You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of the...virtual world of 3-D gay porn that's sort of life-like, and that you could sort of justify spending $30-a-month if you sort-of wanted this sort of sex. So, if you do, go visit 3dgayworld.com and see tongues so real, you'd shave your anus with a plastic knife for them.
But, of course, this isn't exactly the next stop in the evolution of cinema, either. Animated porn has been around since the beginning of the Internet. In fact, Adult Source Media put out "Pirates Booty" in 2009, billing it as the most realistic CGI event since "Transformers" but what it ended up being was 62 minutes of CGI characters with strange-looking penises that lacked the curvature and detail of the real thing and made me, frankly, a little scared to leave my room for a week. I lived on hot dogs and gobbled down anti-depressants for months afterward.
But what did strike me was how, even in 2011, and even in the exciting world of virtual storytelling which frankly, given the literally limitless possibilities, things still looks remarkably like mainstream porn (familiar sets and bad scripting), sites still feel that they can only be successful by marketing white males. I mean, if I'm going to spend $30 for something and it's not ensuring that I continue to enslave small Asian children in vent-less, smoke-filled factories near polluted bodies of water with my megastore purchases of things I don't need (three cheers for bamboo chimes!), than it damn well better reflect the world around me. Otherwise, I'm taking my money to the nearest mall to buy me some plastic nose clippers with tiny Panda motifs on it.
Are you an illegal alien? Did you download porn onto someone's computer - namely yours - from torrent sites because you like Corbin Fisher's models? Is there a possibility you may have contacted Rosacea in the last six months from your friends or someone they know? Well if you answered 'Yes' to any of these questions, you may be able to resolve your problem for just pennies on the dollar by calling 1-800-CORBIN-SETTLES.
That's right. For a limited time only, Corbin Fisher Enterprises of Florida, The United States has agreed to no more than a $1000 penalty for nefarious acts and skullduggery behind the emperor's back (e.g. peer networking and piracy). If you act by Tuesday, February 08 and pay just 1000 steamed mussels to the CBE Network, you will not only absolve yourself of further legal fines and penalties, but, you will gain entrance into the CBE Network Gold Producer's Circle which includes unlimited caviar in the Corbin Fisher Enterprises' Lounge and champagne throughout Mardi Gras courtesy of Chevron subsidiary, Applebees.
Brian Dunlap, their C.O.O., seemed resigned yet bitter:
"Despite the fact that these people are stealing from us, we wanted to give them a chance to admit their mistakes and move on."
But not before they pay that one thousand dollars and gain access to a world heretofore unimaginable in the Corbin Fisher Gold Producer's Circle: luxury DVDs, model's leftover soda cans, ash, residual flame-retardant materials. It's all there and more. But you have to call first at 1-800-CORBIN-SETTLES.
Well, good news for all you bisexual sex lovers. Corbin Fisher launched his newest site last week - GuysGoneBi.com - and this can only mean one thing: more jobs for white Americans! That's right, with a staggering number in the millions, unemployed white Americans (Corbin's second favorite demographic after gay, white Americans) are able and ready to go back to work. And if that means in the lucrative world of bisexual porn, well, so be it! (I'm just kidding. I get it. It wouldn't be 'white' porn if they hired the blacks.)
Actually, biting sarcasm masking as social commentary aside, a couple of interesting things have emerged. Chief Operations Officer Brian Dunlap noted this:
"Our research found that many bisexual consumers wanted access to the content we provide. Yet, they shied away from traditionally 'gay' sites. This site allows them to enjoy our content and give us a chance to reach a whole new audience."
In other words, they're embarrassed to be associated with the gay side of their sexuality. What else would keep them off a site that routinely features the same sorts of men - some of the finest specimens the human race has to offer - that they will eventually pay to see having sex with other guys from said site?
Hey, I was born at night but I wasn't born last night. (Or even the night before that.)
The other interesting thing I happen to notice was the price. Most sites of Fisher's caliber routinely charge between $24.95 and $29.95 a month and this site will start at $19.95 and then drop down to $17.95 every month thereafter. So what makes that interesting? Well, for one, the demand for bisexual sex is considerably smaller. So if you know in advance that you're going to have a small slice of the pie, why would you sell yourself short?
Face it, we're men and we like our toys. In this case, our sex toys. Now if you happen to be mostly heterosexual - as the speaker is in this push for sex toys for men from SexToy.com - then you may not quite find expressions like "anal beads" as titillating as you might otherwise - and especially if we could find a way to cut women completely out of the picture.
But a friend in the Sex Toy Industry suggested I write a piece about sex toys and I realized that a sex toy story for men - with the intention of getting mainly woman to use them on them - was probably one best left the people who write them and it, fellow homoists, it was very enlightening.
It appears that men do share certain traits when listed as those that arouse: tightness and wetness. And devices, whether they are shaped like assholes, vaginas or sheep, they all tend to be built around the same platform: a handheld (often vibrating) flashlight-sized device made with the sole intent to enhance orgasm. And that's fine if you want to lug around an electric carry-on for a rabbit to get off, but I have yet, in all my research found one man to tell me with a straight face that his best orgasm is the one he gives himself.
But, wait; there's more. Men are completely open to have their butts whatever-ed but they have to know that it's worth dealing with any "ick" factor to get to. (Boys not getting past their poo-poo issues. Whatever.) Many men will tell you that having your prostate stimulated while reaching orgasm brings exponentially more pleasure. Duh!
So why do some guys get all don't-you-be-fucking-with-my-masculinity-about-it?
Anyhow, don't be surprised if you recognize some of the suggestions - you know you've tried them, don't lie - and notice how "effeminate" was equated with bad sexual feelings if you were a boy at one time.
(What you're looking at there is the "Futurotic Penis Extender" which sells for nine dollars and thirteen cents and it promises to do what, I don' t know. But for some, it's the difference between goodnight and goodbye.)
The 11 Annual XBiz Award Nominees - the gay ones - were announced and you can bet your industry ink there's excitement in the air as one of the biggest mainstream projects- XBiz - announced who is vying for the evening's top prize. In the who's who of mainstream gay porn video production: Michael Lucas ("Passion") Hothouse ("Sanctuary 1 & 2"), Falcon ("INNtrigued"), Mustang ("Depths of Desire"), Raging Stallion Studios ("Brutal" as well as "Tales of The Arabian Knights"), Channel 1 Releasing/All Worlds ("Grand Slam: Little League 4"), Lucas Kazan ("Rough/Tender"). The list goes on..
And all the directors you first think of when you think of the mainstream porn industry are there: Michael Lucas (with Mr. Pam), The Chris's: Steele and Ward. Tony DiMarco, Brian Mills, Steven Scarborough. (There's a director named 'Jonno' I'm not familiar with and who doesn't seem to appear anywhere else. But I once wrote for and with an editor about the sex business named 'Jonno.' Could it be?)
I digress.
There are a few other categories - 'Best Studio,' 'Best Performer of The Year,' 'Best Website of The Year,' 'Best Affiliate Program' and 'Best Web Company'. Deservedly, Dominic Ford did particularly well this year having been nominated in the final three categories. Michael Lucas (and not including actors in his studio, like Jonathan Agassi or Adam Killian who were both nominated for 'Best Performer of The Year') swept the nominations with seven , one in every single category. Burt Lancaster doesn't have that kind of record.
Awards have taken on a sort of ironic tone with the addition of some many of them. But the gay porn industry needs the recognition so until that changes, it's black tux and bow ties, here we come. (Via: GayPornGossip.com)
If you've been as busy pushing old ladies with portable oxygen tanks out of the way at shopping plazas as I have, you'll know that December is one insane and crazy mofo! I mean, really! WTF? The last time I was this busy, I was hashing out license plates in El Paso one incarcerated summer with guys with names like 'Lobo' and 'Paco.' (We went on to develop "problematic" relationships, btw.) So, I guess what I'm saying is I simply have more porn to consume than orifices to consume it with. But I digress.
Naked Sword's original series, "Golden Gate," features a Guantanamo's Bay of gay porn stars and hotness rolled into moist, puffed pastries of I don't know what, but I'd help myself to seconds. (Oxygen tanks be damned!) In episode two, "The Island of Lost Toys," directed by Jessie Garcia, something big is about to happen between Argentinean and Raging Stallion Studios' exclusive D.O and British-born Kennedy Carter. But it is the interviews which I wish were either longer or were shown somewhere like YouTube (read: free) in a longer format, than I mined gold. For example, Carter accused D.O. of saying "dirty" things to try and trip him up on his lines, while D.O. countered that he was merely being "hot!" So what was said? (Sorry, D.O saying he hurls baby seals off of earth-moving equipment still won't change my mind. I'm just saying. There's a thing there.)
In the episode three interview - "Self-Service" with Dayton O'Connor and Rusty Stevens (I know, you're sure you slept with him), we find, after being asked what they like personally about San Francisco, that Rusty is shocked by how uneventful how he chooses to express himself on any given day is. Oh, and how easy is it to cruise. While Dayton realized he had found a home for his really tight tee-shirts.
There's more of course. Episode 4, "The Beach House,"stars Jeremy Bilding, Trente Locke and Christian Wilde, has its own interview and I would encourage you to watch that one as well.
I know, I know, not another essay on up-and-coming Japanese artists living in France who utilize the 'Western' method?? Couldn't you just vomit? How early mid-decade was that! The thing is, this artist is Twotom, a Japanese illustrator who lives in France and paints erotically charged pictures with a distinctly Western sensibility (Did I see something from Alice in Wonderland just now?) and rewards his viewers with some deft touches.
Take what I'm now calling 'Illustration With Eunuch With Carrot In Ass.' You can clearly see the European touches in Twotom's Marquis de Sade-ish costumery and the European facial structure. I, on the other hand, choose to see the courtesan's bulge and the Eunuch's shapely behind. And while this doesn't necessarily make me an animal in a sexual freak show, it also doesn't confer upon me any special insights on Contemporary Japanese Art.
"I can easily recognise whether it was drawn by an artist based in Europe or not because it inevitably has a strong European aesthetic. In my opinion, Twotom's work is refined, and has elegance and humor. I think that he will prosper if he expands his art projects into the Japanese market."
Take another example, what I'm now calling 'Illustration With Terrier Fetish.' In it, a string of Kubrick-esque dick/ball toys litter the floor of some Bohemian den of inequity where a man sporting a French poodle for a hat is being charmed with a woman in her own extrapolation of a terrier costume right out a chicks-who-like-donkeys flick. (Did I mention the men's candle holders?) It's just one more example of how even in an essay on something you know absolutely nothing about, you can still have something to say about men's penises.
Now that Thanksgiving is a distant, gauzy and horrible memory once more (yay, we get to slaughter an animal the size of big pillow!) and a sufficient level of my cholesterol has shrunk in size that it can now be dealt with successfully on mere dialysis, I want to raise an issue that has probably crossed many of your minds at some point in your gay porn travels: Why DO Japanese men have a fixation on the pectoralis major muscle group?
I know it would be terribly unscientific of me to categorize an entire nation's sexual tastes based on one cheaply made scene from a Japanese gay porn but forgive me while I do exactly that. I mean, do I need to trot out anything more than a casual observation - specifically from this clip - to suggest that Japanese gay porn puts a much higher premium on chest play than, say, Americans do? And why is that? I wouldn't want to suggest that it's more feminized - caressing, kissing, etc. a breast - or that somehow the Japanese have integrated their genders better, but it definitely lacks that aggressiveness we Americans have come to appreciate it in, say, our, "Saw" videos.
In fact, entire industries in Japan are built around the entire nipple/sphincter axis probably because a) it feels so fucking good for the models and, in turn, for the viewers and b) arousing one's thorax doesn't quite have the same sexual humph most viewers are looking for. But the Japanese have mastered the whole chest fixation in a way that few countries have mastered, say, steel or farm-raised Tilapia.
I've actually always kind of liked that: chest play. For one, it's kind of hot. There's something so staged about sex in gay porn anyway that it's nice to see two guys - or even a group of guys - enjoy a little something before the show. It also helps the actors involved by bringing in one more tool in the foreplay arsenal not to mention most guys like to have their nipples sucked on. I mean, that is what they're for, right? Sucking?
So while they aren't exactly the founders of gay sex, they can definitely boast - at least in this video - that chest play is theirs for the taking.
(This opus on Japanese nipple play is dedicated to Leslie Nielsen, 1926-2010, a man known to have loved to have his nipple tweaked on occasion.)
When I was in high school a lot of guys used to call me a " Grade- A Cock Sucker" as a put down, but over the years I have come to realize that, what they were really doing was paying me a HUGE compliment!
Even though I had never sucked any of their cocks, (I would have liked to have had my way with more than a few of them!) I think that if I had been given the chance to do it now I would have been very, but I mean very popular with the boys!
There are several ways to suck a cock and a good blow job can send you to gay heaven and beyond but a bad one can make your cock as limp as lifeless as Cheryl Cole's hair.
So how do you give a good blow job? Well, here and now I will give you 5 quick tips that will take your cock sucking experience from o.k to OMFG!
1. Lube the cock up and start off with a simple massage.
2.Work the cock to attention and when fully erect, hold the shaft of the cock with one hand while the other continues to slide up and down the schlong.
3. Once you reach the head, lightly squeeze the head as though you squeezing a lemon with a juicer. (Apply pressure but this is depending on how hard your partner likes it!)
4. Continue to slide your hand up and down his cock and when you reach the head wrap your lips around his head and do the "bobbing for apples" move. Up and down now with hands and mouth, trust me your mouth will be full of the sweet taste of man-spunk before you know it! (One important note: NEVER USE TEETH!, NEVER!)
5. Finally, always keep one hand on the shaft and if you are really feisty you can give the testicles a cheeky pull, LIGHTLY, when he is about to spew his load.
There! I have passed on the wisdom like an old, dried up hooker on her dying bed! If you master this skill, your gay will never, ever stray cos you will know that no one suck cock quite like you!
It appears that men do share certain traits when listed as those that arouse: tightness and wetness. And devices, whether they are shaped like assholes, vaginas or sheep, they all tend to be built around the same platform: a handheld (often vibrating) flashlight-sized device made with the sole intent to enhance orgasm. And that's fine if you want to lug around an electric carry-on for a rabbit to get off, but I have yet, in all my research found one man to tell me with a straight face that his best orgasm is the one he gives himself.
