Ask GayDemon: Woof

23 Apr 2017

Ask GayDemon: Woof

My  partner and I are open and have regular play nights. On our last one, I  went to a guy's place and my partner's play date came to our house. My night ended early and I arrived home to find my partner leading his date around on a dog leash. The guy was wearing a puppy mask and barking like a dog. My partner didn't notice me, so I left and went to the  baths. We've never done anything like this before. WTF!?

-Puzzled at Partner's Perversion

If this is a WTF as in "why wasn't I invited?" then the answer is because just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean he wants to include you in every kink that he has. In fact, that's one of the benefits of an open relationship, as it enables someone to explore their kinks on their own terms.

If you are feeling left out of puppy play, then here's how to raise the topic. Watch a nature documentary on Africa because it has to be one with giraffes. Preferably not where they're fighting and/or running for their lives but rather just pulling leaves from high branches with their gigantic tongues. And not the ones with a voice over about how the trees the giraffes depend on are facing extinction due to climate change.

Keep it light. Then talk about that giant giraffe tongue and how it would be fun to pretend to be a giraffe and wrap your tongue around your fella's cock. That you'd be into pretending to be an animal and that it would bring out your animal sexual nature. I suppose you could try the same with a moment in the documentary about jackals or wild dogs but they pretty much are likely to be focused on a kill so it's not as helpful a catalyst as giraffe tongue.

Or if your WTF is based on that the kink sickens you and you feel like you can't look at your guy the same way ever again, then watch the same nature documentary but alone and as a way to calm down because he was engaged in consensual role play with someone within the context of an open relationship and on a play night.

You were pretty much in the wrong to not let him know when you were coming home as you had chosen to play separately so he needed his space. You were also wrong in the moment to not acknowledge that you saw him. He'll figure that out if you actually are into it and steer a conversation in that direction, but remember he still may not want to do that kink with you.

At at this point, if acknowledging that you saw him comes with you accusing him of some disturbing thing, then that's not going to end well. I'm not saying never bring it up, but if you do, make sure not to do so in a judgmental way. Rather, say something like you did see him, and while you're not interested in doing that with him, you're happy to know he's exploring and having fun. And that you're sorry you came home without warning, but you had partially hoped to catch him doing something that did turn you on and maybe you could watch for awhile and join in.

Whatever you say and do needs to be consistent with the open relationship you already have, one in which you didn't discuss what things you're not okay with him doing. So while you feel what you feel, you can't hold him accountable for doing something wrong.

The only wrong behavior on his side is if he actually paid a lot for the gear and you have shared finances. Because any major fetish gear purchase should be a shared financial decision. But most likely he made the puppy pay. In multiple ways.

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