You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of the...virtual world of 3-D gay porn that's sort of life-like, and that you could sort of justify spending $30-a-month if you sort-of wanted this sort of sex. So, if you do, go visit and see tongues so real, you'd shave your anus with a plastic knife for them.

But, of course, this isn't exactly the next stop in the evolution of cinema, either. Animated porn has been around since the beginning of the Internet. In fact, Adult Source Media put out "Pirates Booty" in 2009, billing it as the most realistic CGI event since "Transformers" but what it ended up being was 62 minutes of CGI characters with strange-looking penises that lacked the curvature and detail of the real thing and made me, frankly, a little scared to leave my room for a week. I lived on hot dogs and gobbled down anti-depressants for months afterward.

But what did strike me was how, even in 2011, and even in the exciting world of virtual storytelling which frankly, given the literally limitless possibilities, things still looks remarkably like mainstream porn (familiar sets and bad scripting), sites still feel that they can only be successful by marketing white males. I mean, if I'm going to spend $30 for something and it's not ensuring that I continue to enslave small Asian children in vent-less, smoke-filled factories near polluted bodies of water with my megastore purchases of things I don't need (three cheers for bamboo chimes!), than it damn well better reflect the world around me. Otherwise, I'm taking my money to the nearest mall to buy me some plastic nose clippers with tiny Panda motifs on it.


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