Are you an illegal alien? Did you download porn onto someone's computer - namely yours - from torrent sites because you like Corbin Fisher's models? Is there a possibility you may have contacted Rosacea in the last six months from your friends or someone they know? Well if you answered 'Yes' to any of these questions, you may be able to resolve your problem for just pennies on the dollar by calling 1-800-CORBIN-SETTLES.
That's right. For a limited time only, Corbin Fisher Enterprises of Florida, The United States has agreed to no more than a $1000 penalty for nefarious acts and skullduggery behind the emperor's back (e.g. peer networking and piracy). If you act by Tuesday, February 08 and pay just 1000 steamed mussels to the CBE Network, you will not only absolve yourself of further legal fines and penalties, but, you will gain entrance into the CBE Network Gold Producer's Circle which includes unlimited caviar in the Corbin Fisher Enterprises' Lounge and champagne throughout Mardi Gras courtesy of Chevron subsidiary, Applebees.
Brian Dunlap, their C.O.O., seemed resigned yet bitter:
"Despite the fact that these people are stealing from us, we wanted to give them a chance to admit their mistakes and move on."
But not before they pay that one thousand dollars and gain access to a world heretofore unimaginable in the Corbin Fisher Gold Producer's Circle: luxury DVDs, model's leftover soda cans, ash, residual flame-retardant materials. It's all there and more. But you have to call first at 1-800-CORBIN-SETTLES.
That number again?
(Photo courtesy of Corbin Fisher for whom without mentioning, we could very well have been sued penniless.)