dazzaben | 28 Feb 2011

Hey Great Story, Tho I have to agree with Jax Your Grammar does seem to need a bit of work! and when you write the letter I ALWAYS make sure its a Capital Letter. (the letter I should only ever be in lower case if its part of a word).

I also think that you got things in the wrong order because College Student should have been Part2 AND Part1 Should have been College Student, Other then them few hiccups it was a great story!

Jax | 19 Jul 2010

I'm not entirely sure you want con-crit. But, here goes anyway.

I think that it was a very good story, but you need a bit of work on your grammar and spelling. I saw a bunch of errors, that, if fixed, would have the story be so much better. Also, there was quite a bit of melodrama, and to much melodrama can make a story sort of sickening to read, so maybe having it in smaller doses could help with that.

Again, very good story, just needs a tad bit of work.

bob | 16 Jul 2010

that was exciting wish i was joey

Shane | 15 Jul 2010

WOW! That story was inense! I loved it, I followed it since the beggining. Here is my email address, jakmine59@yahoo.com. Please send me an email, I have many questions for you. Thanks!