• Soft Dick Bottoms for the Win

    soft dick bottoms

    Does a bottom need to stay hard to please a man's cock? And for getting fucked to feel damn good? Nope and hell nope.

    A bottom doesn't even need to be hard to squirt some cum out and have an orgasm. Or five. As someone who has anal sex 14 times a day minimum (15 times receiving, and -1 giving for a total of 14) I can tell you some guys want to see their bottom with a boner as it's a sign of pleasure.

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  • Back Hair or Suede Vest?

    back hair

    We're going to delve deep into one of the most controversial issues of modern times. Back Hair: Hot or Fuck No?

    Full disclosure that I was totally in the "fuck no" camp going into this, but now I'm not so sure. Especially seeing guys with extremely hairy backs, there's something sexily animalistic about it. Like they ate about 300 testosterone-filled cupcakes and their backs sprouted. Like their backs have more hair than Lady Bunny's wig closet. And like they don't give a fuck about it and will flash their backs to the world. Or at least at the bear/otter bar.

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  • Tongue Meet Pits


    Armpits are obscene. And completely uncensored. So if you get off on them, you're in fucking luck because they are officially street legal. Now it is a bit of a vulnerable, come hither pose to lift up those arms and present pit to the world. It's not something a guy can do while out shopping for dish detergent or waiting in line at the post office. Although a strategically placed tank top should do the trick. But true pit lovers know it's not just about the look. It's about the taste, the smell, that place where chest meets shoulder meets lat meets heaven.

    And here's the thing. I get that some people may generally not be into that spot or having their pits loved on. But it's about how when you're in heat, those nooks and crannies of the body, and all their sights and smells, become intoxicating. Plus if he shoves your face in there you don't really have a choice do you. Well you can fight back by jacking his dick but he'll probably keep your face in his pits for awhile anyhow. And then you'll stick out your tongue. Just to see. And then it will feel good for you and for him and suddenly it's 45 minutes later and there are two puddles of cum on the floor.

    Natural scent is best for this kind of thing. And if a guy takes care of himself (and he can shower first too if you both like it that way), it'll taste and smell just right, like him. Ever been with a guy where you are just chemically connected? I've had that connection before. It was back in the days when cell phones had antennas and gayborhoods still existed. I. Got. Into. That. Guy's. Pits. Hard. Damn.

    And I'm sure whoever was watching us (we did it at night with some lights on and the shades totally open) approved. Didn't get a single indecent exposure complaint. Despite trying our hardest.

    P.S. Armpit sniffing a lean naked stud is a thing.

  • World Homoerotic Gymnastics Championships

    They're this week in Nanning China, with the "homoerotic" not part of the official title, but definitely part of the official action. I mean, hello! Bulging muscles. Bulging bulges. And males teaming up with other males to defeat other males. In tank tops. Tank tops!

    You can watch the actual competition on the tube that is you. It's the qualifying rounds right now. But the timeless thing is those bodies, regardless of who wins and loses. Apparently I'm not the only one who finds these studs quite studlike.

    Apparently, male gymnasts tend to practice shirtless. Either that or they're so muscular that even when they wear shirts, they burst through them so hard (metaphorically) that the shirts turn invisible. Or they wear shirts all the time and it's my desirous wishful thinking that gives me X-ray vision powers.

    By the way, I keep scanning Craigslist job postings for "Male Gymnast Clothing Handwasher" but I guess they use a fucking washing machine or something. Fuck you Maytag! My hands and mouth would clean their jockstraps way better than your automatic agitator. Plus I'd deliver the clean laundry in person. Naked. Bent over. Mouth open. Seriously, these guys are so strong and flexible, one of them could probably fuck me while eating his own ass. Now enjoy some eye candy (loud soundtrack warning).

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  • Penis Hugging


    Does your penis need a hug? And mouth hugs and ass hugs aren't doing the trick? Try a penis to penis hug. Just find a dude with a long, stretchy foreskin and ask his penis to give your penis a hug. Because hugs release endorphins. And precum.

    Docking's what guys do after sword play, like to make up. You know sword play, when you fake duel with your hard pricks? Well gotta make up after that. And make up right. Hug it out, fellas!

    So once docked what can you do? And is foreskin docking anything like docking your laptop?

    Well you can pee by surprise. Or slowly stroke each other not by surprise. You're already half stroking just having your cocks touching at all. And holding that foreskin secure, making it balloon out with basically two cock heads at once. What else can you do? Make out hard. Then suck and dock and suck and dock. And maybe watch a Netflix marathon of some crap show.

    You know what I miss on Netflix? They used to have a section of fitness videos. All horrible knock-offs of Buns of Steel and Abs of Steel. Called Buns of Tin and Abs of Balsa. You know balsa, right? That light, weak wood. You totally don't want your abs like that at all. Unless your fitness goal is to float really easily. I'm definitely going to send Netflix a complaint email about balsa wood and foreskin and abs.

    So maybe I have a foreskin and maybe I don't, but if I did, or because I do, would I be into docking? Well, yeah. And it'd go like this. Both start out soft. Wrangle that foreskin around your buddy's fingers then around his penis head, but keep it soft. Until you both get hard and can feel each other getting hard. Your heads pressing into each other. Until docking isn't possible anymore. Then you just leave and go home. I mean then you fuck.

    Two guys having sex sure is complicated!

    Now check out 9" uncut cock in action.

  • Peepers and Show-offs


    In honor of this post about exhibitionism, I'm writing this naked with the blinds open. With a naked string quartet playing the theme to Naked Lunch. But if nobody is looking in my window, am I even showing off? Exhibitionists totally depend on peeper, or at minimum, watchers. Still nobody is a greater enemy to a peeper than an exhibitionist. Why?

    Because if you're a peeper you want to check out a guy without him knowing. You want to sneak a peek. You want to intrude. You want X-ray vision (like the classic X-ray Specs sold in backs of comic books). You want to see everything.

    That's the minority though. It's mostly a dance. Looker and looked. Seer and seen. Eyes and penis. The guy who goes into the locker room wearing a towel, then pulls it off and sits on flat, his cock exposed. Then he doesn't make eye contact with anyone as he spreads his legs and closes his eyes. Look at me. I don't mind. But don't say a word. You'll break the spell.

    Or the guy jacking off in his window in the gayborhood as fellas stream home after the bars close. He's bait. And he'll invite someone up.

    Or Skype sluts. Or subway strokers. Or urinal jackers. Or college streakers. Or Australian Rules Football players who don't fight too hard when their shorts get tugged down.

    There's a line though when it goes from wonderfully sleazy to mundane nudity. Can someone be an exhibitionist on a nude beach? Or does that carry more weight in a shopping mall food court? How about halfway opening the door to your hotel room while you're masturbating? If you could be caught but aren't, is that being an exhibitionist? If you're scanning apartment windows for nude guys are you a voyeur even if you don't find any? And if you look at a hot, yet fully clothed, guy on the street through your blinds and he can't see you back, what are you then? How about if you're masturbating when you do it?

    Keep looking. Keep showing. Keep stroking. Keep fucking.

  • Unairable Gregg Homme Underwear Commercials

    This isn't an endorsement of Gregg Homme underwear. They're probably overpriced tiny pieces of spandex into hugging cock and ass just right. Wait, I like hugging cock and ass just right, too. Guess I better change my name to Gregg Homme.

    These are mini-movies which basically look like UK Naked Men videos minus the ejaculations but plus some cleverness. And they are unairable except on late night TV in Amsterdam.

    Why can't CBS air a Gregg Homme Fashion Show in prime time like they do the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show? I mean doesn't society objectify men just as much as it does women? Aren't male underthings marketed to men just as much as women underthings? And what the hell is an underthing?

    Well, nah, I guess to even out the objectification, either people will have to objectify women less or men more. Since the former is impossible, I'm going to go with objectifying men more. I suggest you do your part.

    And that extends to ogling dudes in the locker room to the point they notice. I totally get that their are all these apps that supposedly do the work for us. Tap "woof" or "oink" or swipe right or whatever the app calls it and you've flirted, right? Well hell no you haven't. Flirting is about being vulnerable, obvious and direct. You have to break through all that clutter, and nowadays have to get the attention of people who are just not as into real time flirting as they used to be.

    So dress (and undress) to see and be seen. Apps are a good addition to connecting with guys but not a replacement for eye contact, not a replacement for a well-timed hungry gaze. Now that I think about it sexy underwear will never go out of style, especially the wonderfully super gay kind. But if you don't dig these kind of undies, just pull the waistband below your balls and slip your jeans or shorts or sweat on over. It's pretty much an instant cock and balls lift. Your crotch will do the flirting for you, especially if you forget to zip up.

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  • Big Cocks on Twink Bodies

    twink dicks

    Okay, technically the cocks on twink bodies are twink cocks, but they just feel stuck on somehow. Unexpected. Even confusing. What's he going to do with the thing? Squirt cum on himself like hair gel? Hang his hand-washed designer bikini underwear on his cock to dry? Suck himself off because twinks are so bendy?

    Nah, some twinks are tops and totally know what to do with their cocks. Earn money. Or at least get a daddy to buy them dinner. Man, I have a lot of twink stereotypes!

    Massive cock is massive cock no matter who it's on. Today's twink is tomorrow's daddy so it's good to invest in a twink. Pick one that doesn't have a lot of wear and tear. Because bonking a twink that's worn down is pretty much like bonking Justin Bieber. Unforgettable. No matter how hard you try.

    Probably the best part of big twink dick is how it looks in relation to tiny twink waist. As in it looks bigger. And yummy. Yummy's a word twinks like right? And lollipop? And cut-offs? And peroxide? And sneakers? I'm really trying to speak the language of twinks: emoticonese. :) ROFFASHT (rolling on floor fucking a skinny hung twink) #ROFFASHT. Is this how the twinks speak today? And does twink cum taste sweeter?

    Soooo very many hung twinks!

  • Spot the Military Cock

    military men

    Ten-hut! That's army speak for attention, as in his dick stands at attention. Or his body has captured my attention. Or pay attention to his ass.

    So can you spot the dick among all that camouflage? Of course you can (and way more easily than I spelled camouflage just now. WTF with the "ou"! Back to military meat, you've got an eye for it. And nothing stands out against camouflage like a hard dick, muscular chest, strong legs, and shitkicking arms.

    Hey, let's all not talk about politics and war right now because this is just a fun little uniform/dom kink thing, yeah? Oh fuck, I brought it up. Well good because hello we all know there's troubles and conflicts in the world. And in some cases eroticizing a military uniform could be problematic to some. So then if you're not into it, don't do it. But if you are, you are. Go whole hog. Get into interrogations, boots, forced workouts, army physicals, helping clean up after natural disasters. Okay, that last one maybe isn't so hot.

    And yeah, I know I left out the other branches of the military, including the butchest of all, the Coast Guard. Well they do rescue people and crack down on drinking and boating. And they really get into piss play. They all do. And the Marines are into oral. And sailors are into twink orgies. Or probably.

    I looked up camouflage condom just to see and looks like the packaging is like camo but the condom is just green, no pattern. Now how are you supposed to fuck in the woods with that on and not get caught by the enemy (aka your drill instructor)? Unless it's a solid green Lego forest.

    At least it's true no matter how camouflaged military guy is, he'll always be able to find his own dick. And then hopefully cum on your face.

    Now watch a soldier fuck himself. Just cuz.

  • Pump It Up

    penis pumping

    Dyson just came out with an insanely expensive robot vaccum cleaner. When wlll break into the dick pumping business? Dick pumps that never lose suction and do double duty by picking up everything you may have spilled on your groin, such as dirt, coffee grounds and raw macaroni. You can't afford not to buy!

    For every one who grew up wondering what is would be like to stick their dick in the vacuum cleaner, scientific surveys have shown that 1 out of 347 of those people grew up to be dick pumpers. Surprisingly the folks performing the surveys door to door did not get doors slammed in their faces. As you may have noticed, people love to talk about dick.

    Now there are gradations of dick pumping. From the quick pump before that special date with alleged size queen Zachary Quinto to the years-long pumps that turn a cock into a Popeet. Some folks are more about the visual and give exactly zero fucks that their cock doesn't precisely feel like a cock anymore (more like a cock wrapped in sponges). And some want to feel the suction but not really alter their dick much if at all.

    If you're going to try it, do it as safely as possible. Avoid overpumping and be aware of any risks. Definitely talk to your doctor about it. If he's a guy. And you think talking to him about dick pumping will make him want to come over your house and dick pump with you. Otherwise, just ask folks at sex toy shops. The older the better so they know what they're talking about.

    Am I personally into it? Nah. Have I felt and sucked a pumped cock? Well yeah, duh, I mean how the hell could I have sucked it without feeling it? Hello! Ahhh, the '90s.

    Ball pumping and rosebud pumping are things too. I'll reserve my opinion on those because #1 nobody is asking and #2 I'm sure those will be main topics in the 2016 Presidential Debates.

    By the way, not every big cock has been pumped. But they sure as fuck can do some pumping.