Ask GayDemon: Two Minus One Plus One

I broke up with my ex about a year ago and we've remained friends until now. It was difficult at the start, but we were able to talk, catch up and help each other out until he met a new guy. At first, nothing changed, but then he changed his number and didn't even explain it. Then I got a jealous message on Facebook telling me to stay away from his fiancé, which came as a surprise. Do I just quietly leave things alone or demand an explanation?
-So Single

I absolutely think you need to demand an explanation. You deserve nothing less and should settle for nothing less, no matter the potential fallout and conflict. So you march yourself right to your bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror and say "What the fuck is going on with you?"

Because you seem to have confused being on good terms with an ex with being on permanent good terms with an ex. Permanent just doesn't enter into it. And when someone does something that shows you who they are (at least shows you where they stand on your friendship), then you have only one responsibility.

Believe them.

It wasn't a gremlin who changed his number and didn't explain it. It was him. And as for a jealous message on Facebook, try to be more specific. Isn't that all Facebook is?

As for staying away from his fiancé, feel free to do so. Such as by staying away from both of them. So overall being on good terms with an ex may not have actually been because you each actually wanted to be friends with each other. Just perhaps that neither of you were ready to let go fully. Perhaps you had let go and were in friend mode, but he was still in some post-breakup confusion mode, not fully over you. So he needs his space. And his new guy needs double space.

So probably strike birthday cards, holiday dinners and texting him about your promotion off your to-do list. While on some level he may sort of give a semi-fuck about you still, if you're going around scrounging and begging and all confused about the validity of that semi-fuck, then what the fuck is going on with you?

Focus on yourself, making new friends, doing new things. And someday a funny thing will happen one day. You won't think of him or his testy new guy, even if they both wave to get your attention while demanding you not pay attention.

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