Uh-oh. Preston Hill is having, like, the worst semester ever! According to Jesse McKinley from the New York Times - from a story that was first reported on in the Fresno Bee - the 17-year-old hunk wrestler and star athlete of the Buchanan Bears, a local Fresno team, is being charged with 'sexual assault' after an unnamed 14-year-old and fellow wrestler claimed Hill took retaliatory action against him by employing the feared "butt drag" during wrestling practice. (See important video documentation below.) The 14-year-old also claims that he has been the victim of Hill's repeated taunts (along with several others working on Hill's side) and that his water was frequently taken during practice. (No, that's not gayspeak.) Unfortunately, this story doesn't end with a romantic musical shower sequence or something Thai and meaningful, either. Like so many stories of we hear about bullying, this one could just as easily end in tragedy, like death. But, luckily, it ended in a Butt Drag.

This time.

The community is probably a lot more divided than the story lets on, too - especially since a) the Butt Drag is a common move in wrestling b) his coach *cough* taught Preston how to use it c) it was done in front of sports officials and d) Preston did finally take his finger(s) out of the teenager's anus.

But, weirdly, what isn't acknowledged in McKinley's version of events is the sheer homosexualityness of it all. I mean, Come! On! That telling of this story has more sexual double entendres than a six-disc Raging Stallion Studios production: "Using a wrestling move to sexually assault a teammate." (If that isn't the plot to one-out-of-ten gay porns, I don't know what is!) "[It] involves grabbing the haunch of an opponent to gain leverage." Oh, honey, you don't have to sell me. "But unfortunately, in contact sports, cheap shots and illegal techniques happen all the time." Uh, duh, it's why we watch 'em. (This next part is real, kinda spicy so you might want to cover the lil one's eyes.) "Preston purposefully stood near the younger boy during a wrestling exercise and, when the coach whistled for wrestling to begin, threw the younger boy down, pinned him to the mat and performed an invasive "butt drag" maneuver." Water...

But, seriously, I'm not ignoring the fact that Preston is kinda douchey for picking on a kid three years younger than him (a significant difference at that age) and this 14-year-old will now have who knows how long of hell because he was scared, didn't know what else to do and went to adults; smart if you're an adult, the kiss of death if you're a teenager.

But next time, fill the water bottles with urine or coat them in poison ivy. Or enjoy the intrusiveness. Besides, with enough practice, there's a pot of gold in them thar hills. That is what wrestling's for, right? No? Not at all?

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