Guy Watching: Vintage Male Strippers

I've finally succumbed to calling something from the '90s vintage. And I don't mean the 1890s since this sort of thing just didn't happen. Though it should have. Would have been nice to see some Victorian attitudes decimated.

Based on how things still are, I'd like to set these guys loose on the set of Dancing with the Stars. Shirtless D-List celebrities are not enough.

The 2nd video is sound free, so you're missing out on horny housewife hooting and terrible music. All that to see a guy shower on stage. I'm in.

Really I think male stripers are anti-erotic and completely horrifying. On a group show level. However, when it ascends into the levels of high camp, I'm all over it. The fake word bonerrific was invented for this occasion. By Lawrence Q. Boner.

I am intensely regretting not having worked out 35 hours a week, tanned 35 hours a week and oiled 35 hours a week and put 35" of shiny hair extension in, because if I had, I could be in these videos. This is my loss. And I'll never shut up about it. My male stripper years are over.

Or based on how long I could have actually put up with the whole scene (even if I had looked right), make that my "male stripper days are over." As I would have lasted mere days.

Though the locker room time with my fellow mini-stars would have made it worth it. Maybe I could have steamed the wrinkles out of some g-strings. With my hot, panting gay breath. Strike the maybe. That is a yes.