Face it, we're men and we like our toys. In this case, our sex toys. Now if you happen to be mostly heterosexual - as the speaker is in this push for sex toys for men from SexToy.com - then you may not quite find expressions like "anal beads" as titillating as you might otherwise - and especially if we could find a way to cut women completely out of the picture.

But a friend in the Sex Toy Industry suggested I write a piece about sex toys and I realized that a sex toy story for men - with the intention of getting mainly woman to use them on them - was probably one best left the people who write them and it, fellow homoists, it was very enlightening.

Futurotic Penis Extender.JPGIt appears that men do share certain traits when listed as those that arouse: tightness and wetness. And devices, whether they are shaped like assholes, vaginas or sheep, they all tend to be built around the same platform: a handheld (often vibrating) flashlight-sized device made with the sole intent to enhance orgasm. And that's fine if you want to lug around an electric carry-on for a rabbit to get off, but I have yet, in all my research found one man to tell me with a straight face that his best orgasm is the one he gives himself.

But, wait; there's more. Men are completely open to have their butts whatever-ed but they have to know that it's worth dealing with any "ick" factor to get to. (Boys not getting past their poo-poo issues. Whatever.) Many men will tell you that having your prostate stimulated while reaching orgasm brings exponentially more pleasure. Duh!

So why do some guys get all don't-you-be-fucking-with-my-masculinity-about-it?

Anyhow, don't be surprised if you recognize some of the suggestions - you know you've tried them, don't lie - and notice how "effeminate" was equated with bad sexual feelings if you were a boy at one time.

(What you're looking at there is the "Futurotic Penis Extender" which sells for nine dollars and thirteen cents and it promises to do what, I don' t know. But for some, it's the difference between goodnight and goodbye.)

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