Something for the Weekend: A Reason to Eat at Arby's

Someone is sure taking Arby's "We Have The Meats™" slogan very seriously. Sure they have a metric ton of sandwiches, everything from brisket and ham to chicken and bacon to swordfish and buffalo. Okay, not the swordfish and buffalo. But they do have a Snack 'n Save® menu, perfect for the carnivore on a budget. Still, until that moment some enterprising horndog put dick on the Arby's menu, I wasn't interested.

And how considerate to offer a large drink to wash it all down and cleanse the palate, a sort of "cum chaser" that's the perfect cap to an under-the-table blow job. Perusing their menu, perhaps it's a Boylan Ginger Ale to settle the stomach. Or an Orange Cream Shake to make things much, much worse.

McDonald's better get in on this action. They're just not popular among Millennials (normally not a health-conscious group). So their solution is to add kale to the menu. And to simplify the menu. The only simplification I need is to add dick to the menu and get rid of everything else. Except maybe get rid of most of of the seating and fill the space with a maze of private bathrooms. Turn McDonald's in a chain of 18+ sex clubs, which also does the job of eliminating complaints about their unhealthy food being marketed to children via Happy Meals.

Hell, you could make people eat kale as a price of entry. Leafy greens between your teeth would be like an entry stamp. It's like holding out the promise of dick to make somebody eat something healthy like kale or a carrot. Pretty much that classic image of a donkey being lead around by a carrot attached to his head just out of reach. Seriously, guys are super hypnotized by dick lust. May as well use it for some common good.

So I look at this fast food pervert as a champion of public health. Because, as the Surgeon General of the United States says "When you have a dick in your mouth, you're not eating high fructose corn syrup. For a few minutes anyhow." Yes, the Surgeon General totally says that exactly.

Now I have to email Arby's because the menu section of their website has omitted dick for some reason. Their site is obviously broken. Brisket isn't exactly brain food.