I am somewhat more wealthy than my boyfriend of a year, but he has a good job and earns well too. We are about to buy a place together, and I’m struggling to decide how we should fund it fairly. It’s not that I don’t want to pay the majority of our mortgage or deposit, but I don’t want him to feel it’s not ours. What should I do?
-Future Homo Owner
You're going to buy a place with your boyfriend of one year? Put a halt to that one right off. And if you do proceed anyhow, make sure you both have legal protections in the event of a separation, fire, if ether or both of you lose your job, etc.
Addressing those potential issues would actually make the whole thing feel like it's both of yours. As you're both addressing those issues. The "ours" aspect is not just about the physical property, but the whole process.
If he hasn't expressed to you directly that proportionally funding this endeavor (when you're both ready) would make it feel it wasn't both of yours, then that's you projecting. Clearly, that's how you would feel if he was wealthier than you are.
One option is you both fund it equally, but buy a place that costs twice as much as he would be contributing. Not his contribution plus your greater contribution. With any additional money, you would feel free to make other investments, which could be unrelated to real estate. Or just buy him 10 vibrators a week, which is a good, round number for a good, round anus.
Another option is you do pay proportionally more, but he makes up difference in physical labor, such as housecleaning, errands, cocksucking, building a roof deck, whatever. Now that would make an unequal situation, unless being domestically and sexually servile is his thing.
The biggest issue here is you're talking to me about this rather than him. Money is only a taboo to talk about if you treat it that way. If he balks at talking about it, that's a bad thing too. You have so much to sort out. It's not inherently bad for one person to make more money than other. In what universe would you two make the exact same wage anyhow? And even if you did for a minute, one of you would change jobs or get a raise at some point.
The more you can talk about it, and educate yourself on finances with your own research and multiple advisors (second opinions are important), the money can be something that brings you together rather than separates you.
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