If Christmas memories filled with hand-cut paper snowflakes and multi-colored lights adorning your windows, neighborhood carolers gently singing traditional songs outside your front door and good cheer wafting in the air like roasted chestnuts are your thing, you might want to poop now then throw three extra shots of Valley Gut Bourbon into the Henderson's "holiday" punch because our next act isn't family friendly at all. I don't mean as in "our" family, I mean as in your family with your straight 8-year-old daughter who still may think Christmas is a special time of year free from yellow snow and not just one stained glory hole after another, like I do.

Well, there actually is a musical, what, inspiration dedicated to the Glory Hole and their "Gloryhole-alujah Choir" performs flawlessly in this classic glory hole medley from yesteryear. Who can forget "Gloria-ia-ia, In Excelcius Deo. ("Christ, dear Lord, get a load of that thing.") Or that endearing American national anthem, "Mine eyes hath seen the glory of the coming of the hole..." ("Glory, glory hole-ulujah.") There's even the modern, dance hit, "Gloria." ("Glory hole, everybody wants you.") It's a play on words so big, only a series of multiple glory holes seems capable of siphoning off the correct answers.

At its core, of course, it's a musical parody on the glory hole, that important interior design element of any bathroom or gay meeting place where all sorts of crab-like contagion fetes. But - and this is where I get serious and the lights dim ever so noticeable - glory holes are American, America, and if you haven't had your dick sucked through a glory hole whether it be at a truck stop, club basement or someone's neighborhood bakery, well, shit, you owe it to yourself to watch this groundbreaking musical history to the glory hole and remember: Glory to the Hole.


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