This was really, really good! I liked it. Very visual, very tastefully done. The only thing I would have liked to see you write differently was the swift, brutal penetration of Arata. It was all over too quickly. You had spent a lot of time, working the reader up beautifully to that particular moment....And bam....It was over! I just think this story would be perfect if you re-wrote that scene and took the reader through it slowly...Let us, as well as Arata, enjoy it, lol... But like I said, other than that, one of the best stories on here...Well done!
Mitts | 29 Jul 2007
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