Guy Watching: Look But Don't Touch

I'm guessing for most of us "look but don't touch" is way better than "touch but don't look" right? Because you might end up touching an actual kielbasa, fire hose, rosebud or set of family jewels. And except for the jewels, touching all those things would be a confusing disappointment when in their literal (non-sexual metaphor) forms.

It's much better to look whenever you can. But what if you could have it all? What if you could look and touch? Well that's crazy talk, because here's what would happen if you touched each of these guys (starting top left and going clockwise).

• He'd force you to tie his shoes for him since you clearly have free hands. And that would just make you feel too much like you worked at Foot Locker. What a fucking nightmare! Though his dick dangling in your face might take away some of the sting of humiliation.
• He's be forced to pretend to be upset that you caught him masturbating. But it would come off as actually being upset and you may be socked in the eye and lose him as a roommate. Better to look and not touch, especially when you can touch his underwear while he's showering.
• If you touch either example of urinal cock, the guy may suddenly turn to face you, meaning his dick will turn to face you while he's mid-pee, meaning you're going to get peed on. Which is of course horrible and disgusting, right? Oh, you're into that? Call me!
• Another naked locker room guy who could have put his underwear back on before putting his deodorant on. He's practically demanding to be looked at and not touched. So just fucking look and don't touch and be happy with that. And be happy with his knee high white socks which aren't socks but the glowing sun.
• You don't want the mechanic guy to be startled and smack his head, do you? Because then he might be unconscious and you'd have to carry him to bed. Better you thank him for fixing your car by offering him a sandwich. You thought I was going to say beer, but a sandwich is a much more effective seduction tool. Just two pieces of bread around a beer can. That's a sandwich.

So what have we learned? Absolutely nothing! And that you like to look. But you knew that already, didn't you?

[Photos via Spy Cam Dude, 007 Gay Spy and Straight Guys Naked]