Ask GayDemon: Dancing Queen

All my friends say I'm a terrible dancer but when I go to clubs I love dancing. I'm embarrassing my best buddy all the time. Should I stop dancing and prancing and behave myself? Or should they just know that I'm a disco diva and have to deal with it?

-Disco Dick

So you're a shy diva (huh?!) love dancing but dancing hates you. Sounds like a typical gay relationship. The keyword in all this is "prancing" as in flaming out as in queening out as in exploding and aureating and accelerating with maximum gayness in an enclosed space.

The bouncers haven't kicked you out. Even a subjectively horrible dancer like you makes other folks dancing feel like even better dancers. You could go out clubbing alone and just get lost in your magical dancing universe. Just don't accidentally punch or kick anyone and it's fine.

Or you could tell your friend, especially that one best buddy, that you want him to join you at the club but you're not going to hold back on your sweet dance moves if he joins you. In fact, you'll climb up on the speakers and dance like you're a disco-rollerskating Kevin Bacon on a special episode of Dance Fever taped on a circuit party on a gay cruise.

If you're actually totally off rhythm though, then stay the fuck home because that's gross to look at. Really disgusting. You should be ashamed of your dancing and of being a diva, which is exactly what I've told Solange Knowles. But she never listens.

Dancing is about freedom though, so take that freedom you feel while dancing and carry it into how you relate to your friends. You're you. If they're embarrassed they can stay home or go to the disco next door. Or just drink enough that you start to seem like a good dancer. Or, best of all, pony up for some disco dance lessons with a hairy-chested 65 year old disco veteran. Hot stuff!

P.S. Post your horrible dancing to YouTube please. I want to laugh at you.

P.P.S. Then dump all your friends and make some who are worse dancers than you. Would be tough to find but worth it. Then you can be ashamed of them.

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