If Joan Rivers and Joey Fatone mated then their instantly adult spawn went to the mall to get a blow out at Supercuts and an ear piercing at a kiosk in the food court then a tanker truck filled with Axe Body Spray drowned a spider which came back to life after being exposed to tanning bed radiation and then that spider bit the guy on the lower lip which gave him a hardon he needed to show everyone and the superpower of eyebrow hypnosis, then that all would be how this guy happened.
As for the turtle tattoo, he loves turtles. Not everything is complicated.
But what I want to know is what's in his shirt pocket? I'm hoping a key to his heart.