naked daddy

Be very quiet. We're observing the North American daddy in his native habitat. Witness his lack of any visible emotion, allowing the viewer to project what he desires onto this blank male slate. Witness his lack of taste in decor, allowing the viewer to attempt to project disdain yet be distracted by the hairy chest, smooth crotch, shiny penis combo. Witness his feat of strength, doing a one handed balance on a rickety magazine stand or whatever the hell that is. Witness his watch telling us all that it's time to mate with daddy.

Then witness the toilet after he's finished with you and you can't walk very well. Now get him the fucking newspaper and a cookie. Daddy likes the newspaper and a cookie. Preferably USA Today and oatmeal raisin. You've done it. You're Jane Goodall. Except she wouldn't have gotten him a cookie.

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