This week we conclude our exploration of Internet chatters, the kind that drive us batty! I've left the most frustrating for last, the kind that every one of us has dealt with at one time or another. Let's continue'

The Flake

Who hasn't dealt with a flake online, huh? These are the dudes who can't ever follow through on anything. They'll set up a date, only to cancel at the last minute and re-schedule. And just before the re-scheduled date, they'll blow that one off, too. Or, they just won't show up at all. This is a variation of a typical player who is essentially just jacking you off and then stopping right before ya cum. They have no intention of actually meeting, be it for sex or just hanging out as friends. I suspect this is the type of person who doesn't ever finish anything and takes winged flight from one brief interest to the next. The nice thing is, you can usually spot a flake within seconds and immediately move on.

The Conditional Cunt

This the bitter, whiny, bitchy little twerp who layers his profile with a lot of negative buzz words. He'll write a page and a half about who he does not want to talk to. He's got a long list of conditions which often don't make sense. At one point he'll indicate that he's looking mostly for friends and not interested in sex, yet he only wants to talk to people who are a certain height or weight, a certain hair color, or a certain body type. Odd that one would be so concerned with physical appearance if sex isn't involved. When you read a profile written by someone who bitches and moans and says, 'If you're like this or that, don't talk to me! If you don't like dancing, don't talk to me! If you're in another country, don't talk to me!' They spend so much time describing everything they hate that you begin to wonder if they like anything. If someone truly has the intention of harmless chat, establishing conditions or rules as to who you will or will not talk to is just insipid. Besides, anyone that blacklists people because they're shorter than six feet or don't have blonde hair should be pistol whipped with a rotting fish.

The Hider

This is one of the two saddest creatures who live, and I mean live on the Internet. This is the person who has no self worth and has the balls of a field mouse. This is the person who will go into a chat room and act like a raving asshole, lecturing everyone on how stupid they are and acting like an authority on life. This is the person who hides behind the protection of a computer monitor where nobody can fight back and nobody can identify the assailant. This is the person who doesn't have the gumption to walk up to someone in real life and say what they think. They can only express their anger and ugliness in a chat room where there are no rules of conduct and no chance of being spotted on the street. These are gutless turds who feed on insulting others for their own pleasure. I have no tolerance for this sort of behavior. If you use the Internet as your own personal verbal hand grenade, you really need to take a look at the mirror and find out why you're such a prick.

The Cripple

This is the most disturbing chatter of all. This is the individual who was raised by the Internet and other technologies. This is the person who cannot form a cohesive thought or sentence. They seem only able to communicate in a chat or blog format. As an example, I can think of a young man who really didn't have the balls or ability to express his feelings to another person by voice. The only way he could say what he felt was to do so online in his diary or in a chat setting. This is incredibly pitiful. People like this are practically wired to their computer, attached at the joints. Real life seems to have no meaning to them. Everything must be transmitted online, and consequently, they cannot maintain relationships, friendships, employment, or even some of the most basic human functions because no one bothered to teach them. What they have learned has been gained only from the Internet, and that's a helluva handicap.

These individuals are crippled socially, mentally and emotionally. They are lost in all those wires and motherboards and hard drives, and they have no sense of direction. Oh, they may have aspirations, but they lack a grounded sense of reality, so all of their ambitions tend to be bloated and highly fantastical. I have met far too many people like this who have poor relationships with everyone around them because they simply don't know how to function as a human being in nature. This is not to say that the Internet is responsible for their handicap. In most cases like this, the individual has some sort of mental illness or affliction that contributes to their problems. The Internet only makes it worse, allowing them to thrive in a phony universe full of false faces and fantasies that ultimately add up to nothing. It is unfortunate that they weren't given more care and attention by their elders who, instead, dropped them in front of the computer and said, 'Have fun, son!'

I hope you've found this 4-part series on Internet chatters interesting and personally relevant in your own experiences. Whether you're an occasional chatter or an addict, always remember that, when it comes to human interaction and human truth, the Internet is not reality and it never will be. It is a distorted reflection of our reality, and with any distortion there must be discernment and care of interpretation. I fear a day when the Internet will become an entity unto itself like the HAL-9000 computer, and that one day we'll all be taking orders from this massive hard drive in the sky. Ten years ago we all would have laughed at this concept. But now, is it really so outlandish? You decide.


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