college football players

Yes, officially "Guys in Tights Who Bend Over Constantly" is my rename of football (the American kind). I mean I know there's a sport happening. There's a ball with pointy ends and lots of running back and forth. Plus (gasp!) slamming body contact that looks like it causes all sorts of ouchies that need tlc. But I think at least 0.05% of fans are watching it just for the tights.

College football in particular has obsessive fans cheering for their favorite team to win, but also cheering to just feel like a part of something at their school, and let out all that insane hormonal energy. Like how all those girls in The Ed Sullivan Show audience screamed for the Beatles so loud that dead Helen Keller was all "Shut the fuck up!" Sure the Beatles did a really good job at being an early version of the Monkees, but those girls were screaming because they had it in them to. They were screaming at the world.

So I sure as fuck hope that all those insane college football crowds are screaming for jock ass in tights, jock ass in jock straps, jock bulges in tights, sweaty guys with roughly beautiful faces, alpha males, graceful quarterbacks and cornholing cornerbacks. And that the reason folks obsess over the actual scores of the actual game and who actually wins the Rose Bowl or the conference or whatever is just a red herring denial, so nobody has to fully face up to their desire for football cock and football ass and used football jockstraps and smelly football cleats or spikes or whatever they wear.

Man, they'd be awesome at dominating a guy. All that controlled aggression. Score! Plus you know they're totally legal because what college football player manages to start college before 18? They're not fucking geniuses. Okay some are. There's an Ivy League football conference but I don't like to focus on guys who are brains and jocks at the same time. It would break the time space continuum.

So what happens on the field once NBC puts away their cameras and all the gear is in the wash? Naked jocks fucking on grass, that what.

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