If you're not familiar with deadpan Conan O'Brien show producer Jordan Schlansky, then know that he's a deadpan Conan O'Brien show producer. And he has fast become the most fastidious person in the world. He'd call Martha Stewart sloppy. 

Basically, he's annoying as fuck, but maintains to be a grim-faced good sport through Conan's target practice on his quirks. In this case, the rather mainstream quirk of manscaping.

Conan manages to work in two Jordan selfies that could fit in on most gay selfie sites. Jordan's straight (as shown in another video where Conan tries to teach Jordan how to have game. You know when Conan's teaching you that, you're in trouble.

Except, confession, Jordan is totally physically hot. Though he could stand to smile on camera at least once. Though that would be counterproductive to the schtick and his teeth are likely so blindingly white the camera would crack.

Just imagine him as a dom, turning his self-imposed lifestyle onto you. It wouldn't be enough that you "drop and give him 20" pushups, but you'd have to do them while wearing workout gear that is the exactly correct fabric blend, while staying hydrated wth ionized water from one of Jupiter's moons. The organic, bespoke moon.

And if you do it wrong you'll have to suck his potentially manscaped genitals. Yeah, he didn't answer Conan's repeated questions on that. Meaning the answer is yes. Oh Jordan, marry me! My wedding gown can match your glorious teeth.


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