That's right, Big Dipper's a bearmaid (bear/mermaid). Or is it merbear? Either way, the scales and hair are going to be tough to get out of the carpet.

Let me break down the plot for you. There's not plot. There are, however, muscle guys dancing and prancing in the sand and lusting about Big Dipper. Or are they lusting after his wig? It's really hard to tell with all these sexually liberated dancing queens nowadays.

I desperately want to live on a fake beach set though. Seriously I want a fake sun, even fake seagull crap. Fake sand is the closest I'll ever get to diamonds, since it's all silica. And fake seagull crap is the closest I'll ever get to being the Republican Presidential nominee, no matter how hard I try. Wasn't I awesome at the most recent debates? I was the one who was saying intelligent, culturally sensitive, all-inclusive things and presenting genuine plans for improving this country and the world.

Not sure any of my stuff made it to air though. But they can't stop me from vibin' (not to be confused with vibing, which involves vibrators).

What's your political position on vibrators? Mine is insertive with a dash of bouncing up and down. On the whole, my political platform is about the hole. And also the other hole. A lot of holes. All the time. For humanity. Thank you for your support.

I think Big Dipper will be performing at my inauguration. I better reserve the biggest room at the bathhouse now. Winning the Presidency deserves more than a locker. It's the highest end sleaze pit for me and my supporters!

Check out more Big Dipper music, because musical bears is not just a gay Bar Mitzvah party game anymore.

And he may or may not have XXX roles in Bear Films flicks. Which are the only kind of role in a Bear Films flick.

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