I want to take a moment to share my thoughts about the Fleshlight, one of the newest, hottest and most effective sex toys on the market. I assure you, I am not a paid or unpaid spokesman for the manufacturer. So often, we only hear lubed up sales pitches and tomfoolery about products to get us to buy them without thought. But when do you get to hear real comments from real consumers about products that are, shall we say, not exactly par for the mainstream course.

Bottom line: the Fleshlight is everything it's cracked up to be and more. Being a professional masturbator, I've experimented with all sorts of jackoff toys over the years.

If you've done so yourself, you know that there's a lot of high-priced garbage out there that does little more than give you a raw willie. You can get rubber masturbation sleeves that give you hives. You can get marvelous vibrating suck machines that have as much suction as a guppie. There are blow-up devices with butt-slits that will cut you right on the gnads if you're not careful. All of these 'specialty' items are ridiculously high-priced and they almost never deliver what they promise.

One toy in particular that comes to mind is a purple rubber sleeve, open-ended, with an interior texture that promotes sensitivity. While the sensation of the toy is effective, it's really difficult to maneuver for those of us with very, very thick dicks. The result with sleeves like these is that it expands significantly when you slide it over your dick, and it's incredibly difficult to get your hand wrapped around it because it seems to expand by about four times the thickness. It's ridiculously awkward, and though there is definite pleasure to be gained, good luck trying to keep the damn thing secured to your dick without it flying out of your fumbling hand.

Upon hearing about the Fleshlight when it first hit the market, I was as skeptical as anybody else. Whenever I see a sales pitch purporting that the toy in question is the most flesh-like of them all, I assume it's bullshit 'cause it usually is. Most masturbation toys feel as much like human flesh as a lizard's heinie. But alas, after months and months of himming and hawing, I finally decided to slap down my $67 and give the ole Fleshlight a go. Much to my own surprise, I cannot believe how wonderful and perfect it truly is.

I can say without hesitation that I have never felt a toy as remarkably effective and life-like as the Fleshlight. That's saying a lot coming from me because I'm not easy to impress in this area. Plus, my dick needs a lot of aggressive friction to get any pleasure, and most masturbation toys result in more chafing than anything else. But not the Fleshlight. The first time I used it, I was blasting to the moon within a minute. The sensation is so incredible that it might actually be better than a human mouth, especially because you control it. Okay, it ain't better than a human mouth, but it may be the next best thing. Take it from a fellow pervert who's tried it all, the Fleshlight is not a fly-by-night toy to be forgotten. It's a revolutionary item you'll treasure if you're as whack-happy as the rest of us. Of course, some day I expect to see a news report indicating that real human flesh has been used in producing these devices. Wouldn't that be funny? Well, whatever works is my motto, and the Fleshlight will work you over, boys. Check it out, but if it doesn't work for you, don't whine to me about it. This is just one horny man's perspective, but at least you're hearing a positive review of the item from someone other than a slickery salesman after his commission.



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