Wow, it was really hard to get all these male celebs in the same jpg together. A lot of complex scheduling, not to mention meeting all their diva-like demands. Specifically:
- Jon Hamm demanded Pantene Pro-V Conditioner for his chest hair and that his white jock perfectly match his white socks. No off white for Mr. Hamm!
- Zachary Quinto demanded a toilet to puke in. Anything for that lean and logical figure.
- Chris Hemsworth demanded to be brutally spanked. It's his thing.
- Chris Pine demanded we watch a marathon of motorcycle cop show CHiPS. His father played Sergeant Getraer. What a weird request and what a formulaic show. It's no King Lear.
- Darren Criss demanded we make sure he has a career after Glee. We couldn't guarantee that but he stuck a toy up his butt anyhow. It's a living.
- Joe Manganiello demanded tanning salon coupons and near constant head. Plus Peanut M&Ms. What a freak! Why not Charleston Chews, Joe? Why not Charleston Chews!?
- John Stamos demanded the adoration of millions of 47 year old women. And he got it.
- Ryan Reynolds demanded to be the director of Fleshjack: The Motion Picture. It will be an edgy romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock as Pam, a lowly CEO, Ryan Reynolds as Fleshjack, a man with silicone hands, and Al Pacino as Al Pacino. Plus a special guest appearance by Shelley Long as Fleshjack's mom. You actually get to see her give birth to Fleshjack.
And that is exactly how ridiculous celebrity fakes are. But ridiculous things can still be hot, if you're in on the joke and desperately horny. And like most creative work, these say more about the creator than the subject.
Don't see the celeb you want represented? Then DIY. All you need is Photoshop (or some cheaper counterpart), a male celeb who just refused to get really naked, 37 minutes, and a dream. Just please match the skin tone of the face to the rest. Or if you can't do that so well, choose a clothed pic and Photoshop a dick sticking out of the fly. That way, people will totally believe Chris Pratt is posing on the red carpet with an exposed boner. Oh wait, it's Chris Pratt. He'd probably actually do that.