I didn't make this but I still apologize. The last thing I want you to do is "JAKE IT OFF" because it sounds like that would be painful. I'm bracing for the Hugh Jackman version, which would include the equally confusing phrase "HUGH JACKMAN IT OFF" (also in some modern typeface to attempt to give it class and style).

If you are desperate to see Jake's junk, try taking a picture of it while he's peeing. Though the last time someone tried that he got super angry and camera-grabby. But being yelled at by Jake Gyllenhaal would be hot. It'd be just like you were his butler.

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