Ask GayDemon: Hard Up for Hard Ons

I’m a bottom and I find it hard to stay erect while I’m getting fucked. I recently started playing with a guy regularly who is really keen on me being hard while he fucks me. He keeps mentioning, “Why aren’t you hard?” and doubting whether I’m into him, even though I love getting fucked like a bitch by him! I don’t want to take Viagra or anything like that. What’s your advice?
-Wet Noodle

What a charmer!

If you did take Viagra, you'd need to keep it a secret because he'd then claim any erection you had was due to Viagra and you couldn't prove otherwise. It's not like your penis has a blue Viagra section and a [insert your skin tone here] non-Viagra section. So strike that plan. Hmm, so what should you do?

You could have him read a biology book which addresses how erections come and go and are not directly tied to actual arousal but rather are influenced by a huge number of factors. Plus moaning due to anal stimulation (prostate, ring, perineum, cucumber you forgot up there) might be taking most of your energy. Letting go to anal intrusion can involve not being erect. There's a lot going on down there.

I'm not a biological scientist of an official nature but in my limited knowledge of human biology, I'd say he's an asshole. Likely a cute asshole.

Tell him to focus on being a selfish, secure top not a selfish, insecure top. You opening up your body to him should be a hint that you're into him. If his doubts are based on something else besides your erectionlessness, then an erection will never address them.

Maybe he is tired of initiating sex and you never do? Maybe you don't compliment his body or technique or anything about him? Maybe you're more focused on "getting fucked like a bitch" (whatever that means because who knows how Ted Cruz gets fucked) than on full-on sexual intimacy. If to him you look like a porn model who's faking it, then it's going to feed his insecurities and there' nothing you can do at that point to fix it without both of you taking a giant step back.

What he doesn't realize is if you were faking it you would've made sure you were hard the whole time, not tell me that you don't want to take Viagra. Which by the way, don't do Viagra and poppers together, folks. One constricts blood vessels while the other opens them. Taken within 24 hours of each other that can cause a heart attack.

Where was I? Oh yeah, you didn't feel the need to fake it and you're not so either he's an asshole and there's no solution, or he wants more intimacy and you're shutting him out or not actually into him that way.

Tell him what he means to you. Ask him why he's asking you about your erection, if he doubts your pleasure, if he doubts himself, and why. Find a way to connect sexually that isn't specifically anal. Tell him how you're focused on anal pleasure at those times and that the root of the penis is internal and he's stimulating it. Solve it, find a way to make it work, then just when he's feeling confident, dump him, because nobody should tell you "Why aren't you hard?" in the middle of sex. But at least you'll get practice in sorting out tricky areas like this for next time.

Now why didn't you send me a picture of your asshole? What's wrong with me?

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