Here's a question for ya: when watching solo jackoff porn, if the model is really hot and hung, do you care if he just sits there like a zombie staring off into space while he plays with himself, or do you want to see some energy and attitude to match the body? From this writer's perspective, a pretty face and a big dick are not enough to make a good scene unless the model is really, and I mean really exceptionally beautiful. Do you agree, or am I caterwauling about something nobody cares about?

In our continuing series of editorials which focus on what makes good porn and what doesn't, this time we consider the dead fish, models who may be nice to look at, but who have no erotic energy and no demonstrative desire to be in porn. There is a major difference between porn performers who are naturally sexual and those who are just doing it for the money. Case in point, consider the BoyFun Collection Web site. They produce about 25 vids a month, most of them solo jackoff material with a handful of duos. The breakdown of the models is wide and varied, and they have produced some great content over the years. But, one area where they often fail is their lack of ability in proper model selection. This is a pitfall that many porn producers fall into, but as far as I'm concerned, it's their own damn fault.

What I mean by proper model selection is this: if you really want to produce a vid that satisfies on all fronts, you have to select more than just a cute face and a big cock. You have to select models who are naturally sexual, boys who get off on touching themselves and being watched when doing so. They should be born exhibitionists, sexually free and liberated, and willing to let themselves go in order to please the viewer and themselves. These are the boys who are willing to contort themselves into unusual positions, eat their own cum, lick their own feet, stick foreign objects up their bungs'whatever it takes to have fun and give the viewer a great show. Additionally, these are boys who are vocal about what they like, moaning and groaning and twitching while they pleasure themselves. That is what we wanna see! I don't agree with some producers who believe that porn models should just be simple, normal guys quietly jacking off while we watch like a fly on the wall and listen to our own heartbeats. BORING! Porn is fantasy. The erotic energy should be heightened to maximize the experience. If I wanted to see ordinary muted sex, I'd watch my neighbors fuck (urp).

It would seem that every porn producer should naturally want to find the most energetic and exciting models possible in order to deliver the best vids they can. Because porn is a business like any other, this is not always the case. What tends to happen is sloppy casting. These producers find boys in bars or on the Internet, wave some cash at 'em, and next thing ya know, the boys are jacking off for a fee, but they haven't received any coaching or direction on how to perform in an erotic video, and the producer didn't bother to find out if the model really has any natural ability. Why does this happen? The producers aren't taking the time and care to find the right boys. Now, I understand that it can be difficult to find quality models and sometimes you have to go with less than you'd like because you've got a product to make and anxious customers awaiting it. But some of these Web sites consistently deliver dull models who look like they'd rather be emptying a cat's shit box than jacking off. Too often, producers like what they see on the surface, so they hire the model in a jiffy, but once the cameras are rolling, the model's a dud. From the typical producer perspective, this is just the luck of the draw. They do the best they can with what they've got, and if the resulting scene is mediocre, so be it. To me, that is simply poor producing. If you're hunting for diamonds, you don't collect stones on the way because it's all you can get. You toss 'em back and keep looking for diamonds if you're really committed to it.

I suspect a fair amount of producers would like to crap on my face for saying this. From their angle, producing porn is expensive, time-consuming and difficult, and for the viewer to expect perfection each and every time is unrealistic. I haven't said a peep about perfection. What I'm talking about is commitment to excellence. No matter what your craft is, be it boat-making or cooking or architecture or making porn, don't you want to do the best you can at all times? Why do something half-assed? Oh yeah''cause it's cheaper and saves time. BLAH! The result is that we see too many jackoff scenes in which models masturbate with zero energy and interest. They sit there like corpses, beating off without making a noise or a twitch while they watch a straight porn. Don't you find it really tedious to watch a model jacking off while he stares lazily at an off-camera porn? It immediately tells the viewer that this guy ain't into it and doesn't give a shit about getting himself or you off. He's just rubbing one out for the dough. Isn't it so much more invigorating to watch a hot guy who is totally into himself and into getting off? Think about the best solo models you've seen. They're the ones who are noisy and physical, the ones who stare at their cocks lecherously while they stroke them, licking their lips with anticipation, occasionally looking directly into the camera because they know you're getting turned on. These are the boys that make porn worth living because we know they are hot to trot on and off camera and aren't really thinking about the cash in the moment; they're thinking about having a good squirt! This principle applies to duo scenes as well. Think about an anal sex scene: are you going to enjoy it as much if the models are just laying there silently plugging away, or are you going to enjoy it ten times more when they're animalistically grunting and slamming each other against the headboard while screaming FUCK ME!

I hate to say this, but some gay porn producers may want to take a lesson from straight porn. The fact is, nearly every chick in straight porn is energetic, loud, vocal, and completely gaga for cock. You rarely see a chick giving a quiet, boring blow job. These are women who know how to excite the viewers and are clearly working for directors who know how to coach them. So, mighty gay porn producers, when you're shopping around for fresh meat, take the time and effort to know the models more and properly determine if they have what it takes. And stop letting them watch straight porn in the background! Focus, dammit, focus!



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