'You're So Hot': Best. Porn. Dialog. Ever.

Posted by on March 31, 2011 3:01 PM

If you case you're one of the handful of people who missed "You're So Hot", featuring Dave 'Who-could-have-ever-imagined-an-even-hotter-more-muscular-brother' Franco, younger brother to James by seven years and scion to the Franco gene pool, and up-and-coming actor in his own right and Millennial generation character actor Christopher Mintz-Plasse, then you're in luck! We just happen to know a thing or two about cutting and pasting embedding code around Gay Demon and, besides, I think we may have stumbled onto some of the best gay porn dialog, like, evah.

In case your not familiar with the premise, two actors form a duel-like formation (Yes, like as in Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton minus the heavy artillery and powdered wigs) and at a pace apiece, head towards each other uttering sexual inanities until one or the other breaks down. Yes, ridiculous. And utterly fucking hysterical. Listen to these gems of sexual pornology:

Christopher: "I want to pinch your tight, little asshole blue and pretend like I'm fucking your avatar."

Dave lobs back effortlessly, not once missing a beat:

Dave: "Oh, man. You are, like, so fucking sizzle hot. I want Morgan Spurlock to direct a documentary on my life, but instead of eating McDonald's for thirty days straight? I'm going to eat your asshole."

The clincher (no, no pun intended) comes at the end when Franco, in a fuselage of verbal pyrotechnics, penetrates Mintz-Plasse's defenses and steals victory from this risible situation:

Dave: "You wanna know how hot you are? You're so hot, I want to take the extra foreskin of my uncircumcised cock and I want to stretch it and then I wanna press it like silly putty on a freshly printed newspaper to extract the ink. And then I wanna pull it back, and I want you to read it back to me in your best Ralph Fiennes impersonation."

(And our compliments to the writer, too.)