Sometimes there's nothing wrong with a little tease, provided that it leads somewhere. It's fun when your boyfriend or a potential sex partner gives you a little flash of flesh in a public place so you can anticipate having him for lunch just minutes later. It's also fun to work a guy up instead of going straight for the crotch or bunghole in record time. But when it comes to porn, sometimes there is teasing that leads nowhere, and it really pisses me off.

Case in point, for those of you who admire selfsuckers, you will understand exactly what I'm about to describe. Whether in professionally produced porn or on an amateur Web site, sometimes there are dudes who are flexible enough to suck their own dicks, and the director might encourage them to give a demonstration.

So, the model gives himself a few licks with a giggle, and you as the viewer are devastated and start drooling like a dog. But more often than not, that's all you're gonna see of that particular sexual act, so it leaves you frustrated that there's this model with this amazing talent, and he ain't gonna show ya much of it. I have seen this over and over again. BJ Slater is another example, one of the hottest porn stars in history with a beautifully mammoth cock that's a real choker. In one, count it, one film, he licks his dick a little bit while sucking another guy, and that's the only auto fellatio footage of him that's ever been made (to my knowledge). Why didn't someone like Edward James say, 'Whoah, dude! We need you in one of our auto fellatio vids!' Ultimately this comes down to me pissing and moaning about being teased because I'm greedy and want things to be delivered all the way, my way, all the time. But I think most pornhounds are greedy by nature. There's no such thing as 'enough' when it comes to porn. There's always new territory to cross.

I get a similar frustrated feeling in porn when there's a dude with an amazingly gorgeous huge cock (I'm talking picture-perfect here) who is a bottom, and his partner in the scene doesn't so much as glance at that monster. So while I'm wishing that this mega-pretty meat is gonna get sucked or worked over somehow, instead the guy just heaves his ass up in the air for a good fucking, and if we're lucky we might get to see him squeeze out a load. It makes no sense to me to have a monster cock on screen that makes viewers' swoon, only to have it misused and barely seen because the other dude in the scene is a top who doesn't suck dick. Solution: cast someone in the scene who will suck that bad boy instead of turning his back on it.

Here's another thing, a bit of a stretch I know, but what the fuck. Ever been watching a scene in which someone is jacking off a really hot stud with a great dick? So they're jacking and stroking and twitching and screaming, and you think, 'Oh yeah, he's gonna jack that guy off all the way until cum sprays the ceiling!' But alas, no, it doesn't happen that way. At the last second, the dude being jacked off takes over the duty himself, the camera abruptly cuts, and we get a typical poorly framed cum shot that is nowhere near as exciting as the build-up. I don't know why, but a lot of dudes in porn don't like being jacked off to completion by someone else (or are incapable of it). Conversely, guys in European porn love jacking each other off all the way. You see a lot of that in Bel Ami vids and other Euro companies, but not nearly as much in American porn (except for those nasty vids with dirty old men jacking off straight guys; *urp*).

I'm all for a good tease, but dammit, I hate being given a glimpse of something that gets ya rock hard, and then it goes away forever for unknown reasons. It's no different than a solo scene of a guy jacking off where it gets hotter and hotter and the boy is getting louder and louder and you think that he's gonna squirt all over the place any second'until there is a cut and the cum shot gets botched. Yeah, that's worth it, huh? There is no solution to this dilemma because it's going to happen from time to time, but I just felt the need to rant about it 'cause I know at least one of you feels my pain. Until next time, go ahead and give someone a tease, but be sure to deliver the goods, will ya? You don't dangle a piece of tuna in front of a cat and then run away with it, do you? Or do you, ya sick bastard? 



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