In one of our recent blogs, you read about Kirk Cumming's relationship hitting rocky road once his then-boyfriend, Luis, said he was still sexually attracted to girls. Well, now it's time to read just how bad things got in Part 2, the conclusion to Kirk's story 'Love Dies.'
After a year of us being together, Luis cheated on me with a girlfriend of his. To this day he would never admit to it but several of his friends told me that they had seen them together and I just couldn't trust him anymore. We broke up cause he felt his lust for girls was too strong and he couldn't stay faithful to me. Sadly that break up was very violent and a very dark time for me in my life.
We were separated for 2 months and during those months I found out that he had cheated on me with a female stripper friend, Aubrey. I wanted to put this behind me so one day we decided to reconnect. Due to his drama of getting a girl pregnant in those months we were apart, he needed someone there for him. I decided to be there for him because at the time Luis held a very special place in my heart. After a lot of talking we decided to get back together. He promised me he would never cheat on me again and that things were going to change. The second go around was much better. He was there for me, he supported everything I did, he made me feel loved and like he truly loved me. We now had one huge problem to over come. His illegal status. We both knew one day he was gonna have to marry a girl so he could get his papers,
It was a difficult thing to do but we finally met a girl that was willing to get married to Luis for him to get his papers sorted but in the back of my mind I always had a feeling about her. There was something that was just not right about her and she started to act as though the marriage was a "real" one. She started to to pay everything for Luis and touched him all the time in a very flirty way. Despite all of my concerns they got married in January 2012.
Things got more difficult for us when we were kicked out of our apartment at the end of January. We had to face reality and realize that I was not making enough money in Colorado and we decided that Luis would move in with a friend for a few months and I would would move to L.A. and cram a lot of work in a short period of time. When I moved things got very difficult and I was very upset because we had made a pact to stick together not matter what. I offered to fly him out and get him some dancing gigs to make some money.
He kept on making every excuse as to why our relationship was not going to work out. Things were going from bad to worse and one day Luis decided to talk to me and told me that he wanted to live the "American dream" and that I was not included in that dream. He drove me out of his life and his heart and I felt that everything that we had ever been through was fake on his part. I then have to find out that during the time we were together Luis had been involved in an orgy with a friend of his and 2 female strippers.
I was devastated by this news. Very quickly my sadness turned to rage. I couldn't believe he would do this to me after he begged me to take him back. I'm deeply hurt, you can't fool your heart to love someone when it is so clear they don't love you back. I feel very used by Luis. I feel he took a piece of me that I will never be able to get back. Breaking down my walls for him to begin with, was a challenge and now I feel it's gonna be twice as hard in a new relationship.
I have been through a lot of shit in my life and have real deep abandonment issues. The only thing I ask for in a relationship is to love me with your whole heart, the way I do for them. I gave up a lot for that boy. I feel my relationship with him made it harder to do porn, 'cause I felt I really couldn't have that porn star persona like I should have to be successful. Sometimes I even felt like porn was cheating. I am just that dedicated to someone when I love them.
My biggest hurdle I feel I have to face now is finding that special someone who doesn't care about porn. Luis met me before "Kirk Cummings" so I felt it was a deeper love than "oh, you're a porn star" and I expect that from you 24/7. I am not here to pass judgment or place blame on anyone. Relationships are two sided, and it takes two to break one up. I'm just gonna say I feel I tried and gave a little harder than he did. I just am a very emotional person and expressing myself and talking about things help me work through it.
I just wish him the best and hope one day he finds what he is looking for. I hope he doesn't hurt anyone the way he hurt me both emotional and physical. I hope one day he can find someone to love him as deep as I did. This maybe catty but I hope one day he sees my success and regrets doing what he did to me. I know that sounds mean but I think it's a normal part of human emotion. When I am with someone I dedicate my whole life and heart to them.
Finally, I hope my fans stick by me through these hard times. They have already been a lifesaver with the outpour of emails and tweets regarding their concern. It makes you feel good to know people who have never met you care about you that much. I just hope one day I can be that person for someone again, cause I believe in true love and I believe everybody is entitled to it.
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Thanks so much to Kirk Cummings for sharing his story with Gaydemon. We truly appreciate it and hope that his story will help others going though a similar situation and gives them strength to see it through!