', he said. I kept my eyes locked on his. He moved forward towards me. Now we were 5 inches away from eachother. 'You say you don't have feelings for me anymore, but you gulp down your saliva every minute like you are eating, your hands are shaking harder than an old fashion alarm clock, and your neck is soaked in sweat.', he said getting closer. 'Why does it matter to you anyway?', I asked bravely. He grinned and before I know it, he smashes our heads together for a kiss.

It's as if my heart explodes. My body is under Angelos control. He sucks on my neck, I try to avoid giggling, but I couldn't help it. He desperately rips my shirt open and kisses my chest. I moan a bit when I feel his tongue slither around my right nipple. I rip his shirt open with all my force and squeeze his biceps while kissing him. He lays his hands on my lower back, they feel like hot metal! I agressively grab his hair while I eat his lips. I'm not sure if he carries me afterwards or if we walk without me noticing, but next thing I know we are laying on the sofa. He opens my legs and lays on top of me, humping me, desperate for the feel of my skin. Thankfully, we are still wearing our jeans when I snap out of his seduction spell. I grab him by his chin and lock his eyes on mine. 'I can't do this to Gray.', I say getting him off me. He sits on the sofa, 'why are you with him when you don't like him?', he asked me. 'Of course I like him!', I say defensively. 'Oh sure you do, that's why we made out together, right?', he said in a mad tone. 'I was just... in a... desperate need of attention.', I make up. He rolls his eyes. 'Look, Angelo, what we did a few minutes ago meant nothing, got it?', I say giving him back his shirt that had loose buttons from where I pulled it forcefully. 'Okay', he said smiling that stupid, yet beautiful, smile. I hate it when he doesn't understand! I annoyingly push him out of my house and slam the door on him before he says anything else. I slap my head several times at the thought of what I had just done. First Randy, now Angelo? What the hell is wrong with me.

I watch t.v for a while, ashamed of what I've done. Why couldn't I break it up sooner damn it?! My thoughts are interrupted quickly after I hear a knock on the door... I head on over to open it, hoping it isn't Randy, or Angelo, or Gray back early from his trip. I open the door...

'I'm baack!', Kim yells ignoring the fact that I'm a feet away from her. 'Back? From where?', I ask curious to know. 'Haha, very funny Carter.', she says sarcastically. 'No... I actually don't know where you are back from.', I tell her. She comes in without me telling her to. 'So you weren't listening when I said I was going on a vacation for two weeks?', she said frusturated. 'Well... no.', I say chuckling. 'Hmmm... so I brought you something for nothing?', she says pretending to be mad. 'On second thought...', I start. She laughs as she hands me a sea shell. 'Wow... this must have cost you a fortune of sea weed.', I joke. 'Well if you don't like it, I can always keep it.', she said as she sat down. 'No, it's nice, i'm sure i'll need it for... hearing the ocean.', I say examining the sea shell. White on the outside and a soft pink on the inside. I don't bother asking where she went, because wherever that was, it was not skin friendly judging by Kims slight tan. 'So... anything new while I was gone?', she asks. I quickly look down and shuffle my feet. She sighs, 'tell me everything.', she says. I tell her about Gray, she gets excited about the idea of me having a boyfriend, until I tell her about Randy and Angelo.

'Oh... that's bad.', she says. 'Yeah... very.', I add. We stay quiet for a moment. 'Well you know what I think?', she tells me. I look at her. 'I think that this Gray guy seems sweet, but I feel like you have a more cheerful tone when you talk about Randy or Angelo.', she says. I get ready to complain and disagree when she stops me. 'And YES, you may hate them at times, but in certain times, you sound peaceful when you talk about them.', she says in her own defense. I think about it. 'Well I gotta go unpack, see you later okay?', she says as she makes her way out the door. She stops. 'That shell has many uses to it', she says smiling. She closes the door on her way out. I lay back on the sofa, feeling guilty for what i've done to Gray right now. And suddenly, I get an idea of how to use the shell. I look for the hole... and take a deep breath and whisper, 'I... I cheated on Gray Andrews.'