My boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in sex anymore. We’ve been having threesomes and we check out other guys all the time, using apps or even out and about. He tells me how hot a guy is and what he’d like to have done to him, but when it comes to our own sex, there’s nothing lately. Has he gone off me?
-One + One = Zero
If you had a boyfriend with a foot kink and suddenly you wore shoes to bed (and not sexy shoes, but something hideous like Kanye West designs) and he lost interest in you because your feet were inaccessible, would you be asking the same question?
He's into threesomes but not twosomes. But you're within the three and you're the constant in the three. So there's your sexual connection.
But you want more. Fair enough. I'm going to give the advice I rarely give. Tell him how you feel and what you want. Crazy, huh?
Be crystal clear with yourself and him. If a threesome-only sexual relationship is not what you're looking for, then break up with him. Or keep him as a threesome guy, but find a new steady with whom you can be one on one. And that steady may be within his own relationship. Or not. Or eventually.
It's called polyamory. You know that annoying biographical detail in personal ads of guys with man buns. And it's totally a solid thing because it's about communication, being honest with yourself about your desires, not sneaking around. Not lying.
So don't lie now. Talk to him. And it may be that he has lost some sexual interest in you. That happens with twosomes all the time. And it can change. It's just not automatically going to improve. Unless you both talk about it and work on it.
While it's easy to say he finds the thrill of threesomes more seductive, and is excited by the new sexual energy, new men, new situations, he does still have you as his boyfriend so sees value in that constant. But connections change over time, independently of the threesome thing. So it's not, in this case literally, "us vs. them."
There may be another option that you both may discover. A formalized triad aka a thrupple. If you find someone you both want as a boyfriend and the arrangement is mutually agreeable, you can add that possibility to the mix.
The important thing is don't let standard definitions of relationships or sexual desire decide or even judge your situation. Treat him and yourself as unique individuals and find your own path together. Which may mean separation. Or finding new ways to connect.
And get better at giving head. He told me you're awful! And if that got a rise out of you, it's because you know it's not true.
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