In our continuing exploration of Internet chat personalities, we begin with'

The Long Distance Dreamer

Looking for love on the Internet is rather like looking for gold in a bowl of Cheerios. Nevertheless, anything is possible, and for those who aren't part of the club scene or who may not be social animals, the Internet can be an effective way to strike initial matches with people they might not meet otherwise. If used merely as a starting point with the intent to soon meet in person, looking for love on the Internet is not a totally insane idea if you have yourself grounded and keep in mind that 4 out of 5 guys are full of shit. There is a breed of dreamers that are really not grounded, however.

If you've visited any chat rooms with a theme of love or relationships, you've no doubt run into the cute little Asian boys who are always looking for love with an older gent in the United States. I cannot tell you how many times I and those I know have been bombarded by private messages by lonely and poor individuals in the Philippines or Korea or China who are desperately in need of a great white hero to take them away from their misery. Personally, I love Asian culture and certainly have been attracted to a number of Asian hotties, and I do not wish to indicate that all Asians are shopping for husbands online. But from my experience, there is a high number of them who are totally unrealistic and believe that they can maintain long distance relationships with Americans, even if they never meet in person! And they don't give up easily. I've had to block messages from several chatters who, no matter how many times I tell them I don't want a long distance relationship, will continue messaging me and begging, literally begging, for me to love them. It's sad, and I certainly sympathize, but good God, at some point you have to grow up and realize that only you can save yourself.

The harsh reality is that many of these boys do not have a tourist visa, and if you want to meet 'em, you're gonna have to go to them. Hmmm. That's a looong and expensive trip for someone you know very little about. Any potential relationship should have balance on either side. If you're doing all the traveling and all the expense-paying and all the necessary work to make someone from another country legal in the U.S. or elsewhere, that's rather one-sided, ain't it? To these love-starved Asian boys I say, it's okay to seek what you desire, but don't beg people to save you. People are not attracted to desperation.

The Momenteer

The Momenteer lives only in the moment and thinks not of yesterday or tomorrow. These are the individuals who will chat with you for hours one day, and maybe you're thinking that you've established a meaningful connection, that maybe this person could become a good friend or lover. And the next day when you run into them in the chat room, they have absolutely no idea who you are or the fact that you've ever spoken. These are the same individuals who hand out their e-mail addresses like candy even though they never intend to write back to you. To the Momenteer, you are merely time filler, a vessel of talkiness to pass the minutes or hours until they move on to the next brief and fleeting interest. The Momenteer really has nothing to offer you, and the fact that he has no memory capacity should tell you that you shouldn't expect anything of substance out of him.

The One-Sider

The One-Sider is incredibly frustrating. This is the individual who sends you a private message to initiate conversation because, one would assume, this individual is interested in you based on something in your profile or your pic. The bitch of it is that the One-Sider cannot maintain a conversation unless you carry for it him. They have the nerve to message you and get something started, but they really don't have anything to say and soon you're carrying the conversation in balance with their one or two-word answers. These are the same types who take way too long between message responses until it becomes boring on your end. Lesson to be learned: if you're going to message someone, have something to say. If you don't have anything to say, stay in your corner.

The Instant Coffee Man

This is the man who wants instant gratification and just can't wait for a coffee pot to percolate. This is the man who goes into a love and relationships chat room and says, 'Okay, I'm looking for my husband. Where is he?' It's as if they're online shopping for a partner and expect potential mates to drop out of the sky and proudly announce their availability. The other type of Instant Coffee Man is the dude who goes online looking for a sex hook-up. He'll take anyone, anywhere, any time, with little or no consideration to any details. He won't read a single word of your profile, so he naturally begins the conversation with the usual stupid questions on size and 'what are you into?'. These are tedious men who likely have an attention deficit problem. Anything worthwhile doesn't happen instantly. If it does, it will likely be short-lived and unmemorable.

Next week, we'll conclude this rant about the chatters who drive us nuts! I always laugh when people go online and say in a main chat room, 'Are there any normal, decent people to talk to in here?' Is that a rhetorical question?

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