jessesantana.jpgChris Ward announced with fanfare we normally reserve for Saints, Cardinals and Company-Employees-With-Extra-Needs that Texan scorcher Jesse Santana - coming off his run as (insert character's name which I think is the same) in "Golden Gate 2:" The Golden-ator," will sign a one-year, Raging Stallion-slash-now-with-Falcon exclusive contract to perform gay porn movies so hot that Texas Governor Rick Perry is melting, an action he promised he would never, ever take as Governor!

It's big, folks. Texas big. No, actually Jesse has a 8.5 inch cock which puts it in... well let's get some perspective first. The 'mean' male penis (not the nasty, unforgiving kind) is just under six inches. That 'mean' jumps considerably when you get to seven-and-a-half inches. And no we're not talking about half the audience being smaller than the average and half being bigger. We're talking one in every forty-four men have an almost seven-and-a-half-inch cock. But when you get to eight-and-a-half inches, WOW! Now you're talking some real numbers: to have an eight-and-a-half-cock, you not only have to be in the 99.86th percentile but, BUT, you would share that distinction with about only one in 750 guys, the same amount I imagine who would like to get fucked by him that many times in a given year.

I mean, that's still a lot. But Jesse Santana will now fuck you in ways you can only be fucked through statistical anomaly. How's that for an exclusive?


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