Now that former U.S. President Jimmy Carter "stands behind," the idea of having a gay President, as Advocate.com put it so deftly, I guess it's safe for all of us to come out of the We're-Down-With-A-Gay-Dude-As-President closet and look past his or her eventual election to see just what a gay Presidency might look like.

For one, you know looking in-shape will be completely back in vogue. If we, the gay, the proud, the few are going to have our very own, first gay President, there is no way in. hell. that he or she (but I'll say he) is going to be chunky, inappropriate or hungry-looking in a do-you-have-any-more-gruel sort of way. Our gay President is going to be broad-shouldered and firm and relaxed and ready to bitch slap Iran. He'll know the names of Island getaways and the best bruschetta in Italy and how to seduce France into a blowjob. (They'll deny it, of course.)

Personally, it's hard for me to believe that we'll have a gay President in the running in 2016, but you just never know. I mean, it's easy to forget but the two candidates running in the U.S. Democratic Primary in 2008 were a woman and a black man and I didn't think I'd see that when I did.

But one has to wonder what sort of questions the press would ask a gay candidate versus, say, a Latino one? Have you ever smoked someone's pole? Have you ever watched gay porn? From what studios? Is Cadinot fabulous or what?? It'll happen, for sure, but other things will need to come first before Americans turn over the keys to the White House to a fabulous 40, 50 or 60-something. Like, I don't know, legislating the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. After all, if you can still fire gays, the argument goes, why hire "'em?"

Personally, I'd love to see a President Taylor Lautner.


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