• Big Balls Peep Show

    big balls

    A big balls peep show is totally what I want. Put your quarter in the slot. Curtain goes up. And. It's. Balls.

    They do so much. Push out the dick to make a true bulge. Hang down a tight jean leg oh so obviously. Stretch and flex and bounce and tease and look so good. Balls should not be ignored.

    Ever seen a guy showering at the gym and see his balls even in rear view. His legs spread just right and that beautiful pair hanging. Or ever suck a guy's balls while he presses his cock against your face? Yeah, that's a thing.

    Plus big balls can mean a dick spews big. Not all that ejaculate comes from the balls of course. I took pornographic male anatomy in college. Cowper's gland, y'all! Thank you for the knowledge West Hollywood Community College. Or was it that West Hollywood Community College men's room? My diploma's somewhere though it got kinda messy. Balls can do that.

    And what would a post about balls be without this gem from John Waters' Pecker that brought us an oh-so-special term you may recognize (and hopefully experience)?

  • With This Cock Ring I Thee Wed

    cock rings

    There's still a wider variety of cocks than cock rings, but crafty cock ring manufacturers are catching up! And they're experimenting with various shapes and functions (like the combo cock sheath cock ring).

    Cock rings (and whatever you call all those other shapes) are also available in a wide array of materials, including silicone, leather, pleather, rubber, metal, and, of course, kryptonite. Okay maybe not kryptonite. I mean who would want that? Superman is already hard as steel whenever he wants plus the kryptonite would kill him. Oh wait, Lex Luthor would wear a kryptonite cock ring! So he could keep Superman at bay and masturbate in peace while hatching evil plans to take over Earth (you know, exactly like we all do when we masturbate).

    The basic function is to keep the blood flow in the dick (or in the head in the case of a head ring). And ball straps can keep a nice wrapping pressure there too, intensifying ejaculation. You don't have to go chokingly tight for it to feel good. In fact numbness is not really a good thing for any part of your body. Think how you wrap your own hand around the base of your cock or stretch your own balls out. You like to vary the pressure. So as with any accessory, fit is key.

    All of these are about function and some are also about form. If you're playing solo, the overall look may be less important than how it feels. While if you're showing off at a naked pool party or in the Costco men's room, you'll want something that really screams style, as in "Suck my big stylish dick now!"

    You know what also can make a good cock ring? Rope!

  • My What a Big Bush You Have

    big bush

    Pubes. Bush. Cock hair. Secondary sexual characteristic. Forest. Tumbleweeds. Penis wig. Um, XXX thesaurus please! I've run out of terms already but that's okay because when you're into it, you want to do lots of things in which talking isn't required.

    Preferences vary (even OK Cupid has it as a compatibility question) with some folks exclusively liking it natural. Could be how it looks. How it feels. Tickles. Smells. What it seems to say about someone. But no need to analyze why. It's a hardwired preference I'm sure.

    Still, there's nothing unnatural about manscaping as it's a man choosing to do it out of a natural desire. And then there's one guy having a full bush and the other guy not. Fuck, it's already two guys. Why not create and enjoy differences between each other?

    Oh wait, I just thought of one more: carpet. As in the carpet matches the drapes. Extremely masculine drapes of course. Burlap even.

    So what's your preference down there? Is it the same for you and who you're with? And what if you're into big bush and at an orgy where everyone has the desired big bush except for one big-dicked guy with zero bush? Do you run screaming from the airport Marriott or deal with it and orgy on?

    P.S. Check out Brad Kalvo's bush in action!

  • He's So Unusual


    In an alternate universe, He's So Unusual would've been the name of Sidney Lauper's smash hit 1983 album all about unusually shaped cock. As it stands, Cyndi Lauper's She's So Unusual included masturbation anthem She Bop, so our universe fared pretty well.

    The shortest distance between two points (say the base of a guy's dick and the back of your throat) is a straight line. But why not take the scenic route? Much more memorable than a straight line is a wonky one that's swollen, bent, twisted and nasty. A unique cock-shaped detour going in and out before squirting everywhere. After all, when a guy blows, the cum doesn't go in a straight line either.

    So what about bendy dick fucking? All about the angles, folks. Twist those bodies however you need to get that sweet spot going. And if you're stroking an unusual dick (yours or his) let your hands mold just right. Listen to the dick. It will guide you.

    Did I just accidentally form a spiritual order of curved cock? How strange!

  • Tongue Meets Ass


    The following may or may not be true. Dare to dream! So I can count all my rimming experiences on one asshole. Okay, a dozen assholes maybe. First time I licked a guy's butt was my first boyfriend and I was pretty much copying something I'd recently seen in a Falcon Video Pack. On VHS. I thought I was supposed to like doing it.

    My friend had regaled me with a story of how he'd eaten out a guy for hours, thanks to the miracle of Calvin Klein's Obsession for Women (popular with gay guy's at the time). As for the bf hole licking, I was tentative and not that into it. My favorite part was the close up view of his ass cheeks, with the back of his head seeming far off in the distance. It felt like I was a Falcon stud, although I wasn't nearly as shiny, and we had Brazilian jazz on in the background, not porn synth jams. So I stopped rimming and started fucking.

    I think he rimmed me a few times, too. It just felt strange, but I got the point. It could feel good. With the right guy. Probably gave up too quickly on that activity. Rim big or go home!

    Fast forward a long time. I never really sought it out and never really asked for it. Since I didn't want to "return the favor" I felt a bit off asking for it. This is going to be anticlimactic but the remaining times were not smashing. Neither my jaw, nor my ass, gaped open. There are moments it felt good but also moments it tickled weirdly. Maybe I need a candlelit dinner first or something? Romance and rimming. They both start with R at least.

    But here are these pictures of guys in seeming ecstasy from it. I can't promise I'll be marching (or waddling) in the Rimslut Pride Parade, but tongue/asshole action is back on my radar.

    Now a real fake real real fake story to confuse matters: I woke up and my hot mailman Brad had his 6" long tongue (also named Brad) snaked up inside my chute. He kept his sexy blue uniform on the whole time. I wasn't a cheap date though. He left me a few infinity stamps after and a circular from Trader Joe's. I'll be able to mail Brad (and Brad) love letters forever. If only I loved them. That tongue though!

    P.S. How far up a guy's crack can a hungry asslicker go? Here's a hint!

  • Androgynous Femboi Twink Party

    androgynous twinks

    The niche popularity of androbois remains strong despite the supposed takeover of gay masc culture. And while there seem to be way fewer dating/hookup profiles in which a guy is looking for a "straight-acting" someone, there are plenty of code words like masculine, outdoorsy, regular guy, or whatever other descriptor gets to the heart of the matter. But you know what? At least those are more descriptive than "straight-acting" which, considering the gender expression diversity of actual straight men, means nothing.

    But added up, that type of culture sends signals to not be oneself, even though of course, there can be a regular femboi, an outdoorsy femboi, and yes, even a masculine femboi (if he's in the mood to be). Adjectives about what you want are good, unless they shut out what you'd like if you gave it a chance.

    Androgyny comes naturally to some, while others have to cultivate it, playing with gender cues until that androgynous moment is attained. And it's only because of most people's narrow definitions of what male and female look like that androgyny can even exist. If there were no rules about male or female, there couldn't be about androgyny either.

    Does appearing androgynous, or as a femboi, mean someone acts feminine? And what does feminine mean? Maybe femininity is just more visible when applied to (or emanating from) a biologically male form. Maybe some men get turned on by a person exhibiting those feminine ideals without the added power of being a feminist. Surprise when the femboi is not a pushover, when he's an equal in and out of the bedroom. Surprise when he's working the look for himself (or, yes, to make money in porn or other modeling). Surprise when the femboi has a Ph.D. in astrophysics. Okay, a B.A. In weavology.

    For fembois who do identify as male, it's pure visual self-expression. For those who may have more complex gender identities, it's self-expression with added layers of meaning, risk and impact. Being an openly gay masculine man takes bravery, yes. And being an openly androgynous male (gay or straight) takes bravery too, in some cases even more, especially when it's one's everyday life, not a modeling gig.

    Gay porn culture has plenty of twinks to choose from (some more andro than others), so jack away! Femboi-dom isn't limited to porn of course, so if you see a guy you like, don't be shy. You can date, love, fuck or become a femboi. Go with your heart. And hurry! These guys aren't getting any younger. Not that it's up to me to put an age limit on it.

    Speaking of which, when will VH1 do a "Where Are They Now?" segment on the femboi twinks of yesteryear? Oh wait, they already did one on ex-teen heartthrob and pretty boy Leif Garrett. Spoiler alert: his Wikipedia entry has a four-paragraph long section called "Legal Troubles." He's single, ladies!

  • Piss Is Your New Best Friend


    Piss goes with everything! It puts the D in BDSM (and also the S if the dude recently ate asparagus). It washes down or washes off cum. It can be enjoyed solo or with your plus one or plus 20. And it cleans tile grout.

    Most of all, it's fucking intimate. Take a private thing and literally spray it on someone else or spray it on yourself while someone else watches. Instant intimacy. Even if you do it in an alley or the mall parking lot. Hey that guy hawking cell phones in the mall kiosk was cute. And so much cuter soaked with urine. Thankfully his uniform was polyester.

    As fetishes go, it's quite photogenic. A part of a guy (maybe even from some of that wine you two toasted your three-week anniversary to) that he's sharing with you and you with him. Flash forward to a wedding cake with two modeling chocolate figurines of one groom peeing on the other. And remember, if a bakery refuses to make that for you, take them to court. Seriously.

    Piss play can be pure play or romantic or prankish or dominant or masturbatory or cathartic or pervy or bonding or messy or precise or secret or public or some combination of all of these.

    And judging by the vintage and creative watersports pic above, it's been around a long time and is not going anywhere. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pee. Into the toilet. With nobody watching. It's okay, the toilet bowl is totally into it.

    P.S. In case this encourages new piss players, I can't help but suggest you talk with your doctor before engaging in piss play (healthy piss is healthy but piss isn't always healthy, get it?). Then ask your doctor to piss on you. You know he wants to. He's always asking for urine samples, remember?

  • Sexy Beard Explosion

    sexy beards

    You ever make out with a guy and end up with beard burn after? Or nipple burn if he rubbed his beard on those sensitive nips tips? Or inner thigh burn if, well, you get the picture. That burn, however red, tender and potentially incriminating, is really a badge of honor. So worth it.

    Breaking news: a beard isn't going to make an unsexy guy sexy. But it can magnify a guy's sexiness. It so can to the point that it's easy to make up all sorts of adjectives, stories, and secret identities for a guy based on beard alone.

    But except for pure beard fetishists (who would fuck beard trimmings or date George Clooney's hairdresser's personal assistant's aunt's son's mailman's cable installer just to get that close to George's stubble), the eyes matter. The face matters. The jawline matters. The clothing, or lack of clothing, matters.

    And beards can be cute also. A man with a beard eating a big, messy ice cream cone? Yum! Still it can itch to grow one. Yeah well high heels hurt so just deal with it. Because, sorry about it, but beards are fashion. And a beard doesn't make a guy masculine. Holding a door for you and fucking you in a hallway does.

    In a pinch, a beard also makes a great cum rag. Speaking of which, I think cumrag should be a compound word, but Urban Dictionary (the AP Style Guide of filth), has it as two. Oh fuck it. Cumrag! Cumrag! Cumrag! Beards make awesome cumrags! And certain bearded guys fuck awesome.

  • Rent-a-Fuck Gay Porn Stars

    rentboy gay porn stars

    And by fuck I mean pay strictly for the guy's time on an hourly basis and then do whatever you two (or more) consenting adults agree to do during that time which is definitely not to fuck. You can talk about fucking though. Or politics. Or the politics of fucking. Or you guys can thrust, pump, receive, moan, grunt, squeal and clean up after for no reason in particular.

    So now that I've gotten that disclaimer out of the way, let's see some of the gay porn stars you can find on rentboy.com to, you know, not fuck or anything.

    The site doesn't have a "gay porn star" filter but it does have a handy text search and entering porn star will find you what you're looking for, as well as a few extra guys who for some reason feel the need to pepper their profiles with things like "I'm not a porn star, but I look like one." Thanks for sharing! What else are you not? A hat maker?

    Mitch Branson (top row) is a "porn star without the attitude" who will offer you the boyfriend experience. Two hour dinner capped by a goodnight kiss. Um, that better involve a trip to the bathroom together! He also offers the "erotic experience" for guys of all shapes and sizes. In related news, 5'11", 189 pounds with 2% body fat is a thing now.

    2014 Hookies double award winner Leo Forte (2nd row) will meet all your BDSM needs. His self-proclaimed "big muscle butt" should come in handy too. He describes his hair color as "shaved" which I didn't know was a color.

    Shane Frost (3rd row) does his in calls at Steamworks and his hourly rate includes his admission. Can't porn stars get into Steamworks for free? He's available 24/7 which is handy when you're looking for vanilla, fisting, water sports and/or scat at 4 a.m. Hey, it's in his his profile!

    Kurtis Wolfe (last row) is a self-proclaimed passionate and dominant top who always practices safe sex. And who likes to pose with his hands behind his head. Out calls only so it wouldn't hurt you clean up a little before he gets there. Like you did for that Architectural Digest shoot on the apartments of johns.

    Here are a few others: Damien Cross, Nick Sterling, Jason Sparks and Jeremy Walker.

    If you include guys with just massage listings, you get a few more porn gents to pick from, and of course all of this is dependent on location, unless you can afford to pay for travel. There are a bunch of "porn star" Euro and South American guys too, but I couldn't confirm their porn credentials so if you want a guy who's really been in a porn flick vs. who just claims to have been, do your research. As with meeting anyone off the net, use your smarts. And as with a restaurant, tip your server!

  • Top 3 New Fort Troff Finds

    fort troff new toys

    Anytime you shop on Fort Troff it's like being in a giant sex pig mall. Except unlike the real mall (where during your lunch hour you can suck 40 cocks in that men's room just to the left of the out of business Godiva Chocolatier between the cell phone kiosk and Waffle Cones Unlimited) there is no gloryhole stall. And there doesn't need to be because the entire site is one giant sex pig toilet heaven already. Sex toys and the internet, together forever.

    I should warn you that Fort Troff is NSFW. I know you're super concerned about that! And yes, this may be the first recorded instance of an NSFW link warning in a blog post sporting a cock photo. Where's my Golden Irony Award?

    So what are the top three new finds on Fort Troff? Pictured from left to right are:

    FT Grunt Kong Dong: A 7" around cock sheath strap-on deal for the biological man who wants to pretend to be a cockless person who wears a dong, or for the man who wants two penises, or the woman who wants a penis and vagina, or something like that. I wonder what it feels like on the dick and in the ass. Probably tight inside and big and hard outside. Win and win.

    Bumper Brite: "Wanna brighter smile? Get an all-day pucker with dazzling results!" That's right, you don't have to rely on the waiter at International House of Pancakes to take care of you down there during brunch rush. Finally there's an at-home anus bleaching liquid. I'm not using the word bleach literally. I've just heard it called that in classy media establishments like The Howard Stern Show. I'm sure you're free to contact Fort Troff for an ingredient list to make sure you feel good about dabbing it on your rear window. Smile wide!

    Guzzler Silicone Gag: This one's really complicated. You can submissively swallow the urine stream (or almond milk or whatever) through that red opening but the funnel part inside is flexible so you can bite down on it to stop the flow. Of course if the piss top keeps peeing, it will just spill out onto your face, which would be tragic. Piss bottoms hate getting piss on their faces.

    Sex toys are toys. Have fun!