Ask GayDemon: My Closet's in the Closet

My wardrobe is full of some very kinky clothing. There's leather, rubber, harnesses, etc. for clubbing as well as sex sessions. I've met a new guy and I don't want to scare him off with my fetishism. How do I tell him?
-Material Witness

Actually you do want to scare him off if he's not a match. You know that whole Venn diagram thing from math class? You need some overlap, some shared interests, or at least a willingness to try each other's new (or established) thing.

Though what you'll probably want to clarify is that these items are a mix of clubwear and one's tied to your sex life. He has some of those too. Bet he wears underwear to a club. And bet he liked being stripped down to his underwear. Fetish 101.

Yeah, there could be a more sophisticated, subtle way to introduce him to your interests. Such as, crazy idea here, talking to him about sex. I know that's nuts. Nobody would ever do that, so you can be the first. Now if you learn he's super anti-leather, PETA flag waving guy, then prepare for a values conflict there. Because he may be into the whole BDSM thing leather is related to, but not affecting nonconsensual cows in the process.

Another option, just as a general approach, though too late in this case, is meeting prospects on kink-positive sites. Laying it out at the beginning. Though you may have not managed to do that this time because you may have gone about this in a super bizarre way: meeting hi in person, not online. Seriously, WTF is that all about?

Because we don't all have personal stats overlaying our faces (though that would be nice sometimes). So just as you flirted with him to get it to this point, keep it light and positive and fun. Maybe talk about how you've been thinking how he good he'd look in some of your gear. Because he would, wouldn't he? Dress him in it right in front of a mirror so he can see himself. And don't immediately make it about sex. Talk about what you like about it. The texture. The fit. What it means.

Be vulnerable. Because that's the key to him not feeling pressured or threatened as if this is so outside force. It's just you being you. Getting to know him. Moment by moment.

Just be prepared for him to unleash his kinks on you. Prepare to suck some black dress sock clad feet. Daily. Or just his cock. That works too.

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