Gay men and ass go together like Sarah Palin and moose meat. Or do they!? In a new article in the UK's FS Magazine, writer Liam Murphy gets to the bottom of a touchy subject. In "No Anal Sex Please, We're Gay," the author reports on what everyone assumes gay guys are doing in bed together. "It can seem like all gay men are obsessed with the ass and that fucking is our raison d'être," Murphy writes, "but not everyone is as focused on anal-gazing as you might think. Is anal sex the be all of a gay man's sex life?" In some cases, the answer is no. In numerous interviews, Murphy talks with sexually active homos. Some feel that anal sex is something to be approached casually, while others say it's an intimate act that requires deep trust. One subject states, "I just only have anal sex with someone who is important to me, once a commitment or relationship has been made."
According to Ian Howley, editor of FS, which is a health and lifestyle magazine from the Gay Men's Health Charity, the advent of Grindr and other GPS-driven apps have made fucking more prominent. "Before the introduction of sex/dating apps most people had to either pop into their local woods or nearest public toilet for some quick one-on-one action," he says. "In a lot of cases this involved mainly oral and hand jobs. Very few people fucked. Now with the use of these apps people are fucking more on meet-ups. This has put pressure on guys, who may not feel comfortable having anal sex, to do it."
False and unnecessary pressures can lead some gay men, reluctantly, into having anal sex so as not to stand out from the rest of the gay community.
The subjects in the piece give a range of reasons for not wanting to engage in anal, from the pain of intercourse to not wanting to use protection and being fearful of the risk of disease involved. There are also a number of horror stories and bad experiences, including broken condoms, messy sheets and dirty holes. One newbie is psychologically scarred by an attempted-rape incident.
And because, as the article points out, "bumming can be a hygiene minefield," there are tips for douching (don't use soap; it can irritate the lining of your ass) and advice for first-timers (relax, take your time and don't rush entry).
In the end (no pun intended), Murphy concludes that anal sex is not the focal point of most gay relationships. Trust, love, affection and emotional intimacy play an equally important role. One counselor sums it up nicely: "These are false and unnecessary pressures that lead some gay men, reluctantly, into having anal sex so as not to stand out from the rest of the gay community--one man's pleasure can often be another man's pain!" But the message is clear: Do what feels right and feels good--for you and your body. For more information and to read the full article, click here.