Straight men have assholes and some of their assholes are innies, as in houses of penetration. Now some of these straight guys are (cover your ears) into being fucked by women. As in femdoms or milfs or just your everyday fourth wave feminists who want to stick it in. But other straight guys want full on real cock up their holes. For money or just because if feels good or they really want to get into a frat. And to these men, I say "Shut up and take it."

Let us pause to remind ourselves that sexual behavior is not the same as sexual orientation. And thank goodness or a good portion of the gay guys out there would have gotten on the hetero train and never been able to get off at the Homoville stop just owing to a high school dalliance with a young lady.

I've seen enough horrible episodes of Tyra's now cancelled talk show to know that everyone has an asshole and getting fucked can feel good no matter your chromosomal makeup. Seriously, she had dozens of episodes on straight men getting fucked. Okay, just one on gay for pay dudes, but to her credit, it felt like the episode lasted for hours.

Seriously, can we stop calling it gay for pay? How is a guy marketed as a straight guy (and who is a straight guy) being gay for pay by having sex with a guy? Maybe if he was paid to get a Bachelor's degree in LGBT Studies at San Francisco State University, then I'd consider him gay for pay. At least it would be intellectually stimulating. Like if he was failing and needed to be tutored by the big gay on campus and then his pants fell off and, um, where was I?

So if you're going to fuck a straight guy, I would suggest that you wait until he asks for it instead of full-on seducing him into it. You want him totally sober to reduce any chance of regrets. And remember, no means no. And yes means are you sure.

Why don't you pick up a copy of Songs to Fuck Straight Men By featuring "Slide In" by Goldfrapp, which is totally what I listened to while writing this. Or if you're old school go for "Into the Groove" by Madonna. And when getting into s straight man's groove, use plenty of lube. Afterwards you can watch football. That way he won't feel so alone having bent over for you.

P.S. Apparently straight boys who are broke sometimes have broke straight boys orgies. It's a thing.

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